The Storm before the Calm
by new adventures
Summary: Surviving something doesn't always mean a happy ending. There can be a lot of mess to clean up after a storm blows through. This is my take on the beginnings of season 5 based on teasers and tweets online from cast and crew. All team members involved.
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS:Los Angeles or any of the characters that appear on the television show. I only claim rights to the characters that don't sounds familiar in this story - they came from the recesses of my mind._

_So after seeing several little teasers and tweets online about the upcoming season 5, my brain went to work and came up with this..._

* * *

Nothing had gone the way it was supposed to with that case. Partners had been split up; agents had been betrayed, captured and tortured; personal boundary lines had been crossed unexpectedly; and communication lines had been severed in so many ways. Several NCIS teams from around the country had been integral in locating and rescuing Sam and Deeks. Due to the extent of their trauma and the effect it had on the rest of their immediate team members, the rest of the mission – finding Siderov and the nuclear weapons – had been handed off to the FBI and CIA. Nell and Eric remained on the case as consultants due to the intel they had, but otherwise NCIS did not have much to do with the case. Their focus was on helping their team members.

Hetty wasn't sure exactly what that would entail because so much had happened in such a short time. She had never before faced quite this dire of a situation with her team. They all looked to her for wisdom and gentle guidance but she wasn't sure she had any to give right now. Slowly she rose from her desk and picked up a file folder. She read through a few pages and frowned. It was such a waste of talent and skill to not have them work this one, but in the fractured condition they were all in, it couldn't be helped. Hetty closed the folder and walked over to a group of desks opposite the vacant bullpen. She placed the folder in the inbox of Agent Moria's desk, and returned to her space. She knew the B team was capable and could get the job done, but they didn't have quite the same finesse that her hand-picked elite team had. There would never be another team like them.

She returned to her desk and looked around. Had it been worth it? Yes, the nuclear weapons had been recovered and were secured, but at what cost? She had tried to reach out to them. She was at the hospital with Mr. Hanna and Mr. Deeks. She made sure all arrangements for their best care were made. Mr. Callen shut her out. One word answers to her questions and then he quickly ushered her out of his home. He had made it very difficult for her to remain composed and not show the emotions raging inside her, but she knew her breakdown would not help him. Ms. Blye was polite enough the one time they had been able to meet, but her female agent wasn't ready to open up. None of them were, really. Hetty had even noticed changes in her dynamic duo upstairs. They had taken on more of a leadership role with the other teams, but their personalities weren't the same. There was only one person she could think of who might be able to help. She picked up the phone and dialed a number from memory.

"Hello? Yes, it has been a while. You are needed in Los Angeles. I have already made all the necessary arrangements, and the paperwork is filed. You are assigned to OSP for an undetermined amount of time. Your flight itinerary and electronic ticket should be in your email now. I will see you in two days. Rest up; it's going to be a bumpy ride once you arrive. Good-bye."

* * *

BAM! The sound of the hard cover hitting the wall echoed through the house. Michelle came running. When she reached the living room, she found Sam standing in front of the couch, fists clenching and unclenching. Sweat was beading on his bald head, and a hardcover book lay on the floor across the room. It was open and several pages were bent at odd angles; a small dent was apparent in the wall just above where it lay.

"What happened in here?" she asked her husband.

"Nothing. Didn't like the story," Sam said angrily.

"Mmm hmm," Michelle answered not believing him. "When are you gonna start talking to me baby? I am here for you. You need to get this out of your system so we can get back to being a family again. I miss you. Your kids miss you."

"I haven't gone anywhere. I'm in this damn house all the time," he muttered back.

"You're here, but you're not with us. You sleep alone, you eat alone, you won't talk to us unless it's to tell us what we're doing wrong. We love you," she told him gently as she placed her hand on his arm.

"Maybe I shouldn't be here. It never should have happened this way," Sam blurted out and shrugged her hand away. Michelle's eyes got wide. She had seen him after tough cases before, she had been here when he had returned from SEAL missions a shell of the man he was, but she had never heard him talk like this.

"That damn Deeks!" Sam shouted as he slammed his right fist into his open left palm. "What the hell was he thinking diving in that pool? He had to try to play the hero – to what, be my savior and get his picture on the front page of the newspaper? He should have just let me drown right then and there."

"No, baby, no. Don't say that. He saved you. He saved your life so you could come back to me and the kids. Deeks doesn't care about getting credit and you know it. Please don't even say that you should have died. Don't scare me like that," Michelle pleaded with him, her eyes filled with tears.

"It's all my fault. Deeks is messed up, probably worse than I am. He shouldn't have had to go through what we did. I don't know how he's doing now because I can't bring myself to call him or even text him. I can't even take care of myself most days. I can't sleep. I can't work. I can't be the husband and father that you need me to be. It wasn't supposed to be like this," Sam admitted, sinking down into the couch cushions and holding his head in his hands.

* * *

Callen rolled out of bed and pulled on a pair of sweatpants. It was all his fault. Mrs. Gormier, one of the foster mothers he had when he was 11, had been right. Everything bad thing that happened was his fault and he was no good to anyone. G Callen thought he had outgrown that particular "flaw", but everything had crashed down around his team because of him: because of his need to know better than everyone else, because of his need to be in control, because of his need to be right. He had been so sure that his proposal, his idea, was the best one for that case. If it hadn't been for his damn plan to bring Janvier back, everyone would be good. Probably not holding hands and singing Kumbaya good, but better than the hell they were all experiencing.

He shook his head, as if trying to shake the recurring guilt out, and pulled on a t-shirt. How could he have been so utterly stupid to have let Janvier alone for even a minute? How could he have been duped into believing he could trust that nut job to help him with a case? He didn't trust anyone, and yet he had actually thought he could trust the lives of his partner and his team to a man who wanted nothing more than to see G Callen dead. Maybe Gibbs was right – he was getting too old for this job. The onset of dementia was the only explanation that would be plausible for why he went ahead with it. Look where it got him, where it got everyone he cared about. There was no way any of them could ever forgive him, and there was no way he could ever ask them to. Callen hadn't seen anyone except Hetty since the rescue. It was just too painful. How could he look his partner in the eye and know that he was responsible for the pain reflecting back? How could he be around Deeks and know that he was the one who stole the playful sparkle out of those blue eyes, ones much like his own? Kensi hadn't been tortured, but his actions had effects on her, too. She had been separated from her partner to fetch that monster with him. And then the look on her face when she found out what had happened to Deeks… god, it was a look he had never seen on the junior agent. That too, was his fault.

Maybe it was time to move on, just like in his childhood. Callen remembered hearing his foster parents tell the social worker that he - the boy without a name - was just too much trouble and couldn't stay any longer. As he tied his running shoes and grabbed his keys and phone, he figured it was time to think about packing up his things and moving on to the next alphabet agency that would take him.

* * *

_Chapter 2 will give a peek at Deeks and Kensi since the rescue. Future chapters will bring the team together, and there will be more dialogue not just description. Hope you like this start and will hang in there for more!_


	2. Chapter 2

_Two chapters at one time, for a new story? Yep, that's right. This is not an hallucination. You are not dreaming. I had it done already and it seemed like such a waste to not post it..._

* * *

It was one thing to be beaten in a drunken rage. Eventually the rage would subside and he would be left alone to heal while his father slept it off. The bruises and cuts would have time to heal or at least scab over before the next time, which there always was. This experience was different. Nothing in his childhood had really prepared him for this. There was no downtime between beatings; no time for one set of wounds to heal before the next wave of pain came. His tormentor didn't need to sleep it off. Not until those federal agents showed up and stormed into the room did his body and mind get a brief respite.

Marty Deeks laid on his couch, mindlessly surfing through channels. Monty was curled up on the floor in front of him. There was nothing on that he wanted to watch, but it gave him something to do. His mind wandered to undesirable places when it was too quiet. He settled for a renovation show on one of those home improvement channels. He caught the end of the episode, as the host was showing the family their new space.

_"__You took a leap of faith by renovating a huge portion of your first floor so that it could be a new living area. There were a lot of obstacles but now it's over and…"_ the host on TV was saying.

Deeks had been told "_it's over_" by several people after they took him from that awful warehouse. But it's not over. It might never be over for all he knew, and that was the worst part of torture. It's never really over; there are long-lasting effects that will repeat themselves over and over and over again. The doctors had reassured him that he would make a full recovery from his injuries. They could only speak to his physical wounds, though. They had no idea how deep the other ones were. They had no idea if he would ever heal fully from those. He flipped the channel. An infomercial about some self-help program shouted at him from the screen.

_"__We all have them! What are your fears? Think you can never get over them? Do you need help facing them? Then let us help. Our accredited program has a long record of…"_

He sighed. Even in the relative safety of his apartment he still lived in fear, but not the kind an infomercial could cure him of. Every night he feared sleep and the nightmares it would reliably bring. He feared eating anything harder than eggs for what it might do to his jaws, and he couldn't use metal silverware ever again. The sounds of hammers and drills terrified him. Most of all, though, he lived in fear of his own brokenness.

He knew he was broken, barely resembling the man he used to be. He did not deny that. The first blow came from a co-worker who he had looked up to. He and Sam didn't always see eye to eye on how to do things, but he knew that Sam was a good man with a lot of valuable experience he could learn from. Then he found himself in a park being ridiculed for his style and work ethic and his hair of all things! The second blow came from the one person he never thought could hurt him – his partner Kensi. They had finally reached the boiling point in their denial of all things non-professional. She challenged him to say something he meant. He thought it was what she wanted, what she had hinted around at; it was definitely what he had wanted for a long time. The look on her face when he stepped back from the kiss, though, and her hasty exit had been his answer. He wasn't what she wanted and now he knew. She was just his partner and nothing more. The final blow came from Siderov. The ironic part is that torture by a Russian madman didn't actually bother him as much as the first two blows. Siderov was just another bad guy who caught a cop. Deeks never trusted the guy or had a relationship with him; the pain was expected. It was horrible, anguishing pain, but in a way it was expected and that made it easier to take.

A few more channels whizzed past the screen before Deeks settled on an old episode of _"Lassie"_ on one of those classic TV channels. He let the remote drop out of his hand on to the cushion beside him, and reached down to pet his furry companion. At least he still had Monty. Man's best friend was about the only friend he had anymore. Sure, he had let Kensi help him with basic things until he could physically care for himself, but that was only because he really didn't have anyone else he could have called. It was the most awkward and tense two weeks they had ever spent together. They barely spoke to each other and never brought up what had happened. Once the doctor cleared him of his most serious injuries, Kensi stopped coming over. It was like she couldn't get away from him fast enough.

Monty's ears perked up at the touch of his human roommate and his tail began to flop on the floor, but even he knew Deeks was a different person. They only took short walks outside, just long enough for Monty to do his business and then they were back in the house. They didn't stop at the beach anymore, even when Monty whined and tugged at his leash in the direction of the water. Deeks was just going through the motions of what he had to do each day. That was all he could force himself to do. That was all he wanted to do anymore. He was not looking forward to having to go back to work – either location – but he needed the paycheck.

* * *

"When did things get so complicated?" she huffed. "Why did they get so complicated?" she asked the piles of clothes and take out boxes that served as decor in her apartment.

Kensi dug her spoon into the container and scooped out some ice cream. She placed it in her mouth and let the creamy, sugary treat slowly melt on her tongue. No matter how many marathons of reality TV she watched, her mind couldn't stop thinking about the mission, her team and most of all her partner. She thought ridiculing models would help keep her distracted, but it didn't help. They used to do this together. He used to buy her ice cream and keep her freezer (and his) stocked. He would join in the mocking of models with her, their voices united in their dislike of certain ones. That had all changed and she was alone now on her couch. Alone with her Rocky Road.

It was probably her fault for the breakdown in their partnership and even their friendship. It usually was, and she had come to slowly accept that she wasn't good for anyone. Before this case fell apart, she thought that was changing. Deeks treated her better than anyone ever had. He helped her believe she was important to him and worthy of being loved. They had grown closer to each other and she let walls crumble apart. Kensi had even let herself feel the beginnings of love, something she had vowed never to do again. When Deeks grabbed her face and kissed her, it was an amazing feeling – surprising but incredible. She wished she could have switched her brain off and stayed on that ridge longer, enjoying the feel of his lips on hers. But no, she had to ruin it, ruin everything. There was still a wall that wouldn't let herself enjoy that moment too much.

"I have to stay with Michelle," she repeated out loud. "How ridiculous does that sound? Hey Kensi, you've just been kissed by the most wonderful man in your life. What do you want to do now? Gee, Alex, I think I'll give him the silent treatment and go follow an undercover CIA agent," she mocked herself, speaking as though she had an audience. He had finally been honest and she blew him off using her job as an excuse. No wonder he was so cold to her; Deeks probably thought she had no interest in him. If she could have just stayed there a little longer, said something to him, things wouldn't have ended up this way. He wouldn't have been the only one left to dive in that pool after Sam. Maybe he wouldn't have been captured and repeatedly beaten. Maybe he would still be the same Deeks she finally knew she loved.

"So then what did I do? I smothered him, because that always works out well," Kensi laughed. She thought that helping Deeks after he came home from the hospital would give them a chance to talk, to start building things up again. That didn't happen, and they grew farther apart instead of closer together. She wanted to be there for him, show him how much she cared about him. God, she wanted to reach out and take away all his pain with just a touch of her fingers. It was so hard seeing Deeks like that. They had both been injured pretty badly on the job before, but this… this was more than just being injured. The marks on his body were the manifestation of someone's fear and rage mixed together. She couldn't magically take away his pain though, and she knew that. She couldn't fix anyone or anything, and that's what had stopped her. As much as these new feelings for Deeks had her wanting to stay with him, hold him and give in to her love for him, that was exactly the reason she had to leave. She learned that from Jack. She hadn't been enough, she couldn't fix him, and he left. Kensi didn't want to be the reason that Deeks wouldn't recover from his ordeal or worse run away from her. As soon as he was able to physically care for himself, she came back to her place. She would be the one leaving this time. It would hurt less, she had rationalized at the time.

Kensi tried to focus on her teammates instead. She had stopped over at Sam's house to check on him. Michelle greeted her cheerfully, but after some small talk she revealed that Sam was refusing to see anyone. Kensi was disappointed but understood that he was going through a hard time. She would see him soon enough. A few days later she called Callen. His phone went straight to voice mail, and he never returned any of her messages, voice or text. Hetty had told them all to stay away from OSP until their leave time was over, so she finally called Nell desperate for a friendly voice to chat with. Apparently Nell and Eric's workload had increased in the team's absence, which resulted in Kensi and Nell playing phone tag for four days before she just gave up. It was almost time to come back to work and she would catch up with her gal pal then.

"This will get better. It has to," she tried convincing herself as she spooned another bite of ice cream into her mouth.

* * *

_Speaking of Nell and Eric, how have they been? What have they been up to? Only time - and chapter 3 - will tell. :-)_


	3. Chapter 3

_Thank you for the kind words in your reviews, and for all of you following this story! I was kind of nervous about the tone of it, but it's where inspiration took me. And now on with the story!_

* * *

"This is so weird. I'm glad we don't have to work this way much longer," Nell said as she typed away on her computer.

"Hmm, what's weird? Eric asked, not really paying attention. He was watching people's faces whoosh past on his screen at warp speed as the facial recognition program tried to identify a victim.

"Work, the OSP, here. It's so… I don't know, unnerving I guess with the team gone. I mean, their team, 'cause we're not exactly on a team, are we? We assist everyone, but…" Nell rambled on.

"…but they are our team and they've made us a part of theirs," Eric finished for her. "I get it. It is very strange not seeing them every day. There are no pointless arguments between Kensi and Deeks, or sarcastic commentary from Callen and Sam. I kind of miss their voices in my ear during an op; the other agents aren't nearly as chatty and fun to listen in on."

Nell smiled. He did get it. They had been finishing each others' sentences for a while, but she hadn't been sure if he actually understood her. She had always been the unusual one throughout her life; the one who liked to do things the other kids didn't, the one who thought about things differently than her friends, the one who was often left out. It was nice to finally find someone with whom she fit.

"At least they will all be back tomorrow and things can return to normal," Nell sighed. She really hoped things would get back to normal quickly, but she had her doubts. While assisting Hetty, Nell had read through the incident reports and case files from that mission, and it had turned her stomach.

"Hey, so are you coming over again tonight after work?" Eric asked, breaking her from her thoughts. He had turned his chair to face her and had a slight smile on his face, which she thought was adorable. Since the Siderov mission had imploded, she and Eric had been spending more time together outside of work. At first it was a way to cope with everything when the rest of the team members were hospitalized or unreachable. It grew from there and became a normal part of their routine to have dinner together, play video games or watch movies. Eric loved seeing Nell outside of ops so much, and he knew she was enjoying it as well. The frequency that she held his hand or gave him little kisses on the cheek had been increasing. They hadn't really discussed the status of their relationship but instead both seemed to be happy just letting each day take its own course.

"Yep. I'll be there at 6:30 if that's ok. I thought I'd bring over that peach cobbler I made last night. And then Beale, you are going down. I will own Mario Kart tonight!" Nell laughed as Eric shook his head and made a face.

"Not gonna happen Nell. Not. Gonna. Happen." He grinned at the thought of another evening with her, then quickly became all business as he swiveled his chair to face his screen once again.

* * *

_The next day…_

It was the first day all four team members had been back in the bullpen together since that fateful mission. Nell was waiting at the bottom of the stairs, so eager to see everyone again. Her nervous energy had her bouncing in place, like she was waiting for a parade to start. Eric tried to calm her down by placing his hand on her back.

"Sam! It's so good to see you again!" Nell greeted him as he walked in. She rushed out and gave him a careful hug, not sure where he was at with his physical recovery.

"Hey Nell. Eric," he replied less enthusiastically as he heard footsteps behind him. He was uncomfortable with the hug and moved to his desk area as quickly as he could.

"Hi Callen! Yay! Our team leader is back!" Nell shouted out as he approached her. She had her hand up awaiting a high-five. Callen looked at her hand, nodded a greeting, and continued to his desk. She greeted Deeks in a similar manner, only to be ignored. Nell looked up at Eric with a confused look on her face.

"Give them time Nell. They're just getting back after a long time away. A lot has happened," he quietly explained. Finally Kensi walked in, looking tired and flustered.

"Kensi, hi! How are you?" Nell tried one more time with a big smile, hoping her only female cohort would be a bit cheerier.

"Hey Nell. Hey Eric," Kensi mumbled. "You're down here early. I need coffee, lots of coffee. Mornings suck."

"At least she seems somewhat normal," Eric whispered to Nell. Nell disappointedly shrugged her shoulders, but walked over to get her friend a cup of coffee. She set it on Kensi's desk and turned to take in the rest of the team. Each team member had politely nodded their head at the others in a form of greeting, but no one had said anything. As Eric and Nell ascended the stairs back to ops, each person below sat at their own desk, silently reading through a folder or scanning information on a computer screen. Every once in a while the sound of a pencil drumming on a desk could be heard, or the rustle of a candy wrapper, but otherwise the bullpen was eerily void of sound. There had been tough cases in the past, there had been hurt feelings and fights among partners before, but it had never been this uncomfortable. The last case they had worked together had changed everything, and not for the better it seemed.

After two hours, Kensi finally broke the silence. "I need more coffee. Anyone else want some?" she asked, looking at each of the men in turn. No one looked up at her, not even her partner. They just shook their heads "no" and continued their work. She grabbed her cup, drank the hot liquid quickly and walked up the stairs to ops. The doors slid open as she made her way inside.

"Hey guys. Do you have access to a file from 2001 by the name of Huperton? I need to check on something for the cold case I was assigned," she asked Nell and Eric, who were sitting quite close together at their desk. Nell's smile faded upon hearing her request. She was hoping Kensi was in a better mood and they could catch up and chat like they used to.

Eric typed away on his keyboard. "Uh, Kensi, portions of this file are classified for only the highest security clearance levels. I can't even open certain sections of it, without, um… you know… engaging in less-than-legal activity." He whispered the last part, afraid Hetty would hear him even thinking about doing such a thing. "I can send you the parts that you are cleared for, but the rest you will have to talk to Hetty about."

"Ok. Thanks Eric. At least you're not giving me the silent treatment." Kensi let out a big sigh.

"Why would we give you the silent treatment Kensi? What's up with everyone today?" Nell wondered with a frown. She knew something was off with the team but didn't know the extent of things.

"No one is talking to anyone down there. I even asked a simple question about coffee and all I got were heads shaking. I get that a lot has happened to all of us and there is a lot to be worked out yet. But this is just too weird to come back to," Kensi admitted. "This isn't our team." There was no use pretending with Nell, who seemed to know almost as much as Hetty, and if Nell knew something she probably shared it with Eric.

"Sorry Kensi. Maybe it's strange for everyone being back, the first day and all. They're afraid of being the only one feeling awkward and don't know what to say. You can stay up here with us if you want," Eric offered. He knew all about feeling awkward and not wanting to speak up.

Kensi thanked him but declined. All her files and paperwork were on her desk, and she needed to get back to it. Hetty hadn't cleared any of them for field work yet, so each agent had been assigned a stack of cold cases and follow-up reports to research. She sauntered back out of ops with her shoulders down and a melancholy look on her face. It concerned Nell; that was not the Kensi she knew. The Kensi she knew did not let things get her down like this, and she always walked tall with an air of confidence about her. She was tough-as-nails Bad-Ass Kensi Blye.

"Eric, this is killing me. They used to be such great friends and co-workers. Now no one is speaking to each other. They're acting like strangers down there. Kensi is walking around like a dejected puppy. I know what went down during that op – we saw and heard almost all of it – but our team is going to make it through this. Right? Everyone's going to be ok?" She looked at Eric, hoping he could give her the magic reassurance she was looking for. The truth was that no one knew for sure how this would all play out. All of her hundreds of IQ points didn't mean anything because she felt utterly and completely useless. That's what scared her the most. There was no algorithm or formula for this. There was no software or piece of technology that could magically make it better.

Eric stood up and grabbed Nell's hands to pull her up next to him. He knew Hetty kept cameras in ops, but this time he didn't care. He pulled Nell close to him and wrapped his arms completely around her. He gently kissed her forehead before resting his head atop hers. She gladly allowed herself to be cocooned by Eric. He had a way of making her feel safe. In the moment of silence that came, he felt like he should say something to reassure her. When the soft sobs started against his chest, he just held her a little tighter instead.

* * *

_Day two back at the OSP…_

Kensi was the first to notice him standing there. He hadn't said a word, and was trying his best to be quiet and observe before his presence was announced.

"Nate? Oh my gosh it's so great to see you!" Kensi gushed as she ran across the mission and gave him a big hug. Then she dropped her arms and took a step back, taking his tall frame in. "Wait, Hetty called you in, didn't she? This is an official visit," she concluded. Nate smiled and nodded his head.

"It's great to see you too, Kensi. How have you been?" he politely asked.

"_Great. He saunters in here after being off in the Republic of None-of-Your-Damn-Business, doing only-Hetty-knows-what, and Kensi gushes all over him_," Deeks angrily thought to himself. "_I open myself up, kiss her with every emotion I have, and she runs away. Maybe there was more between shrink boy and Wonder Woman than I ever knew about…"_ He refused to even acknowledge Nate's presence. He knew why the guy had been called in.

"Nate, buddy, what brings you back to this forsaken place?" Callen asked with a smirk. He knew Nate being there could only mean one thing: mandatory sessions for everyone. He figured acting like he was still cool and ok would keep those sessions at bay for a while longer.

Sam tried to be polite in greeting Nate, as he extended his hand. "Welcome back man. Just don't expect too much." He knew Nate's arrival was not social or coincidence.

"Ah, Mr. Getz. I see you have arrived safe and sound. How was your flight?" Hetty asked, her hands folded in front of her.

"Good. Yeah, it was good. Thanks. Oh and thank you for finding me an apartment so soon, too. I really appreciate it," Nate replied to his once-again boss.

"You're very welcome. We are glad to have you back, although it would be preferable to have you here under different circumstances." She paused before continuing. "Your office upstairs has been prepped for your return, and I hope you find everything to your liking. I will give you a little time to settle in, and then we have some things to go over." Hetty patted Nate on his arm and then made her way back to her desk.

"Yes, Hetty. I will see you in a bit," Nate replied, slipping into employee mode right away. Turning back to the team, he said, "I'll see you guys later. Maybe lunch, or drinks tonight?" As he headed upstairs, he heard Kensi answer affirmatively but the rest of the men mumbled and scattered back to their work.

Nate walked into ops to say hello to Eric and Nell before going to his office. When he entered, he saw Eric standing behind Nell's chair, his arms wrapped around her with his hands resting on her keyboard. He seemed to be showing Nell something on the screen in front of them. Nate smiled to himself before clearing his throat.

"Hey guys. I'm back. Just wanted to say hi."

Eric quickly pulled his arms back and stepped away from Nell's chair. "Hi Nate."

Nell turned around and smiled at Nate. "Hey Nate! Welcome back! How does it feel to be in LA again?" she asked.

"It's good I guess. Haven't been here long. So how are you two? Anything more happen between you guys?" he casually asked them, waving his index finger between Eric and Nell.

Eric's face froze. "More? Ha – happen? Not sure what you're talking about Nate. Just up here typing away, checking this, hacking that…" Eric started to ramble until Nell elbowed him.

"Well last time I was up here, you made sure to let me know that you and Nell had kissed. I was just wondering how that had worked out for you," Nate clarified his question with a grin.

"Kiss? Oh yeah, the Christmas kiss," Nell said. "Um, things are happening I guess. Maybe? Nothing you need to know about though, because…" she continued nervously, glancing at Eric as she spoke.

"…because it's none of your business. I mean, if there were things happening – and I'm not saying if there is or isn't – it would be between Nell and I. Right? That's not something we would have to share with a psychologist, would we?" Eric spoke fast due to his nervousness. He knew Nate, had for many years, but Nate's role at OSP made Eric especially anxious. He hated psychologists and counselors of any kind. It suddenly dawned on him. "Oh god, Hetty knows, doesn't she? That's why you're here to see us isn't it? Nell, she knows. We tried to be so careful to keep it out of… Ow!" Eric yelled out. Nell had elbowed him in the ribs hard to shut him up.

"Eric, shut up," she whispered. "I don't think Nate knows anything about anything. He was just being polite. And you did tell him about our kiss last time." She looked at Nate and forced a smile on her face. "So you were just, uh, heading to your office you said?"

Nate nodded and turned to leave. "Yeah, I'm on my way now. Good to see you both!" He waved and walked out. As he walked down the hall, he chuckled to himself knowing he now had discussion topics for at least two of the people on his list.

* * *

_I am leaving to go on vacation for a little while - camping in a tent with no wi-fi. I won't be able to update this story until some time after Aug. 12th. Forgive me? Please? There are several chapters in this story yet, so it's not over anytime soon. More to come, eventually. _


	4. Chapter 4

_Back from vacation. Have another chapter for you. Ta da!_

* * *

Her words from their dinner out the other night echoed in his mind.

"Fix them. Fix us. Just make it all better – please," Nell had pleaded.

Kensi and Eric had nodded their heads in agreement. The urgency in Nell's voice mixed with a hint of sorrow concerned him. Nate had read all the case files, incident reports and Hetty's notes from the Siderov/Janvier case. He knew the facts of what had happened, and he had seen some of the effects during the last few days while observing the team around the mission.

But Nell's words and the emotion in her voice brought home the true humanness of the situation. This was more than just a bad day at the office or a suspect who got the better of them. This case and the fall out had affected the core of each team member. Hetty had brought him in – had trusted him – to bring their team back from the questioning and sense of loss they were now dealing with. It was a huge weight on his shoulders. Nate was beginning to appreciate his time over "there" in a new light. Seeing what he saw and counseling service members and civilians through the literal hell they experienced every day would be a huge help for what lie ahead of him now in LA. It wouldn't be easy and there were no guarantees, but at least he had a sense of what he was up against and where to start.

Nate made sure he was at the mission hours before anyone else. The person he wanted for the first individual session was usually the first one in. Nate had to catch him early before he got distracted with other tasks.

Callen walked into the mission with his bag over his shoulder and made his way to his desk. Nate watched from the shadows, waiting for the perfect time to strike. Callen pulled some papers from his bag, got some coffee, and was just about to sit down with his newspaper when he heard a voice.

"Good morning Agent Callen. How are you?" Nate asked the startled team leader.

"Geez Nate! How about a little warning next time before sneaking up on me?" a frustrated Callen said.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to make you spill your coffee. Speaking of which, why don't we refill your cup and then you can bring it upstairs with me. It's been a while since I've been in LA and we haven't had a chance to catch up," Nate told him.

"It has been a while. It's nice to see you back Nate," Callen said more relaxed. He pretended to engage in small talk, not wanting to follow Nate upstairs. He was in no mood to be analyzed. "I bet you haven't had time to catch up with Rose yet, either. You should really call her. I'm betting you two have a lot to talk about based on last time you were in town," he said while slowly backing away from Nate toward the gym.

"Yeah, we didn't exactly leave things in a good place. I'm not actually sure if I should call her at all." Nate paused to take a sip of his coffee, letting his mind wander briefly to Rose. "But we're not talking about me right now. I really want to talk with you, Callen." He looked around at the empty bullpen and deserted hallway. G Callen had disappeared. Nate sighed and shook his head. _"That was pretty predictable," _he thought. He slowly walked to the gym where he found the agent stretching.

"G, we really need to talk. It's better to do it now instead of putting it off." Nate stood relaxed near the agent.

"Nate, I'd love to but I need to get my workout done and then shower. Hetty put this mountain of files on my desk for me to get through. I just don't have time today. Maybe some other time," Callen explained.

"Hetty will understand about the files. She's the reason I am here. We won't be too long," Nate gently replied, watching as Callen wrapped his hands for some heavy bag action.

Callen frowned. He hated to be rude to Nate; they had known each other for years and the man was just trying to do his job. But there was no way he was going to be questioned and scrutinized and forced into sessions with a shrink - Nate or anyone else. Callen knew he had screwed up. What more needed to be said?

"Look, Nate. It's not happening. Not today, not ever. Write up whatever you have to on me, but I am not going to lay on your couch and talk about my lack of this or need for that, or how my horrible childhood has led to x, y, and z. Just leave me alone!" Callen turned his back on Nate and walked off across the gym.

_"__That went better than expected, actually,"_ Nate thought. _"Time to see if the next one has arrived."_

Nate strolled back to the bullpen, coffee cup still in hand. While he was in the gym with Callen, the other three team members had come in. They were all busy at their desks. Kensi was the only one who looked up when Nate entered.

"Hey Nate. Early morning?" she asked with a forced smile.

"Yeah. I have a lot of appointments today. Always something to do around here," Nate answered. He walked over and stood in front of Deeks' desk. The detective sat staring at his computer screen with an emotionless face.

"Good morning. I'm hoping you are available to come upstairs and chat with me for a bit. Nothing serious, just casual," Nate said gently.

Sam froze when he heard those words, knowing his turn would be soon enough. Kensi looked up at Deeks to see how he would react to Nate's request. Instead of any protest or outburst – which she was expecting from her partner – Deeks mumbled "Sure," stood up, and motioned for Nate to lead the way. With his head hung down and shoulders slumped, Deeks followed Nate up the stairs. Kensi noticed how grey-blue his eyes looked as he walked past. His eyes used to be as blue as the ocean on a clear day and full of life. It was one of her favorite things about Deeks. However, the color in his eyes now was as drained of vivacity as the rest of him appeared to be. She mouthed a silent prayer that Nate could help restore that.

Upstairs, Nate opened his office door and gestured for Deeks to come in. Deeks strolled across the room and laid down on the grey-green couch, his head resting on one of the padded ends. He crossed his arms over his chest and waited. Nate took a seat in an arm-chair near the couch.

"Are you comfortable?" he asked Deeks.

"Yes."

"You don't have to lay on the couch if you don't want to. It's not a requirement – they only do that on TV."

Silence.

"OK. Why don't you just tell me what's going on with you. What is going on in your life? It can be any topic you want: surfing, movies, women, work, Monty, etc. We're just co-workers catching up," Nate began.

More silence.

"Deeks – or do you prefer Marty or Martin?" Nate asked.

Deeks looked straight ahead and just shrugged his shoulders.

"Do you want to be here talking with me?" the psychologist inquired.

"No."

"Do you understand that you have to be cleared by a psychologist before you can return to active cases in the field, both for LAPD and NCIS?"

"Yes."

"Alright. If I remember correctly, you're a great surfer. How have the waves been? Gone out surfing lately?"

"No."

"No surfing? Has your doctor cleared you physically to resume surfing?" Nate knew he had been; he had read the doctor's release forms.

"Yes."

"I know you haven't been working as many hours as you used to, so if you aren't surfing in your free time, what are you up to? A new hobby? Dating someone?"

"No."

Nate knew there had been chemistry between Deeks and Kensi, but he didn't know if anything more had developed while he was gone. From their brief encounters at work and their dinner out as a group, he knew that Kensi was very concerned about Deeks. However, knowing Kensi and her talent for masking emotions, it was heard to tell if that concern was partnerly or something deeper.

"Deeks, I'm not going to force you to talk about anything in particular. You can direct the conversation but I would like to talk with you. I think it would be good," Nate gently said.

Still more silence from the couch.

"I also can't force you to stay in here if you don't want to be in here. Just remember that your job duties here and at the precinct will be limited until we talk more and you are cleared," Nate told him.

In one quick movement, Deeks swung his legs off the couch and stood up. He paused to look Nate in the eye, almost like he was searching for answers, then strode out the door.

"I'm here anytime you are ready," Nate called out as Deeks disappeared down the hall. Nate made a few notes on the paper in his hand, and wondered if the rest of his day would be as productive as the morning had been.

* * *

_"__Director Vance:_

_I am resigning my position as the operations manager of NCIS:OSP effective immediately. No further discussion is needed on this matter. I have made up my mind for good. It has become too much._

_Sincerely,_

_Henrietta Lange"_

She sat there, a hot cup of tea next to her, re-reading the letter she had just typed on her screen. She could have re-used the letter she had written last time, but instead decided to write a new, shorter one. There was no need to explain all her reasons to the director this time. He knew what was happening here – what had happened here – and if she tried to explain anything further, she feared her writing style would take on a much less professional tone. Hetty read the words one more time as the blinking cursor at the end of the document kept a steady beat. She planned to print it out and hand it to Owen Granger tomorrow, right after she e-mailed the same thing to Director Vance. She also needed to see her people one last time; she wouldn't take the cowardly way of leaving the letter on her desk and sneaking out. They deserved better. They deserved better than her. She picked up her tea cup with a shaky hand and took a sip. At least there was one thing she could still find pleasure in right now.

Hetty clicked on the "save" button and closed the document. She didn't need to look at it anymore today. She gazed around the operations center she had considered home for several years. The building was still as familiar as ever, but the atmosphere had changed drastically. Her eyes fell on four people sitting at desks. Those four would always have a special place in her heart, along with a few others throughout the building who were always there when she needed them. Hetty would try to remember them as they had always been – people full of life, people who didn't let anything get them down. People whose love and loyalty to each other was as explosive as the weapons they carried.

She sighed as she picked up her purse and placed the strap over her shoulder. She needed to leave early today. Tomorrow would be a difficult day indeed.

* * *

_Is Hetty really going to do it this time? Will Nate be able to get anyone to open up? Tune in for chapter 5 (as soon as I have it ready - have jury duty this week so no time to write as often). And __THANK YOU__ for all the reviews, follows and favorites! It's so encouraging to know that people want to read what I write._


	5. Chapter 5

_Thank you for the reviews and love through all the favorites and follows! You readers are awesome! And now I bring you Chapter 5..._

* * *

The next day, Nate decided to start with Kensi. She had been the friendliest upon his arrival, and at least by outward appearances seemed to be the least affected by the events of the case. He looked across his office at her. She was fidgeting with her fingers in her lap, and she opened and closed her mouth several times, as if wanting to say something.

"Kensi, you know you can talk to me about anything. I am here to listen," Nate began.

She sighed. This was just a waste of time. "Nate, you know I respect you. But why am I in here? I'm fine. You know that," she spoke quickly.

"All I know is that when you say you're fine, that usually means you are not. And you should know that everyone on your team has to be cleared by a psychologist before returning to field work," Nate replied calmly.

"I am fine. Really. I'm a little annoyed that no one is talking to each other, but we've all been through some tough shit. It's not me you should be worrying about or wasting time on though. Callen, Sam, Deeks – those are the guys you need to be focusing on. I wasn't tortured. I wasn't beaten. I wasn't betrayed by some psychopath."

"I am talking with everyone, Kensi. You weren't tortured or beaten, but your partner was. How do you feel about that?"

"Seriously Nate? You're asking me how I feel about my partner coming close to death? How do you think I feel? It's horrible. Deeks went through a lot he shouldn't have ever had to, and now he's not the same," Kensi said, her voice getting louder and more defensive with each sentence. "You need to fix him!"

Nate nodded and made some notes. He looked up at Kensi and patiently waited for her to continue. Instead, Kensi stood up and stared down at him.

"You know what? I am done with this. You are wasting my time and yours. I am thinking clearly, I am not injured, and I am not in any kind of post traumatic stress. If you don't think I am fit for the field, fine. But I need to get out there and find a way to help my partner and my team. Goodbye, Nate." Kensi stormed out of his office and down the stairs.

About an hour later, Nate found himself face to face with Sam in his office. He was quite surprised when Sam agreed to talk with him, and he even seemed eager to do so.

"How are Michelle and the kids?" Nate began.

"Good. They're good. The kids started school and Michelle is home again," Sam simply replied.

"How is life at home? Have you all settled back into normal routines?" Nate asked.

"Yeah, pretty much."

"Have there been any uncomfortable or awkward moments with either your kids or your wife since you came home from the hospital?"

Sam's mind recalled multiple arguments with Michelle, and times when he had shut himself off from his kids. "No, not really. The kids don't really know anything other than I got hurt, and Michelle and I don't talk about it much at all," he lied. He looked at the clock on the wall. It had only been 10 minutes.

"Have you and Michelle ever talked about what happened?" Nate tried to get Sam to open up a bit more.

"Ever? She knows I was tortured, she knows the extent of my injuries and my physical condition. She knows I still can't sleep well. But we don't bring it up and relive it all over again," Sam answered slightly annoyed.

"You're not sleeping well? In what ways? How long has this been going on?" Nate wrote in his notebook then looked up.

"A little while. It's not a big deal, just a few bad dreams here and there. It happened after bad missions when I was with the SEALS, too. Nothing I can't handle, man," Sam told him.

"Hmmmm."

"Seriously, it's not a big deal. I can handle this. I have been trained to handle this," Sam continued, his voice betraying his growing frustration. "I'm good Nate. Can I go now?"

"You can leave anytime. You aren't forced to stay here for a certain amount of time," Nate answered calmly.

"Good. Then it's over. This means I can go back in the field now, right?" Sam asked hopefully.

Nate shook his head. "Not exactly Sam. I think there is more we need to discuss before you are ready. There are things you are avoiding and I believe things you are hiding from."

"Uh-uh. No way. You said I had to come talk to you. I did. Now I want to go back in the field and do my job. This is crazy," Sam complained.

"Take it up with Hetty. It's her rules and NCIS procedure."

"I just might." Sam left Nate's office with a slam of the door grumbling Hetty's name.

* * *

Kensi had been replaying her session with Nate over and over in her head. She had been rude, and she knew that Nate was just trying to help. Her frustrations had taken over and she lashed out at the one person who was trying to make a difference. Kensi walked up the stairs and knocked on Nate's door.

"I'm sorry for earlier today. Can I come in?" she softly asked.

He nodded, and she made her way over to the couch. This time she didn't fidget or hesitate. "Nate, I need to talk to you. I've tried to do this on my own, but nothing is working. Deeks and I… we're not the same as before. Everything is different now, and it's probably my fault. He hates me," she acknowledged out loud.

"Different how?" Nate inquired.

"Us, our partnership. We don't talk anymore. He won't talk to me, and I'm tired of trying to get him to. He doesn't joke around anymore; we don't have our usual banter, none of it. It's almost like he's shut down." Kensi paused and took a breath. "Did he… did he say anything about what happened between us?"

"Kensi, I can't tell you what Deeks said or didn't say during his session. It's confidential, just like our conversation now," Nate reminded her. "Why don't you tell me what happened?"

"We, um, we kissed. Well, he kissed me. During the case, and it wasn't to sell a cover story," she admitted.

"Did you want him to kiss you?" Nate gently asked.

"Yes. No. I don't know. It's so complicated. Ugh," Kensi flopped her hands down on the couch cushion.

"Ok. What happened after he kissed you?"

"I ran off. I mean, it was for the case; I had to follow Michelle. But I didn't say anything to Deeks. We looked at each other, and then like an idiot I said I needed to follow her. Then I left him standing there," she said almost apologetically.

"Have you and Deeks talked about the kiss since it happened?" Nate slowly pressed her for more details.

"No. I want to, I mean I think we should, but he won't talk about anything with me, not even minor things. I can't get through to him, I don't know how to get through to him, and I'm afraid he hates me and I've ruined our partnership and our friendship and anything else we might have had." Kensi was speaking rapidly and the words were just coming out now.

Nate was curious about this latest revelation. "Anything else? What do you mean by that?"

Hesitantly at first, then gradually relaxing, Kensi began to tell Nate about the last few months and how things had escalated between her and Deeks. She told him again about their argument and subsequent kiss during the Siderov mission. Finally, she revealed her feelings for Deeks, admitting to Nate that she had more than just friendly partner feelings. Kensi was quite honest with him, more honest than she had been about the situation with anyone. She voiced her frustration in not knowing how to talk to Deeks or how to reach him. She doesn't want to lose him. Kensi also admitted that she was at a loss when it came to Callen and Sam as well – two men she considered her older brothers. They were no longer speaking to each other or to her, and it really bothered her.

Nate patiently let Kensi speak for as long as she needed to, and reassured her with simple questions and responses for her ponder. He encouraged her to not give up on any of the men in her life, and just keep trying to reach out to them.

Just before she left his office, Nate let Kensi know that he would clear her for active field work. He had no concerns that the current affairs of her heart would prevent her from doing her job effectively.

* * *

"Hetty!"

Sam's booming voice echoed within the enclosed area Hetty called her office. He sounded upset and she was pretty sure she knew why.

"What can I do for you, Mr. Hanna?" she asked calmly as he stormed up to her desk.

"I talked to Nate, and then he said I'm still not cleared for the field. Something about your rules… what's going on?"

"Mr. Hanna, the directive to speak with Mr. Getz is not about frequency, but about progress. That last case affected all of us in profound ways, and we each need the opportunity to discuss those things in a safe environment. Unless you can be honest with yourself about your mental health and how you are dealing with everything that has happened, you will not be effective in the field. We have these rules and protocols in place for specific reasons," Hetty explained.

"But Hetty, I've been doing this for years. I know how to cope, how to handle things. I am fine and I can do my job," Sam told her.

"You may think you can handle this and that you are fine, but what I have observed tells a different story. You and your teammates do not interact anymore; you will not talk to them or even make eye contact. I'm not sure what your home life is like, but if it is anything like your work life, then you still have a ways to go." Hetty paused to take a sip of her tea. "There is no judgment about anything Mr. Hanna. What happened, happened. Now we just need to be honest with ourselves and each other in order to heal and move on. Mr. Getz is a professional and I trust that he has good reasons for not clearing you yet. Do you think you can give him another chance? I don't want to lose you on this team."

Sam nodded slowly. Hetty was right - he wasn't being honest with himself or anyone else. And he had been avoiding all those closest to him. How did that woman always know what to say? How was she able to always see the piece of them that they tried hardest to hide? As much as he didn't want to talk to anyone about what took place, the thought of disappointing Hetty was much stronger. He wasn't going to seek out Nate, but if approached he would try harder next time. For her.

After Sam left, Hetty sat looking at the letter on her computer screen. She was going to email and then print the letter out when Sam interrupted her. Even though Hetty had been feeling helpless, her talk with Sam left her feeling a little more hopeful. He seemed to understand what was at stake and possibly even accepting of what he needed to do. Hetty looked up and saw Kensi walking down the stairs. She had a little more spring in her step, and the look on her face was lighter than it had been. Maybe it was Hetty's imagination or wishful thinking, but maybe things could get better. She decided to wait on the letter one more day. It wasn't dated after all.

* * *

_So Hetty seems to be staying... Kensi finally opened up to someone, and Sam is acknowledging there is room for progress. Nate has some more work to do in the next chapter. Stay tuned!_


	6. Chapter 6

_Would love to know what you think of this chapter. Since I'm not a psychologist and have never taken a psychology class, writing scenes like these are tricky. Nate is a busy man..._

* * *

Another week went by. Nate kept patiently trying to speak again with Callen, Sam and Deeks. He didn't have much luck. Kensi seemed a little more herself, although still irritated that Deeks and the rest of the men didn't really communicate with her or each other. When she wasn't out in the field with the B team on a case, she spent time in ops with Nell and Eric.

Nate had managed to have a session with Eric and Nell, separately. As he had suspected, they hadn't been traumatized nearly as much as the others by the Siderov case. They had heard and seen a lot through the comms the team wore in the field, but it hadn't affected them in the same way. Mostly Eric and Nell were concerned for their teammates, and wanting to get things back to the way they used to be. Nate let them know that things may never be the way they were before, but things could certainly improve. Like he had with Kensi, he encouraged them to not give up on anyone. There was a lot of healing to be done yet.

By the end of the week, Nate decided he needed a new approach with the men. He wasn't getting anywhere by trying to get them up in his office to talk. He knew they all had demons they were refusing to face, and their careers would be in jeopardy if it went on much longer. Friday afternoon he came up with a plan. He would be working through the weekend, but it didn't matter. Their well-being was more important. Plus, he had no social life since he and Rose weren't speaking yet.

* * *

Saturday morning Nate woke up early. He dressed casually, grabbed some breakfast, and headed out. He drove past an apartment complex and slowed down to see if a certain red car was in the lot. It was not, so he continued on to his final destination. Nate parked his car and started walking across the sand. He had a strong hunch that even though the surfing had not been resumed yet, his intended target would be here anyway. This was a safe place for him. After a brief survey of the beach, Nate saw him sitting in the sand off to the far left, his dog Monty lying by his side. They appeared to be looking out over the water silently. Slowly Nate strolled over closer to Deeks, not wanting to startle him. He was about eight feet away and a little behind him when he heard Deeks start talking.

"I really screwed things up, didn't I boy?" Deeks said as he scratched his furry friend behind the ears. Monty turned his head and looked questioningly at his human companion.

"Look at me. It's a beautiful morning and I'm sitting on the sand. I can't bring myself to get back on my board. Pretty pathetic," he continued.

Nate stood very still, just listening and taking mental notes. He didn't want to interrupt this moment of honesty that Deeks was having with his dog.

"You know Kensi asked us to come over last night," Deeks continued. At the mention of his partner's name, Monty perked up and his tail began to wag. "Yes, she invited you, too. I just blew her off. Stupid, stupid, stupid. The woman of my dreams invites me over to her house and I can't even talk to her. All because of one kiss. Talk about messed up." He paused. "I wish you could speak, Monty. You're the only one I can talk to, the only one I can share with. I could really use some feedback though, and some advice. I know I can't keep going on like this, but I don't know what to do." Deeks hung his head in his hands.

"Maybe you could give me another chance? I would really like to help, or at least listen," Nate finally spoke up. He took a few steps closer to the duo and sat down on the other side of Monty.

"Hey. I don't remember having anything scheduled with you today. What are you doing here?" Deeks asked, more curious than angry.

"I got the feeling you weren't comfortable in my office. I thought I would come to you, to a place where you are comfortable. I just want to help Deeks," Nate explained, then paused. He reached over and pet Monty. "And I can do more than turn my head and wag my tail, if you'd like."

Deeks sighed. Nate wouldn't give up, and he wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a really, really annoying thing. "What am I supposed to talk to you about?" he asked the shrink.

"Whatever you'd like. It's all up to you," Nate replied. The two men sat there on the sand, staring out at the sparkling water for a few moments before Deeks finally spoke up.

"It really sucks, you know? It's something that is stuck in my head and no matter what I can't get rid of it," he said.

Nate nodded but stayed quiet, sensing that Deeks needed uninterrupted time to unload.

"I only show up for work because I need the money. But that's the worst place to be because I see him and everything reminds me of what happened."

"Who is 'him'? Who do you see?" Nate gently asked.

"Sam." Deeks looked at Nate as he said the ex-SEAL's name.

After three hours on the beach, Deeks and Nate ended up having a better session than in the office. Deeks admitted many things to Nate about his feelings regarding Sam: how much it had hurt him to hear Sam verbally attack his character, and yet how easy it had been to make the decision to drop his weapon and dive in after Sam in that pool; how he endured the excruciating pain of every minute in that awful chair Siderov tortured him in, just so he could prove to Sam how very wrong he had been. Finally, Deeks talked about his partner. He told Nate about the kiss on the ridge before the swimming pool incident, and how Kensi's reaction had hurt more than anything. He admitted how he really felt about Kensi – how he had been in love with her for a long time now and had been patiently waiting for her to be ready for more of a relationship. Deeks voiced his concerns about working with her now, feeling rejected like he did, and about continuing with NCIS in general.

Nate listened to everything Deeks had to say; only asking questions for clarification or to get Deeks to open up a bit more. After the detective seemed to exhaust the list of things on his mind, Nate spoke up. He told Deeks that in order to start healing, he recommended having a conversation with Sam. It could be a private talk or with others present – whatever he was most comfortable with. Nate also suggested that Deeks needed to speak with Kensi. There was no way to know what she was thinking or feeling without speaking directly to her. It was important for his healing as well, and for the future of their partnership and at the very minimum, work relationship.

Deeks seemed to honestly consider Nate's advice. "I know you mean well, Nate, but I'm not sure if I'm ready for those conversations just yet," Deeks softly admitted.

"There's no rush. Have them when you are ready, but don't give up on your teammates. There are a lot of people who care about you and just want to be here for you. Don't push anyone away." Nate stood up and brushed the sand off his shorts. He and Deeks exchanged farewells, and then Nate returned to his car.

* * *

After enjoying a leisurely lunch at a café near the beach, Nate went in search of his next self-imposed weekend appointment. He drove over to the Venice Beach area first. He got out and walked around for a bit, observing people as he wandered among the shops and vendors always present. Unsuccessful after an hour and a half, Nate got back in his car and drove to another part of town. He parked and walked across the street, up to the front door of a home. He knocked and waited. After a couple minutes the door slowly opened and G Callen peered out suspiciously.

"Hey Callen. Did I catch you at a bad time?"

"I'm not busy if that's what you're asking," Callen answered in a somewhat aggravated tone.

"Great. I thought maybe we could chat, even if it's just a little bit," Nate offered.

"Here?" Callen never invited people over to his home, and even Sam would call before just showing up.

"Here is fine, unless there is somewhere else you'd prefer."

Callen sighed. "You aren't going to leave until I agree to talk with you, are you?"

"Not likely," Nate replied. "I have no plans for my weekend, so I can hang out as long as it takes."

Callen made a face and relented. He invited Nate inside and closed the door. He looked around at the sparse furnishings – one chair and a lamp in the living room – and chose to take a seat on the floor against the wall, stretching out his long legs.

"Hetty said this house has special significance to you," Nate recalled, trying to start the conversation.

Callen sat in the only chair across the room from Nate. "Yeah. It's from an actual happy moment in my childhood. Possibly the only one."

Nate nodded but didn't speak. He only knew the basics of Callen's childhood – the frequency of moves and the number of foster homes. He had heard bits and pieces of his family history in Europe, but Callen himself had never brought up his history or his childhood years. This was new for him to talk about it.

After a little more small talk, Callen offered Nate a beer. The two men sat quietly enjoying a beer together. Cautiously so as not to scare him off, Nate started to ask a few questions of Callen. The senior agent answered, sometimes with only a few words and other times expanding more. As the afternoon wore on, Callen started to reveal his feelings of guilt about everything that happened. He felt that everything was his fault and everyone on the team hated him. Because of those feelings, he couldn't bring himself to look at his co-workers much less talk with them. When asked about it, he admitted that he regretted bringing Janvier into the case. Every single day that voice of regret whispered inside his head and wouldn't let him forget. Callen also hinted at thoughts of going to a different agency. He wasn't sure if he was welcome or useful at NCIS anymore. He felt almost defeated by everything that had taken place and by the memories that wouldn't leave him alone. He had failed his team.

Nate had never heard Callen talk like that. G Callen had always been the one who encouraged the others on his team, the one who was confident and carried on no matter what. The man in front of him had been carrying a heavy burden. Nate let him know that it was ok to reconsider his decisions on the case, so that he could make better decisions in the future. However, the whispers of regret and defeat that he heard were lies, and Nate told Callen that he did not need to believe them anymore. His identity and worth were not defined by what happened in the past. He was still a great agent with a lot to offer NCIS and his teammates, and there was no reason for him to leave. There were a lot of people who loved him and cared about him. Nate encouraged Callen to start talking to his team – his friends – again, and not shut them out. He suggested starting with small things or safe topics, such as a basketball game in the gym or the lunch menu at a nearby diner. Callen slowly nodded his head, taking in Nate's words and advice.

****

"Callen," Nate said, looking directly at the man, "thank you for trusting me with everything you just shared. I know it was not easy for you, so I really appreciate your honesty." He assured Callen that their conversation would be kept confidential, just as if they had been at the office. He also recommended that Callen come speak with him more often, so they could continue working towards healing. Nate reminded him that they could talk anywhere that Callen was comfortable, whether it was at his home again, the office, the beach, or wherever. Even though G Callen had made some good progress that afternoon, Nate was not ready to clear him for active field work.

"Thank you for finding me, Nate," Callen said as he shook his hand at the door.

"You're not lost, Callen. I'm just meeting you where you are." Nate smiled and walked to his car.

* * *

**A/N: part of Callen and Nate's conversation was inspired by lyrics from the song "Hello My Name Is" by Matthew West.**

_Nate's plan seemed to have worked out fairly well. One more man left to talk with, which means Nate's weekend isn't over yet. Chapter 7 will bring Nate and Sam together, and then a big, honest, much-needed Densi talk!_


	7. Chapter 7

_Sorry for a long wait, but my perfectionist self kept editing the Densi "big talk" (2nd half of chapter) until it was just right. I hope this longer chapter makes up for the wait. Oh, and you might want to have some tissues ready..._

* * *

Sunday was traditionally a day of rest. Nate found this ironic as he sat at his desk at 9 am Sunday morning. Although he was pleased with the progress that had been made yesterday with Callen and Deeks, it had tired him out. Listening to people and keeping their secrets was an exhausting – albeit rewarding – career. Yet Nate found himself at the mission bright and early, ready for another round.

It was quiet that morning, eerily quiet. He had never been in the mission completely alone before, but he counted on that emptiness. He parked a few blocks down and walked to the building. He turned off the cameras in certain parts of the building after getting approval from Hetty, and left all the lights off as if he had never been there. Nate sat silently, waiting.

Half an hour later, Agent Sam Hanna unlocked the big doors and entered the OSP. He stopped just inside the door and looked around. Confident that he was alone, he turned on one light and proceeded to the gym. He changed into a sleeveless t-shirt and shorts and began his workout on the bike. Satisfied with his warm-up, Sam crossed the gym to glove up. After some shadow boxing, he started in on the heavy bag. Each punch, each kick got more intense until sweat was pouring down his face.

"Whose face are you imagining on that bag?"

Sam stopped suddenly, startled at the sound of another person's voice. He hadn't been expecting anyone in today. "Geez Nate! What the hell are you doing here?" he asked, looking at the tall man. He was wearing shorts, a t-shirt and tennis shoes.

"Well, I was going to work out, but since you're here, how about a game of one-on-one?" Nate walked over to the corner and picked up a basketball.

Sam reluctantly agreed, curious about why Nate – the not-so-athletic-psychologist-Nate – wanted to play a game with him. They started, and in between dribbles and shots, Nate spoke up.

"So, who's face was on that bag?"

"My own," Sam replied, trying to block Nate's shot.

"Why would you want to beat yourself up?" Nate took a step sideways and spun around to get away from his opponent.

"You wouldn't understand. It's… nothing."

"Try me. I understand a lot more than most people think," Nate said as he jumped up and took a shot at the basket, neatly putting the ball through the net. Sam might have been bulkier, but Nate was still taller.

"I did something I shouldn't have. I can't take it back and I'm not sure how to fix it. I think I really hurt someone," Sam spoke vaguely. He dribbled the ball in front of him without moving anywhere on the court, almost as if in thought. Nate waited to see what Sam would do next. He walked with the ball towards center court; Nate followed him. In a flash, Sam sidestepped Nate and took a shot at the basket. The ball bounced on the rim and then fell in. "Now we're even."

Nate grabbed the ball and held on to it. He walked over to Sam. "If we're even, then why is only one of us walking around with a chip on his shoulder and a scowl that could scare a witch?"

Sam's eyes immediately ignited and the vein on the side of his forehead pumped vigorously. He couldn't believe Nate would say something like that to him; and yet he couldn't deny the truth in his words. In a huff, Sam marched over to the bench on the side and sat down.

Over the next two hours, in a rhythm of outburst – silence – discussion, Nate got Sam to air much of what he had been carrying around. Sam admitted what he had said to Deeks, but defended himself saying that is how he treats new guys – with a tough love approach. Nate challenged Sam to think about how his words might have come across to Deeks and how that might have affected him professionally and personally. Sam explained to Nate that he is SEAL and always will be. That's how he lives his life. The first rule of SEAL teams is to never leave your man. The SEAL teams create such a bond that they would never dream of leaving any of the other team members, and that bond is what makes them so successful. They are able to do what they do because they can rely on each other undoubtedly. Sam didn't feel like Deeks was a real part of the team; they didn't have that bond with him that the other three of them shared. Deeks was always leaving NCIS and going to LAPD when called back for a case, so they couldn't rely on him. Nate reminded him that Deeks isn't a SEAL, and their team is not a SEAL team. Sam agreed but said it was the same principle at work with this team, and Deeks needed to decide where his loyalties lie.

Nate asked about Sam's home life and family, and after initially denying any problems, Sam finally confessed to closing himself off from his kids and arguing with his wife. Their "normalness", he said, made him feel like an outsider in his own home. He didn't know how to relate to them. He also revealed that Michelle had asked him to retire early. Between his years of active duty service and time as a federal agent, he was eligible for early retirement. Between his Navy pension, federal pension, and Michelle's income, they would be fine financially. But Sam felt like she thought of him as no longer capable – that he was damaged and couldn't do his job anymore. He also mentioned that he and Callen hadn't been speaking either, and he wondered if his partner felt the same way about him as his wife did – that he was damaged and no good to the team now.

Nate took a few deep breaths before speaking to Sam. This agent had been carrying around a burden much larger than Nate had suspected. Slowly, Nate tried to restore Sam's confidence – that he was not damaged or incapable of doing this job. He listed the skills Sam had that he excelled at. He explained that everyone goes through some very difficult situations, and it was normal for those situations to make him question things about himself. As for the situation with Deeks, Nate suggested that he try to reach out to the detective. He encouraged him to have an honest talk with Deeks, gently letting him know how he feels about the team aspect. However, after what those two men endured at the hands of Siderov, Sam shouldn't be concerned with Deeks' character. Finally, Nate asked Sam to take things one day at a time with his family. Perhaps his wife was worried about him but didn't know how to be there for him, or didn't know what he needed. Honesty, especially with loved ones, was always the best way. Sam didn't like having Nate tell him what he should do, but he knew nothing would change until he spoke up about what was on his mind. Nate shook his hand and walked into the locker room.

* * *

Deeks knocked on the door and waited nervously. He wasn't sure if he would be greeted with a smile, a fist or a gun – or greeted at all. He could have called first, but he didn't want to give her a chance to make excuses. This was going to be hard but it had to be done before more time passed. His talk with Nate yesterday – while not solving everything – had helped Deeks figure out that much.

After what seemed an agonizingly long time, Kensi opened the door. She was surprised to see her partner standing in front of her but was polite to him. After greetings and short small talk were exchanged, she invited him in to her apartment. Kensi grabbed two beers out of the fridge and after relocating a large pile of stuff, gestured for Deeks to have a seat on the couch. They sat silently at opposite ends, drinking their beer. In between drinks, Deeks played with the label on the bottle, picking at one corner. Kensi watched him but didn't speak. She figured he had come over for a reason; the fact that he was here at all, at his own doing, was a good sign in her mind.

"Kens," Deeks started out. "A lot of things have been going through my head, and with some help I've realized that I don't have all the answers. We need to talk."

"Ok, Deeks. I think that's a good idea, actually," Kensi agreed. She fought back the urge to take control of the conversation.

"Um, well, a lot has happened… with me, with the team, with us. There have been a lot of changes in a short amount of time. It's kind of overwhelming some days, and I admit that I have avoided dealing with any of it," Deeks said. "I think it would have been easier to deal with if I would have had someone by my side to help me through it," he softly admitted, looking down at the floor.

Kensi was confused. "What do you mean? I stayed with you after the hospital until you could move around on your own."

"Yeah, you were there, but we never talked; not about anything important at least. Maybe that was my fault, maybe it was yours, but the point is that we went from bad communication to no communication." He slowly raised his eyes until he was looking into Kensi's sun-kissed face. "I thought I had made my feelings for you clear before… before everything went to hell, but I know now that you don't share those feelings."

It dawned on Kensi what he was talking about – the kiss on the ridge. "Deeks, I understood your communication that day. I was just very surprised. Why do you think that I don't share those feelings?"

"Because as soon as I kissed you, you stared straight ahead and then ran off!" There was an edginess to his voice, almost like controlled anger. "You didn't even say one thing to me Kensi. Not one word. Do you have any idea how insignificant that made me feel?"

Kensi shook her head slowly. "I'm so sorry Deeks. I really am. You got the wrong impression of the effect you had on me. That kiss was amazing. More than amazing to be honest. I still think about it every day. It definitely took me by surprise – I was not expecting you to do anything like that – and when you stepped back from me my brain was just a jumble of thoughts and emotions. I couldn't have said something meaningful if I wanted to."

"You seemed to have no problem telling me you had to leave and follow Agent Hanna," Deeks spat out.

"Ugh, please don't get angry with me. That's who I am – I am a federal agent and I was on a case at the time. I had orders. You know that when I'm in the field on assignment I get in a zone. My mind focuses on the case and what the goal is. Kissing you wasn't something I was prepared for; having a discussion about our thing wasn't what my mind was focused on." Kensi paused before continuing. "I've never been involved with someone I've worked with before. I don't know how to balance the agent/partner part and the something more part at the same time."

Deeks' voice softened. "What about after? When you were at my apartment for two weeks? Why didn't you talk to me about it then?"

Kensi bit her bottom lip and played with a stray thread on her couch cushion. "I was afraid to say anything. I thought the reason you got captured and, well, you know…"

"It's ok to say it Kens. Tortured," Deeks interrupted her.

"I thought the reason you got captured and tortured was because of me. Because I did run off after Michelle and I wasn't there to back you up and help you out. I am no good for the men in my life. I ran off to the movies and my dad died. I ran off to every class and counseling session I could think of and Jack disappeared. I went off to a karaoke night and Dom got kidnapped and killed. I'm cursed," Kensi confessed while staring at the floor. "I figured I'm no good for you, and our kiss didn't matter anymore because you hated me; that you blamed me for your horrific experience."

"I don't hate you. I could never hate you. That's what makes this so much harder," Deeks replied. He took a deep breath and set the empty beer bottle on the coffee table. "You know when that psychopath had me and did all sorts of shit to me… you know what got me through the pain? Two things: my need to prove Sam wrong, and you."

"Me?"

"Yeah. Even though I was bitter about what happened after I kissed you, I couldn't stop thinking about you. I had a lot of time to think. Images of your smile, your body, your hair filled my head. I remembered our good times, our fun times. I thought back to the first time we met and how you had me hooked right from the start. I kept replaying the kiss in my mind and how your lips felt against mine," Deeks acknowledged with the hint of a smile on his lips.

"Wow," Kensi answered astonished. "I had no idea. I remember the first time we met, too, and being very attracted to you despite the fact I thought you were a suspect. Ummm, I guess I should admit that even though I was following orders on the case, I had a hard time focusing because all I could think about was that kiss and the way you made me feel. I'm sorry I never told you Deeks. I'm sorry I couldn't bring myself to tell you before how much you mean to me."

"What do I mean to you?" Deeks asked her.

Without thinking about it, Kensi answered. "You mean everything to me, Deeks. Everything. I should have figured it out a long time ago, but I know for sure now. You are more than just a work partner to me, and more than just a friend. I love everything about us and miss it when you're not with me. You made your way into my heart, which I know I didn't make easy, and I've never pushed you out," she admitted.

"You know what scared me the most about being in there, with Russian guy and his cronies? Not that I would betray Michelle's cover, and not that I would be horribly injured or die. No, the thing I was most scared of in there was that I would die never being completely honest with you. That you would never know exactly how I felt about you, and I would leave you alone with no way of knowing," Deeks told her, his voice a little shaky.

"Knowing what?"

"Knowing that I love you Kensi. Knowing that I have been in love with you for a long time and probably always will be."

For several minutes they sat in silence, staring into each other's eyes. Kensi felt her heart beat faster but not in a way that frightened her. Deeks fought the desire to wrap his arms around her and pull her close to him. There was more he needed to say, and an intimate embrace would not make it any easier. Taking a deep breath, he continued.

"Kensi, I'm going to be gone from NCIS for a while," Deeks said hesitantly.

"What?! You – you're leaving? You can't do that. You can't tell me you're in love with me and then tell me you're leaving. That's just, I don't know... rude," Kensi protested.

"Calm down. This isn't a permanent thing, but it's something I need to do – for myself and for us, if there is ever going to be a future for us," Deeks responded. "I realized that we both have some healing to do before we can hope to move forward successfully."

Deeks explained to Kensi that neither of them had ever fully healed from their pasts, and that was interfering in their ability to have a future. After talking with Nate on the beach, he started to understand that he still had issues from his childhood that he hadn't dealt with - he just tried to keep busy and move from one thing to the next to push it away. He also had a lot of emotional and spiritual issues to deal with from this latest case. From her earlier admission and other things she had said, he suspected that Kensi had issues from her past that she hadn't healed from yet either – especially concerning her father, Jack, and Dom. Kensi tried to interrupt him, but she couldn't deny that everything he said was true.

"How is your leaving NCIS going to help any of that?" Kensi asked, not understanding the connection.

"Because I can't be in love with you and be around you every day if you don't want the same things that I do. And because I can't NOT be in love with you. I've tried, but you are such a huge part of who I am and my life. You own my heart. I feel like I'm stuck in limbo, Kens, and I need some time away to figure out a lot of things, both about myself and about you. And I need time away from the whole team." Deeks looked back down at the floor, thinking about everything Sam had said to him.

"So where are you going? What are you going to do? Will I ever see you again?" Kensi asked him, tears starting to form in the corners of her eyes.

"Yeah, we'll keep in touch. I will still be the liaison between our agencies, but in a more hands-off approach. I already drafted my proposal for Hetty and Bates. I will work out of the precinct, and anytime you guys need LAPD assistance you or Callen or whoever can call me. I'll make all the arrangements so NCIS gets what they need. Plus, I have no idea how long it's going to be until I'm cleared for field work so this will be a good solution."

Kensi shook her head no and tried to hold back the tears. She insisted he didn't have to do that; it was her fault and he shouldn't feel like he had to leave. His place is at OSP with the team. Deeks told her that before he could be a member of their team, he needed to figure out who he was and where he was headed in life first. She wanted so badly to not beg, to not plead with him, but holding back and hiding emotions had brought her to where they stood with each other now. She stopped trying to control the flow of tears.

"Don't, please. You don't have to do this. Deeks, please, please don't give up on this – on us and our partnership, friendship, everything," she cried.

Deeks looked at his beautiful companion. Slowly he reached up and brushed away a tear on her cheek with his thumb. "I'm not giving up, Kens. We'll always be partners, just maybe not always in the same way as we have been. I have to do this, for us. We both need this time."

He promised her that he would keep in touch from time to time. They stood up and Deeks tried to make his way to the door. Without hesitating or thinking, Kensi grabbed his face and kissed him. It was Deeks who was left speechless and blinking in surprise this time.

Kensi brushed away a few more tears that had fallen on her own face. "I just needed one more to last me until next time," she admitted softly. Deeks wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into a tight embrace. He inhaled deeply, taking in her scent to keep as a memory until next time.

"I love you, too," Kensi whispered in his ear. They broke the embrace and Deeks smiled at her, slowly nodding his head up and down. Then he turned and quickly left. Kensi locked the door, made her way to the bedroom and turned out the lights. She stripped off her jeans and climbed under the large blanket. That night Kensi Blye cried herself to sleep.

* * *

_Whew! I promise you won't need as many tissues for the next chapter. Things might start looking up from some perspectives... As always, I would love to hear your thoughts on this chapter. Your reviews are helpful, inspiring and very much appreciated!_


	8. Chapter 8

_Here's the next installment. You can put the tissues away from last chapter - no crying this time. Enjoy!_

* * *

The next day, Deeks handed Hetty his proposal for a new liaison arrangement, the one he had told Kensi about. By lunch time, both she and Lt. Bates had approved it. Hetty did not like the new arrangement – after all Marty Deeks was one of her hand-picked chosen ones - but she understood his reasoning for doing so. All sunshine and no rain make a desert, and when gunpowder gets heated up past a certain point it becomes explosive. Much to her (and Kensi's) dismay, Deeks had packed up his desk and headed to the police station by 2 pm. There was no big party, no farewell speeches, just a quiet walk out the door the way Deeks wanted it. For the time being, Hetty kept Kensi working cases with the B team. Callen and Sam had not been cleared for field work yet, although both men were making progress according to Nate.

"Mr. Getz, what is so important that you needed me to come up to your office?" Hetty inquired.

"You are, Hetty," Nate nervously responded. "I have been meeting with everyone on your team as you requested. There is one person, though, who I haven't had any sessions with. I would like you to talk with me, Hetty."

"Me? Dear Mr. Getz, I can assure you that everything is fine. I called you back to OSP for them, not to waste time on me," she confidently stated.

"Speaking with you is never a waste of time. You are part of this team, as much as Callen or Kensi or any of them. In light of what happened with that case, I think it would be valuable for you to have someone you can open up to and unload. Anything and everything you say will be kept confidential, Hetty," Nate explained to her.

Hetty sighed. She knew bringing Nate back had been the right call. She still didn't think she needed to talk to anyone, but to humor Nate, she agreed. After trying to deflect the conversation to how she thought Sam and Deeks were handling things, Nate finally got her to talk about her own feelings and experience. Hetty hinted at feelings of helplessness, both at the time of the capture and torture of her agents, and after they had been rescued. She didn't know what to do for her team, and had a hard time relating to what they had gone through. In all her years with various federal agencies, she had never been in the exact situation those men had found themselves in. Nate reassured her that she had done the right thing by calling him. He told her that being helpful doesn't always mean stepping in and doing something yourself. Sometimes it means recognizing that the situation is beyond yourself, and bringing someone else in to do the actual work.

"Mr. Getz, I know you can't tell me what anyone else has said to you, but I have to know… do they – do they all blame me?" Hetty timidly asked the man in front of her. For the first time in his life, he saw a look in Hetty's eyes, in her whole face, that he had never seen before. It was a look of vulnerability.

"Blame you? What would they blame you for, Hetty?" Nate wasn't sure what she was alluding to.

"For this entire mess! It was my call, I had the final say about the entire mission. I gave the go-ahead for everything – from bringing in Janvier to involving the CIA and Mrs. Hanna to splitting up partnerships that should have been left well enough alone," Hetty angrily spoke out. "I could have stopped this all from turning out so badly. I let my team down."

Nate took his time before responding. Here before him was a different woman than he had ever known Henrietta Lange to be. She was a weary woman, she was a burdened woman, and she was a hurting woman.

"Hetty, you are not to blame for any of this. Nothing that happened is your fault. I hope you understand that," Nate told her. "You made the best decisions you could after listening to your team members and weighing the pro's and con's of the situation. You cannot control what anyone else does or doesn't do, especially those who do not play on the same team that we do."

"There must have been something more I could have done. They trust me, or at least they did, to always have their best interests in mind. Granger be damned, my people are not expendable for the sake of the mission." She paused and tried to regain her composure. When she didn't speak again after a few moments, Nate looked up at her.

"There's something else, isn't there Hetty? Something you haven't shared with me yet?" he inquired, encouraging her to continue.

After sitting in silence staring at Nate until he almost broke out in a sweat, Hetty confessed to writing a new resignation letter. She wondered if she was getting too old to do this job anymore – it was getting harder and harder to watch what happened to her agents, her family. Nate smiled and told her that it should never be easy to watch someone you care about get harmed in any way. If it still hurt to witness those things, then she was doing her job right and still remaining human. Cautiously, he tried to explain that her age was an asset and something the rest of the office, if not the whole of NCIS, admired her for. It was a testament to all the years she had spent doing the job and surviving, becoming a stronger woman every year. She had served as an inspiration for countless agents and employees, and she was the glue that held everything and everyone together.

Nate asked Hetty if she had sent the resignation letter to the director yet. She revealed that she had tried, twice, but each time she had been interrupted by an agent needing her. He asked if she was still planning on submitting it. Hetty shook her head and replied that she honestly didn't know. Nate mentioned the fact that she hadn't been able to simply click on the "send" button, an action which takes mere seconds, should tell her something. Hetty thought about everything Nate told her and nodded in agreement and understanding.

"Thank you, Mr. Getz. Perhaps I should come upstairs more often. You are a very wise man," she said as she stood up from her chair.

"I've learned from the best," Nate replied, smiling at his boss.

* * *

Kensi returned to the mission from a case with the B team and furiously sat at her desk. Callen and Sam looked up briefly and then back down at their paperwork. No one said anything. She fidgeted at her desk, sighed loudly a few times, and even _accidentally_ dropped a book on the floor. After getting no reaction from the guys, she stood up and walked to the aisle between their desks.

"What the hell is wrong with the two of you?!" she yelled at them. A few agents across the mission looked over her way, but she didn't care. Nell and Eric ran out of Ops to the railing to see what the commotion was, but upon seeing Kensi ranting in the bullpen they slowly made their way back inside the safety of their technology.

"This is it! I've had it! You two better start talking and make up because I can't stand this anymore!" The two men looked at her, their eyes wide in amazement. She carried on.

"I want my team back – our team. Sandra and Rich and Seth are great agents, but they're not… they're not us. I feel like I'm a rookie again with them, having to learn their facial expressions and gestures to make sure I can trust them so my ass doesn't get blown up. I hate this," she gestured from Sam to Callen to herself. "I get that we've all been through some really, really tough shit, but we are a team and we stick together no matter what. We don't fall apart when things go wrong – we are supposed to cling to each other. Why is it that I- the youngest member of this team – am the only one acting like an adult here? I need you two to act like the freaking senior agents you are supposed to be. Be men and do whatever it is that you need to do to work things out. Man hug, fist bump, high-five, whatever, JUST DO IT ALREADY!"

She gave them each the patented Kensi Blye death glare as she stood there catching her breath. She was panting from yelling so hard at her teammates, but she wasn't finished yet. "And don't you even dare start thinking that I'm pissed because Deeks is gone or because it's that time of the month or whatever other lame excuse you can come up with. I'm being real here – you guys suck!" She finished by heading over to Deeks' empty desk and rifling through drawers until she found the prize she was after.

"AHA!" She held up one of the Twinkies that she knew he left for her and marched back to her desk.

After the initial shock wore off, Callen started clapping. Sam looked at Callen, slightly confused, and then joined in the applause.

"Wow. I didn't know you had it in you Kensi. Now tell us how you really feel," Callen said.

"I'm pretty sure she just did," Sam said dryly. "But if that was her sugar-coating things, I don't want to know what she really thinks."

Kensi glared at them again.

Callen spoke slowly, not making eye contact with anyone. "Alright, I guess I will go first. I… I'm sorry. I know you deserve more than that, and hopefully one of these days I can elaborate, but right now that's all I have in me. I shouldn't have been shutting you out; I just don't know how to deal with all this crap. I am sorry, and… and I miss our team, too."

Kensi turned her head sideways to look directly at her team leader. "Thank you Callen. I know it's not easy, for any of us, but thank you."

Sam took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He looked directly at Callen. "Hey man, I'm sorry too. I've been acting like a jerk. I know I have, and I didn't mean to. You're my partner, and I should have been honest with you from the start." He turned and looked at Kensi. "Thank you for calling us out, Kensi. You were a little, uh, scary, just now, but I know you did it because you care."

"Nuh-uh Sam. You can be scary; THAT was terrifying," Callen interjected. "But yeah, thanks Kensi, for freaking us out enough to open our mouths."

"I'm scary? You really think so G?" Sam asked.

"No, not really. We all know you're just a big teddy bear Sam," Callen joked.

"Yeah, a big mean teddy bear who can take you down before you even blink," Sam retorted.

Kensi smiled. It was good to hear them bantering back and forth again. "Thanks Sam, Callen. I do care, a lot actually. This team, you guys, we are a family and we take care of each other. We don't go in our own rooms and slam the doors shut. That's not how we operate around here."

"Sam, she's right. Maybe it is time we do that hugging-bumping-fiving thing," Callen said to his partner.

"Listen G," Sam started. "I've missed you, too, but I think I deserve dinner out first before I engage in any physical relationship with you." He tried hard to hide the smile forcing its way out.

Kensi looked at them, and thought for the first time in several weeks that it was really going to be ok.

"Do you feel better now, Ms. Blye?" Hetty asked her female agent, walking out from behind the metal screen that served as an office separator.

"Yes actually, much better," she replied, a blush of embarrassment creeping up her neck and cheeks.

"As do I."

* * *

Two weeks later, Sam and Callen were approved for field work. Ever since Kensi's outburst at work, the three of them had started talking to each other more. That led to each of them being more open with Nate, who finally felt that they were on the way to healing better than before. He was confident that both men were ready to be in the field again.

Now that her elite team was ready to go back out and do what they were trained to do, Hetty had the difficult duty of assigning a new partner for Kensi – however temporary it may be, she could not go out on cases without a partner for back up. After reviewing several files, Hetty settled on a female agent. The genders would be balanced on the team, not leaving Kensi as the lone female agent. Hetty also did not want to make Kensi deal with a new male partner at this time, with everything she was dealing with emotionally from her last male partner.

"Ms. Blye, my office please," Hetty called out from her desk.

Kensi walked over to Hetty's office area, her back stiff and straight as if she were being called to the principal's office. "What's up, Hetty?"

"This is Agent Jennifer Lowry. She is your new partner while Detective Deeks is working at LAPD," Hetty explained. Sitting in one of the chairs facing Hetty's desk was a woman who wore a wide grin and a bit too much perfume. "She has just transferred to OSP from the Rota, Spain, office. I hope you will make her feel welcome." Although not worded that way, Kensi knew Hetty's statement was actually an order.

Kensi forced a smile on her face and extended her hand to the new woman. "Hi. I'm Kensi. Welcome." She looked over the newbie as Agent Lowry stood up to shake her hand. She was blond, of medium height, looked to have a very athletic build, and couldn't stop smiling.

"HI!" she practically shouted as she pumped Kensi's hand eagerly. "I'm Agent Lowry but you can call me Jenny. Wow! It's like so cool to meet you Agent Blye. You are like a total legend among the female agents. I am so excited to like work with you." The woman wouldn't stop smiling. She also couldn't stand still – how much coffee did she consume before reporting this morning? Kensi made a mental note to increase her own personal consumption each day before coming in just to keep up. This was going to be an interesting addition to the team.

"Ms. Blye, you can take Ms. Lowry around the mission for a tour after lunch and show her around. She has already been introduced to Mr. Callen and Mr. Hanna. Right now you are free to return to your work. Ms. Lowry has some more paperwork and orientation to complete with me. Thank you," Hetty concluded. Kensi made her way back to the bullpen, where both Callen and Sam were smirking.

"So, how's the new partner?" Callen asked her, his blue eyes already shimmering with amusement.

"Yeah, is she, like, everything you ever wanted in a partner? Like totally?" Sam mocked. He couldn't hide his dimples if he tried.

Kensi rolled her eyes. "Very funny guys. Keep it up. But seriously… why do I have to get partnered with Agent Barbie over there? What am I supposed to do with her?" Kensi sat down at her desk and pulled out her cell phone.

_"__You are going to owe me for this big time Deeks."_ She hit "send."

_"__I'm not there. How can I owe you already Fern?"_

_"__Wait til you hear about my new 'partner'…" _she texted back_. _

_"__Eric beat you to it. Just sent me a pic."_

_"__Shoot me now."_

_" :-) "_

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_Would love to hear what you thought of this chapter... pretty please? Here's some hints for the next chapter: a girls' night, and a talk between two men that needs to happen..._


	9. Chapter 9

_Thank you so much for the reviews... your words are so encouraging! Thank you to all the readers who are following or have made this story a favorite! It's so amazing as an author to realize that there are people who are interested in reading your words. Read on!_

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"Wow! You got it bad, don't you?"

"Good evening to you, too. Got what bad?"

"The 'I-Miss-Marty-Deeks' blues," Nell responded as she stepped inside her friend's apartment.

"I do not. I'm not sure what you're talking about."

"What's with the buffet of Twinkies, Ho-Ho's, Ding-Dong's, cheesecake and ice cream? If that doesn't scream 'GIRL MISSING HER GUY' I don't know what does!" Nell laughed as she pointed to the kitchen table.

"That's all for us. Girls' Night, remember? I wasn't sure what you would be in the mood for," Kensi defended herself.

"Are you serving a side of dentist after all those sweets?" Nell smiled at her friend. Kensi had a bigger sweet tooth and smaller hips than any woman she knew. "Here, I brought pizza and beer."

The women filled up plates of goodies, grabbed a beer each, and sat on Kensi's couch. Kensi started flipping channels on TV while they ate.

"So how's the new partner?" Nell asked. Kensi rolled her eyes as she swallowed her pizza.

"You really have to ask?"

"Well, I haven't had the opportunity to talk to her and get to know her. I've only seen her in ops a couple of times for a case briefing," Nell explained.

"Just don't my friend. Don't talk to her – it only leads to drinking and headaches," Kensi warned then took a drink of her beer.

"Kensi!" Nell giggled. "Is she really that bad?"

"I'm not sure how she became an agent in the first place, or why Hetty thought she would be a good match for OSP. I don't know much about her, but I do know she has a lot of learning to do." Having finished her pizza, Kensi took a bite of her cheesecake covered in chocolate syrup.

"I can help with that. Before coming here, she was in Rota, Spain. It was her first assignment as an agent after basic training. She graduated from the University of Florida with a degree in political science," Nell rambled off as if she were reading her résumé.

"I thought you haven't talked to her," Kensi pointed out.

"I haven't. Hetty had me do a thorough background check on her and cross-reference everything in her file before she would approve Agent Lowry as your partner."

"Temporary partner," Kensi corrected her before drinking some more beer.

"Fine, temporary partner."

"Anything interesting in her file? Anything I should know about? Can she shoot well enough to save my ass if needed?"

"Nothing special. No unusual incidents or citations. It sounds like she had a quiet assignment in Rota. Um, she's single, no kids, kind of like us," Nell concluded. She picked up her beer and took a drink.

"Speaking of single, what's up with you and Eric?" Kensi asked with a smile.

Nell blushed and tried to hide the growing grin on her face. "Me and Eric? Uh, we're good, I guess. Yeah, we're good." She answered quickly and then moved her beer bottle up to her lips.

"You know you're gonna have to give me more than that Ms. Jones. I am trained in interrogation techniques," Kensi reminded her friend.

"So what do you want to know, Nosy Blye?"

"Are you guys getting pretty serious? Are you in love?" Kensi batted her eyelashes and made a ridiculously goofy kissy face as she said it.

Nell playfully swatted Kensi's shoulder. "Yeah, I guess we're getting serious. I mean, we aren't seeing anyone else."

"And you are spending all of your time with him," Kensi stated, not asked.

"Maybe…" Nell said with a really big grin. Suddenly Kensi gasped.

"Oh my gosh Nell! No way! You guys are living together already?"

Nell nodded. "Yep! Officially since last weekend. I've been dying to tell you, but things have been so weird and I know you've been dealing with a lot since Deeks left… Which reminds me. What happened between you guys? Have you heard from him since he left?" Nell changed the subject before Kensi could pry more intimate details about her and Eric's relationship.

"Happened? Why do you think something happened? He went back to LAPD, and now I have to work with Jenny," Kensi answered simply. She emptied her beer and set the bottle on the coffee table.

"Yeah, that's not going to work on me either. You might be trained in interrogation tactics, but I am an intelligence analyst. I am trained to comb over every piece of information for the real truth." Nell put on her most serious game face – as serious as a girls' night let her be. "Spill it Blye. I know you are not telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth."

"What, are we in court now?" Kensi chuckled.

"I don't know. Did you do something wrong with the detective? Something naughty?" Nell smirked, raising her eyebrows.

"Nell! I object to this line of questioning!" Kensi pretended to be offended at the question.

"Well, I object to your objection!" Nell shouted at her, barely containing the laughter bubbling up inside her. The two women looked at each other in a silent stare-down. Then Kensi started laughing uncontrollably – the hold-her-sides-and-tears-streamed-down-her-face kind of laughter. It took mere nanoseconds for Nell to join in. Soon the two women were sitting on the floor in front of the couch, rocking from side to side in laughter.

"It's so good to hear you do that again," Nell said when they finally calmed down.

"Do what?" Kensi asked as she wiped the tears off her cheeks.

"Laugh like that. I haven't heard you – or anyone around there – do that in a really long time." Nell smiled and climbed back up on the couch. "But you're still not getting out of the question. What happened between you guys?"

Kensi got up and headed for the kitchen. She needed some comfort food before she started talking on this subject. She returned with two bowls of ice cream, for her and Nell.

"He came over here the night before he told Hetty he was going back to LAPD. He wanted to tell me in person about his plans first."

"That was nice of him. Go on," Nell urged.

"Well, we ended up talking, like really talking. We hadn't done that in a long time, not since before everything else happened..." Kensi confessed.

"Like before you guys kissed, right?" Nell interrupted.

"Yeah, before he kissed me. Wait, how did you know about that?"

Nell pointed to her ear. "Comms, girl. You all wear them, we hear them all."

"Right. So we talked. He ended up telling me that he is in love with me, and then he said he was leaving NCIS. How's that for a good talk?" Kensi frowned at the memory and shoveled in some ice cream.

"Whoa! Hold up! He told you he loves you? As in those actual words? Kensi, that's huge! I can't believe you didn't tell me this before!" Nell exclaimed. "Although we all kind of knew already," she added quietly.

"What? What do you mean you all knew already?"

"Kensi, come on. It's so obvious. Everyone can see how much you two mean to each other, and I'm not talking professionally. Since the day you two became partners, we've been taking bets on when you guys would finally admit your real feelings. Did you tell him the same thing – that you love him?"

Kensi sighed. "Yeah, I did, but not right away. I was just so – surprised – I guess, between him telling me he loves me and then that he's leaving for a while. My brain was all over the place."

"So how did you leave things? I mean, you told him you love him, and he still left? What now?" Nell took a spoonful of ice cream and waited for her friend's response.

"He said he needed this time away to figure things out so that hopefully we can have a future. I'm not exactly sure what that means, but it's what he wants and needs. I couldn't change his mind."

"That's it?"

"Well, then I grabbed him and kissed him before he left," Kensi admitted, smiling.

"Mmm hmm. I knew there was more. You guys will make it. Just try to be patient Kensi. Let him work out his demons before you guys start a real relationship."

"Thanks, Nell. You know, it feels good to actually talk to you about this. I've been holding too much inside lately. Time to let it out," Kensi said.

Nell started to giggle again. "As long as you don't let it out like you did in the bullpen with Callen and Sam. That was terrifying!"

* * *

_Earlier that evening, across town…_

Sam waited in the precinct parking lot until Deeks came out. Deeks saw him standing near his car and questioned his motives for being there. This was not the way he wanted to start his weekend. Sam explained that they needed to talk; it had been too long with things unsaid between them.

Deeks leaned against the side of his car and folded his arms over his chest. "So talk. I'm listening."

"I know life kind of sucks right now, at least more than it did before Siderov, but you didn't have to leave NCIS. Things are slowly getting better. And you know you didn't have to dive in that pool after me. It's my fault for everything that's happened to you," Sam tried to apologize.

Deeks let out a sarcastic chortle. "Are you kidding? Did you have a death wish? That's what I'm trained to do – save people's asses - even if you piss me off."

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said all those things to you, or at least not the way I said them. I was upset with Michelle being pulled into the op again, and frustrated that I wasn't working with G like usual," Sam shrugged.

"You're sorry? So you get stuck working with the screw-up stand-in on the team instead of your boy toy Callen, and that's your excuse to attack my character? To tell me I'm not the cop YOU think I should be? I've been doing this a long time and I don't need your opinion," Deeks glared at Sam.

"Maybe you do need to hear a few things. All I see you do is joke around and laugh. You're never serious, and this is a serious job. We need people who can commit and not be running off their mouth all the time."

"You want me to be serious? More stoic and boring, like you? Yeah, no thanks. I have my own style whether you like it or not. I don't require the Sam Hanna seal of approval to do my job. I am successful without you." Deeks pushed off the car and reached for the door handle.

Sam stood in front of Deeks and pointed at him. "You were doing solo ops before you came to NCIS. You were supposed to be part of our team, but it seems you wanted it both ways: to be a cop and an agent. You can't commit to NCIS fully but you don't want to be with LAPD all the time either. You can't play for both teams, Deeks. How do we know we can truly rely on you if you can get called away by the city at a moment's notice? That's not the way a team works; that's not the way you form a lasting bond of trust. It's not fair to any of us, especially Kensi."

"You know what? This is the most messed up apology I have ever heard. And you leave Kensi out of this. This is between you and me only." Deeks ran his fingers through his hair to avoid punching the former SEAL.

"No, it's not. See that's part of being a team – we are all affected by each other," Sam explained, trying to stay calm and not raise his voice.

"You mean like how I was affected by having to save your ass in that pool, and how I was affected by sitting tied to a chair taking hell but not EVER giving up your wife? You mean that kind of teamwork that I don't know how to do?" Deeks stared straight ahead at Sam.

Sam looked at the ground and spoke quietly. "Yeah. God why is this so hard? I wanted to apologize to you Deeks. Tell you I'm sorry for everything that I did – for what I said, how I said it and everything that happened after." He raised his head to look back at the detective, hopeful that his true intentions had gotten through to him.

"Well, you did say it and now I know how you really feel about me. It doesn't change how I will do my job, but at least I don't have to try so hard to make you like me." Deeks didn't want to fight any more. He wasn't at NCIS any longer, so Sam should feel relieved.

"Deeks, I'm being serious, alright? I am so sorry, and I'm not sure how else to say it or what else to do to show you. Thank you for saving my life and Michelle's. Thank you for not saying anything to that jerk Siderov. I don't know what I would do if something had happened to her."

"Well, nothing happened and you have your happy little family again. You get to go home to the woman you love. I don't get to go home to the wom-" Deeks cut himself off before he revealed anything. "Go, enjoy your life Sam. You can stop feeling guilty about everything. Apology accepted," he said with an even voice. Deeks got in his car and drove off.

Sam walked back to his car and sat down in the driver's seat. He shook his head. He knew there was a lot more healing – personally and collectively – for both of them.

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_Thanks for reading. As always, I would appreciate feedback, reviews, messages, etc. Let me know what you think, please! There are several more chapters to go in this story, so no worry about it being over soon._


	10. Chapter 10

_Sorry for the longer than usual delay in posting a new chapter. Kids started school, which brings all kinds of crazy with it ha ha! The good news is that I have chapter 11 almost ready, so there should be a shorter lapse between postings this time. Enjoy chapter 10!_

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"Wait, you said what to him?" Callen looked at his partner and shook his head. "Sam, I thought we've been over this before. Apologizing means admitting fault – your fault, not his."

"I did. I said I was sorry, but he kept twisting my words around like he was still mad. What was I supposed to say?" Sam was frustrated. Apologizing was not easy for him, but he had tried anyway. And Deeks had made it so difficult.

"What do you expect? Of course he's mad. Deeks is still dealing with the aftermath of his torture and physical pain, and what he probably sees as betrayal by you. He wasn't trained like you to withstand that kind of stuff. You wanted to say you're sorry and yet you brought up what you think are his short-comings. Not exactly the strategy I learned in 'Sorry 101'."

"I didn't betray him, G. You know that. I would never betray a team member."

"I thought you didn't see him as a full team member," Callen reminded him.

"I don't. Or I do. I don't know – he worked with our team but he was never totally one of us, you know?" Sam frowned and slammed his fist into the heavy bag hanging in front of him. After leaving the precinct, Sam had called Callen to meet him at the gym. He needed to blow off some steam before going home. "Why is this so hard? I really did mean to apologize to him. I am sorry. It is all my fault and I admit it," Sam confessed.

Callen took a couple of steps forward and steadied the bag. "Sam, you live by a different set of rules and standards than Deeks. It doesn't make them any more right or wrong, just different. You have to accept that about Deeks – just like you learned to with me. Remember when we first got partnered together?"

Sam nodded. Their partnership had not gotten off on the best foot. Callen was a lone wolf used to doing things alone in his own way. Sam was fresh from active duty as a Navy SEAL, used to being part of a team and following orders. They were like oil and water, and neither of them had thought their partnership would last more than a year.

"What do I do now? I don't think Deeks will ever speak to me again, and I don't know how to make things right," Sam said humbly.

"If it's important enough to you, you'll think of something Sam. Don't give up on our detective. He's a good guy – better than good. And so are you." Callen put his hand on Sam's shoulder and paused before walking out. "Good luck."

* * *

It had been a quiet morning at the mission. Kensi caught up on paperwork. Callen spent his time reading newspapers, some local and some in languages she hadn't seen before. Sam sat quietly at his desk, searching for something on the internet – probably another hard-to-find gift for his daughter's upcoming birthday.

A shrill whistle broke the silence. "Your presence is requested upstairs, ladies and gentlemen," Eric said in his best British accent. Then in his normal voice, he added "Not really requested, because Hetty said you had to be up here, but you get it, right? The accent? Trying to add an air of formality today."

The team headed up to Ops. As they passed Eric at the top of the stairs, Callen gestured towards Eric's clothing. "If you're going for formal, try some pants and real shoes."

Once everyone was assembled inside ops, Nell told them that there was a new lead in their current case. Several weapons had gone missing from Naval Weapons Station Seal Beach in the last few weeks. The only suspect they had so far was a petty officer who had been on duty at the time the weapons went missing, and who also had a very large amount of money in his checking account – larger than a second class petty officer would receive from his pay. The weapons had not been found, and the petty officer was not talking. There seemed to be no lead about why they were gone or who they were sold to. Finally the sailor was willing to work with NCIS to catch the players higher up in the weapons dealings.

Nell said Petty Officer Murphy informed them of a meet that night. He's supposed to talk with his contact, Mr. Sendic, about another deal of guns and ammo. They are meeting at a club downtown called Eclipse. Hetty told them to see if they can get close to the meeting, see who else is there, and find out as much as they can.

"Hetty, do you mean Mr. Allan Sendic?" Sam asked her. Hetty nodded affirmatively. "He's the business manager of Eclipse, which is one of the newest, hottest clubs in LA. It's impossible to get in, from what Michelle tells me."

"Nothing is impossible if you know the right people, Mr. Hanna," Hetty replied.

"Guess that means we've got a double date tonight, girls," Callen said wrapping an arm around Kensi's waist. Sam walked over and slung his arm around Jenny's shoulders.

"Um, guys, we have a case to work on tonight, right? Hetty just said so. Plus, Sam, aren't you married? I'm sorry, but I don't date married men," Jenny said with an alarmed look on her face.

They all looked at Jenny. Hetty walked over to her and patted her arm. "Mr. Callen was referring to the case, dear. That is your cover story for tonight, that the four of you are on a double date at the club. You will pretend to be Mr. Hanna's date for the evening." A look of understanding crept across Jenny's face.

"Oh. Right. Sorry. This undercover stuff is still new to me," Jenny replied nervously.

"Ms. Blye, Ms. Lowry, I need to see you downstairs in wardrobe. Gentlemen, I believe you know where your suits are located – complete with the pants, Mr. Callen," Hetty said.

They walked downstairs and stopped in front of the racks of clothes. Jenny ran her hands over the dresses. "Wow! These are gorgeous! And we get to like wear them, seriously?" She acted like a kid in a candy shop. "So we get to play dress up and get paid for it, huh? This is totally the best job ever!" she exclaimed, holding up the cobalt blue cocktail dress Hetty had handed her.

"Yeah, it's exactly like playing dress up, if you mean wearing Hetty's expensive clothes and trying to avoid getting drinks or blood on them all night," Kensi answered her as she stepped into a dressing room.

"Blood?"

"Either yours or someone else's. You know, from getting shot at when the deal goes bad and we have to pull the federal agent card – which we always do. Oh, and how are you at running in heels?"

Sam and Callen shook their heads as they got dressed. It was going to be a very interesting op.

_A couple of hours later…_

The four agents walked into Eclipse looking like two couples ready for a fun night. They made their way over to an empty spot along a wall and looked around. Kensi had already found all the emergency exits and counted the number of bouncers and bodyguards trying to act inconspicuous.

"Hey Michael," Callen said using Sam's cover name. "Why don't you take your girl out on the dance floor? Katie and I will hang out and get some drinks." He gestured to Kensi, who nodded in agreement.

"No, we're good. I think you and Katie are much more the dancing type," Sam responded shaking his head.

"You know I'm the more stoic, aloof one. You're the social butterfly. Go dance, have fun."

Jenny could barely contain her excitement. She grabbed Sam's arm while moving her body to the beat. "Please Michael? I haven't been clubbing in LA yet and this would be so fun!"

Sam frowned and then looked at Callen. "I'll do rock-paper-scissors for it."

"You really think I would fall for your east coast/west coast rules? I know how you play," Callen laughed.

"Caleb, man you are my brother. I wouldn't do that to you. I play honest and fair," Sam pretended to be offended while trying out Callen's cover name.

Callen sighed and stuck out his hand. "Ok, fine. On three. 1… 2… 3." Sam held out his fist, making the rock sign. Callen put his hand out, pinky finger and thumb held under the palm with three middle fingers extended and slightly bent at the ends.

Sam looked at Callen's hand. "What the hell is that? That isn't anything. I win! Go get your dance on."

Callen shook his head and flashed one of his trademark smirks. "Wrong, my friend. I win."

"By what rules? That isn't a rock, a paper or a scissors," Sam protested.

"Romanian rules."

"Ro- what?" Sam asked confused.

"Romanian rules. The rules of my people. It's a claw, and claw beats everything including your rock." Kensi smiled and kissed Callen's cheek, pretending to be the happy girlfriend.

"That's cold man. Just cold. I can't believe you would do that to me… making stuff up," Sam said with a hint of amusement in his voice.

"I think you better take your girlfriend dancing. My beautiful date and I are going to get a drink." Callen led Kensi towards the bar where they miraculously found a spot open.

Once on the dance floor, Jenny started dancing as if she was actually there to party and not work. Sam awkwardly grabbed her hands and tried to look like he was dancing with her. She smiled and put his hands on her waist, trying to get him to loosen up into the part they were playing. He shuffled his feet around a little but just couldn't get into a rhythm. Suddenly he pulled Jenny close to him and whispered into her ear and the comms at the same time, "I see him. Mr. Sendic is across the room, opposite the bar from you guys. Black suit, red tie. Looks like only one of his guys near him."

"Got him," Callen said looking over in that direction. "We just noticed Murphy talking to a few women by the dance floor. He's looked over a couple of times but didn't let on that they knew each other. How do you want to proceed?"

Jenny said this was her queue. She acted upset with Sam and stormed off the dance floor over to where Sendic was standing. After ordering a drink she noticed him and started to flirt.

Sam joined Callen and Kensi and ordered a drink. He complained about his girlfriend ditching him to keep up his cover. The three agents watched as Jenny talked, smiled and laughed with Sendic, flirting more and more as the minutes went by. She turned and pointed at Sam once, making an unhappy face, and then turned back to Sendic. Jenny placed her hands on his biceps and slowly moved them up to his shoulders as she moved herself in closer to his body. Sendic's smile got bigger and he put one arm around her waist. She fingered the collar of his shirt as she moved her face in closer to his, breaths now mingling together. While he was distracted by her close proximity, she slipped a bug underneath his collar. Sendic whispered something in Jenny's ear about a back room, and they walked away from the bar. Through their earpieces, the rest of the team heard Jenny giggling and talking about being in a VIP room for the very first time. Shortly after Sendic and Jenny entered the VIP lounge, Murphy made his way over and went in as well.

"I have to say, I'm impressed by her. Better than I thought," Callen said.

"Yeah, except for making me dance, it looks like she has a way of getting a guy to do what she wants," Sam added.

"All women do. We're born with that skill," Kensi said smiling.

"And you all start perfecting it around age 2!" Sam chuckled.

Callen laughed at Sam's joke until his fake girlfriend for the night glared at him. "Ok. Katie, let's move a little closer to the back of the club and check it out. Michael, I think you need to stay close to the doors, drowning your sorrows a little more. Am I right?"

Sam held up his drink. "Yep. I'm still pissed about those Romanian rules."

_A few hours later…_

"Wow, what a rush!" Jenny exclaimed as the team returned to the mission late that night. "I mean, it was so crazy, dancing at the club, a gun fight, running in heels; that was SO cool!"

"You did good tonight Jenny. Now go get some sleep. Busy day tomorrow," Callen said. He and Sam went to change their clothes. It had been a long night, and as it usually happened, nothing went as expected with their case that night.

"How did you enjoy your first undercover op?" Kensi asked her as they walked over to wardrobe. "Was it just like you thought dress-up would be?"

"Not exactly. I mean it was fun, mostly, but I can't believe they all run away as soon as you shout 'federal agent'. I thought they would stop, because we're kind of like the police aren't we? And a Navy sailor… aren't they supposed to follow orders?" Jenny said sort of confused.

They all laughed. "What exactly did you do in Spain again?" Kensi asked amused.

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_more to come, hopefully soon. Let me know what you thought of this chapter, please?!_


	11. Chapter 11

_Thank you for all the great reviews! I really appreciate them! Less than a week to go now until Season 5 of NCIS LA starts - at least in the USA. Until then, here is chapter 11..._

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About a week after their fake double date, the team completed the case and handed everything over to LAPD and JAG for the judicial part of things. Hetty decided her team had worked hard and needed some time to relax. She requested that everyone be at her home in the hills at 2 pm that Wednesday.

All the team members arrived and sat in Hetty's spacious living room. It was decorated with artifacts from far-off corners of the world during her many adventures. Callen, Jenny and Kensi sat on one side of the roomy sectional, and Nell and Eric sat close to each other on the adjoining side. Sam settled into an armchair upholstered in a toile print. Deeks, who had walked into the room hesitantly upon seeing his former teammates, took a seat on a burgundy settee. Hetty walked around the room while she spoke.

She thanked everyone for coming, and acknowledged that the last several months had not been easy for any of them. It was time to gather together again – all together. She expressed her pride in the team and what they accomplished – both professionally and personally. Hetty looked around the room at everyone: Sam and Callen were making faces at each other, Jenny was doing something with her cell phone, Kensi and Deeks were avoiding looking at each other, and Nell and Eric were cuddled up together holding hands. Hetty smiled and reminded them that even though team dynamics were different than before, they would always be a family.

A long pause followed before Hetty spoke again. She knew there were still unsaid things between them, and wanted everything out in the open so real healing could happen. Everyone was free to speak whatever they wanted and nothing would leave that house. The team members all looked at each other, wondering who would be brave enough to go first.

The next hour and a half was filled with team members being raw and honest in front of each other. Callen apologized for shutting everyone out. He told them he blamed himself for everything since it was his idea to bring Janvier into that case. He felt like he had betrayed his team and their trust in him as team leader.

Nell nervously shared that she was sorry for pushing everyone to get back to normal so quickly. She didn't know what they went through or how to deal with it.

Kensi said that she, too, tried to force the team to get back to their normal routine, perhaps too quickly. She wasn't tortured or betrayed the same as the others, and she didn't know what else to do. Then Kensi turned to Deeks and explained that she was worried about him as her partner and friend, and if she ever gave off the vibe that she didn't care, she was sorry. He was the best partner she'd ever had. There was a hint of a smile on Deeks' lips but he didn't quite make eye contact with her. Finally, Kensi turned to her Jenny and apologized for treating her badly when she first joined the team. She explained that she doesn't like getting new partners because it usually meant someone had been killed. Even though that didn't happen this time, it was still a hard transition to make. Kensi asked Jenny for another chance to get to know her and develop a better partnership for whatever time they had together.

Much to Kensi's surprise, Jenny grabbed her and hugged her with a big smile on her face. She told Kensi that she forgave her; it's not easy to be the new girl on the team but she appreciated the opportunity Hetty had given her to be a part of them. She looked forward to sharpening her skills and learning as much as she could from all of them.

After a slightly uncomfortable silence, Sam stood up, walked across the room, and sat down next to Deeks. Deeks looked at him in annoyed surprise but didn't say anything. Sam took a deep breath and wiped his hands on his jeans before speaking.

"Deeks, I know I tried this once before, and I failed. Big time. So I'm gonna do this here and now, in front of everyone, so you know I really mean every word. And everyone here can hold me accountable." Sam paused and looked directly at Deeks. "I owe you more than just an apology, man. I owe you my life and my wife's. I was a jerk; I was out of line; and I'm sorry. There is no excuse for what I said – for questioning your character and the person you are. You and I operate differently, and I need to accept that. I'm working on it, I promise."

Deeks looked at Sam and nodded. There was no real emotion in the movement of his head, more of a gesture of acknowledgement than acceptance. Sam continued.

"I know I hurt you. You've said before that being a cop is who you are. Like being a SEAL and an agent is who I am. I should know better than to judge you. What we do and how we do it is part of our identity. You have been an exemplary addition to our team, Deeks, always there for your partner and the rest of us. You have never let us down. Yet I let my own set of standards get in the way of seeing what a good man you are. I know you decided to go back to LAPD and not work with us every day in the mission, and I'm guessing that decision was at least in part due to me. I won't ever be able to say it enough, but I'm going to try. I'm sorry Deeks. I'm very sorry. I don't know if it will be today or another day down the road, but I hope you will be able to forgive me. And no offense to Jenny, but we need you back." Sam finished and sat nervously on the edge of the settee, waiting for any reaction from Deeks.

Deeks had watched Sam's face the entire time he was speaking. It was odd to have this large man metaphorically on his knees, asking for forgiveness. But he also knew that this was a very difficult thing for Sam to do – to humble himself and admit wrongdoing in front of the entire team. Sam prided himself on doing the right thing and following the Navy core values of honor, courage and commitment. Deeks stood up in front of Sam and held his hand out. Sam looked up at the detective, who nodded his head affirmatively. Sam stood up and the two men shook hands. "Thank you, Sam. We are different, but that's what makes this team work so well – our differences coming together. I accept your apology and forgive you," Deeks told him.

"So we're good then? Really good?" Sam asked, wanting to confirm what he just heard.

Deeks smiled. "Yeah, we're really good." Sam walked back across the room to his chair. Just as he was about to sit down…

"Oh, and Sam? It's ok to admit being jealous of my golden locks!" Deeks joked. Sam laughed. He knew they would be ok.

Deeks continued standing and addressed the entire group. He apologized for leaving the team and not keeping in touch with everyone. He admitted that the ordeal with Siderov was more than he could handle mentally, and he wasn't ready to deal with the aftermath. Nate helped him see that the people he was pushing away were the ones who cared enough to not leave him alone. Deeks told them that he considers them all his friends, his good friends, and he was sorry if he caused them any pain. His time away from NCIS helped him figure some things out, and although there are still some demons to finish slaying, he has a plan for where he wants to go from here. He sat down and motioned to Hetty to take the floor.

"I want to thank each of you for being willing to open up in front of your colleagues and friends. I know it's not an easy thing to do, especially in our line of work, but I felt it was needed. Now that the hard part is done, it's time for a celebration. I will begin with an announcement." Hetty walked across the room to stand behind the sectional where Kensi and Jenny were sitting.

"Ms. Lowry will be staying on as Ms. Blye's partner for a much longer time than we initially thought." The two women looked at each other with matching looks of surprise. Hetty continued. "Mr. Deeks will not be returning to NCIS for quite some time, and therefore he is no longer eligible to be Ms. Blye's partner."

"What?" Kensi shouted out in shock. "Wh-why? Deeks?" Words were failing her at this moment and all she could do was stare at Deeks, who looked down at the floor.

"Ms. Blye, please allow me to continue," Hetty said straight-faced, not giving anything away. "Mr. Deeks has recently come to me with his decision to join NCIS fulltime as a special agent. His application has been approved, and due to his prior law enforcement experience, has been fast-tracked into training. He leaves Sunday for FLETC in Georgia, where he will spend 12 weeks in the Criminal Investigators Training Program followed by 10 weeks in the Special Agent Basic Training Program. I have already put a request in with Director Vance that Mr. Deeks be assigned here to the OSP upon completion of his training, and the director has assured me that should be no problem. Very few people, even inside of NCIS, know of us here in the OSP, so having someone who is already aware of our security protocols and need for secrecy works in Mr. Deeks' favor to be assigned here. I hope you will all join me in wishing Mr. Deeks the best in his training and future career."

The team applauded Deeks, who looked up and acknowledged his friends with a smile. It had been a big decision for him, and he was happy that the team supported him.

Hetty appeared in the archway connecting the living room to the open dining area/kitchen. "Ok, it's time for some fun! The pool is open, and help yourselves to the food and drinks. You all have the day off tomorrow, so enjoy yourselves!" Hetty said smiling. She loved being able to spoil her team.

Everyone jumped up and wanted to talk to Deeks. Sam spoke up first. "Good luck Deeks. I know you will do great at training. I will be waiting to welcome you back as Agent Deeks."

Deeks smiled at Sam. "It's all about being part of a team, a team you can trust, right? I finally figured out which team was the right one for me." Deeks explained that he loves what he was doing with NCIS, and he can't ever have that same thing with LAPD.

"Hey, if you need anything, anything at all, you call me ok? Now where's that food?" Sam wandered off into the kitchen.

Callen congratulated Deeks on his decision and told him that he will be one hell of an agent. Deeks thanked him and replied that he had already received training from the best, so the rest of it should be a cake walk. Callen assured Deeks that he will always have a place on his team, and is looking forward to seeing his new shiny badge.

Nell shouted out "YAY DEEKS!" as she and Eric made their way out to the pool in the backyard. Hetty had once again disappeared, seemingly leaving the team to themselves.

Deeks walked over to where Kensi and Jenny stood laughing at some kind of inside joke. "So you're going to look out for my partner – I mean, your partner – while I'm gone?" he asked Jenny.

"Of course! Hey, congrats on becoming an agent. The training is mostly boring, so good luck. Picture them all in their underwear. Oh wait. That's for public speaking. Oops!" Jenny giggled. Kensi and Deeks rolled their eyes perfectly in sync and laughed.

"So you're going to be Kensi's partner a little more permanently. There are a few rules I think you need to know to make your partnership easier, so let me fill you in," Deeks said to Jenny as he flashed Kensi a mischievous grin that made his eyes sparkle.

"Jen, don't listen to him. There are no rules," Kensi protested lightheartedly.

"Number one," Deeks cut her off. "Always keep a steady supply of Twinkies and candy bars in your desk and in both of your cars. You never know when you'll need to feed her. Number two, if she seems extra cranky in the mornings, give her more coffee and doughnuts. Never comment about how many doughnuts she eats in one sitting. Never." Deeks shivered theatrically as if remembering a past moment. "Number three, always let her drive – it's just easier – and don't comment on her driving. Also, let her control the radio station – again, just easier."

Kensi glared at him, but he wiggled his eyebrows, smiled and continued. "Number four, always be careful in the gym with her, especially when sparring. Number five, don't ever issue her a challenge you don't intend to carry through on. She's very competitive and is a sore loser."

"How would you know Deeks? I've never lost to you!" Kensi reminded him.

"Touché." Turning back to Jenny, he gave her one last rule. "Rule six is the most important. Invest in a lifetime supply of body armor. Or at least wear a vest and shoulder pads when around Miss Blye there. Those are in case you would accidentally ever break one of the other rules. She isn't as gentle as she thinks she is," Deeks concluded.

"Maybe you're just a wimp," Kensi shot back with a smile. He would know she was joking and enjoying the moment.

"Wow, you guys are like so funny! I can totally see what the guys mean by your thing!" Jenny laughed as she walked off to change into her swimsuit.

"So I guess you've figured something out, going off to FLETC. Good for you!" Kensi said.

"Yeah. I know now that NCIS is really where I belong. It may have taken a little analysis from Nate and some prodding from Hetty, but at least I finally figured it out. Did you know that Hetty actually fired me as liaison and told me I couldn't come back to NCIS unless I was an agent? After I turned in my proposal to work from LAPD, she terminated my position with NCIS," Deeks told her.

"Wow. Sounds like she knew that you'd come back though. So, five months is a long time to be away. Have you figured out anything el – whoa!" Kensi shouted out.

"Come on Kens! Let's get in the pool!" Jenny dragged Kensi by the arm down the hall. Deeks laughed at the two women.

"We'll talk later," Deeks called out after her.

A short time later, just about everyone was in the pool, splashing and laughing and having fun together. Sam had taken on grill master duty, making sure the burgers were done to perfection. Hetty watched from the sidelines and smiled. "I love it when the kids all get along!"

* * *

She wasn't sure if she should have gone there or not. Maybe she should have called first. It didn't really matter anymore, as it was 8 pm Saturday night, and Kensi found herself standing in front of Deeks' front door. She knocked and waited. As the sound of footsteps inside got louder, the beating of butterfly wings in her stomach increased. Deeks opened the door and looked genuinely surprised to see her.

"Hey. What are you doing here?" he asked.

"Well, it's Saturday night, the night before Sunday, the day that you leave, and probably my last chance to knock on this door for about five months," she replied.

"So you just wanted to feel the wood beneath your fist?" Deeks replied, giving a hint of a smile at his veiled statement.

"Can I come in, or are we going to talk out here all night?"

"Right this way, princess." He opened the door wider and waved her in. She entered his living room and crossed over to the other side near the couch. Kensi looked around and saw one small duffle bag in the corner, and a pile of folded clothes on the recliner.

"So you're really doing this then?" She asked him. "You're really leaving?"

"Yep. It seems like the right thing for me to do, and something I want to do," Deeks replied simply.

"Five months is a long time to be in training. Sure you're ready?"

"I've been through college, law school and the police academy. I think I can handle this Kens."

"Did you pack clothes other than jeans? Because there will be times when you have to dress up, wear a suit and tie."

"Yep, got those. They put that on the list they sent," Deeks answered, nodding his head.

"What about a small notebook or your tablet? There is a lot of information given out in a short amount of time. And sunscreen? It's pretty warm in Georgia," Kensi told him.

"Kens, why are you here?" Deeks sighed. "I'm guessing you didn't come over just to double-check my packing list."

Kensi bit her bottom lip and looked down at the floor. "I'm… I'm going to miss you Deeks."

"It's only a few months. You've been through all this training yourself, so you know it's not the end of the world," he responded.

"Yeah, I know. But, it's just, well, um, there is a lot of unknown stuff yet. Unresolved stuff between us," Kensi said nervously. She looked up at Deeks, hoping he could read her mind. "The last time we spoke – like really talked – we both admitted some things, but it was left there and we haven't talked about it since. And now you're leaving, so I'm wondering… where does this leave us Deeks?"

"Um, temporary hiatus?" he said jokingly.

"Seriously? Even TV shows don't let their audiences dangle more than three or four months. A hiatus?"

Deeks crossed the room and grabbed Kensi's hand, pulling her down onto the couch next to him. "I don't know what to call it Kens. You come up with a label if that's what you want. What I do know is that my feelings for you, and everything I told you before, haven't changed."

"So why are you leaving? Why now? What about figuring us out first?" Kensi asked.

"Because I have always put everyone else first in my life. This time I need to take care of me, follow through with this, so that I can come back and hopefully move forward with you and with us. That is, if you still want to. I'm not ignoring you or taking you for granted, but I have to take care of myself so that I can be the right man for you," Deeks honestly admitted.

Kensi looked into those gorgeous blue eyes staring back at her. "Of course I still want you, and us. This timing sucks, doesn't it? But I do want you well, and I understand your need to put you first. You've always taken care of me, so yeah. It's time for you," she agreed. She put one hand on his arm and smiled to let him know she really understood and was ok with it.

Deeks looked down at where her hand had landed, the heat from her touch both comforting and exciting. "So we'll be ok? I mean, are we good?"

She nodded her head, never taking her eyes from him. "Yeah, we're good. And we will still be good when you get back."

"Good. That's good," Deeks practically whispered as their heads moved closer to each other, the space between their lips decreasing quickly. In one quick movement he put his hand on the back of her neck and pulled her to him. He took her lips in a hungry, passionate kiss. Kensi closed her eyes and let herself enjoy the feeling of those incredibly soft lips on hers. They broke apart briefly to breathe before lips and tongues resumed their fervent explorations.

A small moan escaped Kensi. She started to tug at the hem of Deeks' t-shirt, pushing it up over his muscular abs. He raised his hands and pulled back a little to allow her to push it up over his head. Then it was his turn. Deeks slowly ran his fingers under the edge of her shirt, tickling her bare skin. He pushed the shirt up over every curve until it was off and on the floor. Slowly and gently, he kissed her shoulder and neck. "Mmmm," was all Kensi could manage to say. She wrapped her arms around his neck and let her fingers play with the silken strands hanging down.

Deeks stopped and looked her in the eye. "Are you sure about this Kensi?" he hesitantly asked.

She nodded eagerly. "Yes, I'm sure. I've wanted this for three years; I just didn't realize it until recently." That was all he needed. He helped her stand up from the couch and they made their way to his bedroom, a trail of clothing left in their wake.

* * *

Sunday morning found Kensi and Deeks in his bed, bare limbs tangled together. There was no "his side" or "her side"; one body was partly covering the other in the middle. Deeks woke up and turned his head to see the most beautiful woman staring back at him.

"Good morning," he said with a goofy grin he couldn't hide, thinking of the night before.

"Morning Deeks," Kensi sleepily answered him. Those blue eyes brought back flashes of activities from just six hours ago. She hoped he couldn't see the blush rising up into her cheeks.

His goofy grin morphed into a look of nervousness as he tried to sit up a little. "Um, so about last night…" he began.

She cut him off with a genuine Kensi Blye smile. "No regrets, Deeks. It was wonderful – amazing actually." She rolled over onto her side and tried to go back to sleep. Deeks laid down on his side and pulled her in close.

"No regrets here either, Sugar Bear. I'm just sorry it took us so long to get here." He kissed her temple before announcing that he was going to shower and then make breakfast. After they were both showered, dressed and full from the fluffy pancakes Deeks had made for them, it was time. Kensi drove them to the airport. They said their goodbyes just before the security gate, and Kensi made him promise to keep in touch.

"I know exactly how busy or not you will be there. Remember, I've been through it before," she reminded him. He agreed to call and text as often as he could. Deeks asked Kensi to be patient and wait for him to come back, even though it would be about five months.

"I've waited three years, Deeks. I think we can handle a few months." She started to tear up but didn't want him to see. He noticed anyway. Giving her one last kiss, he reached up and brushed away the one tear that had escaped.

"Don't worry Fern; I'll be back."

_to be continued..._


	12. Chapter 12

_Thanks for all the reviews and kind words, and for everyone sticking with this story! There is lots more to tell, so let's get on with it, shall we?_

* * *

"What was that all about at work today?" Nell demanded of Eric as she climbed into bed. He was sitting beside her with his tablet, reading something.

He briefly looked up. "Huh? What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about you trying to tell me what I can and can't do in front of our co-workers and friends," she replied. "I really didn't appreciate that. You're lucky Hetty wasn't there."

"I'm not suicidal," Eric joked as he remembered earlier that afternoon. Nell glared at him. "Sorry. Using humor to defuse the situation when I'm nervous. It's one of those qualities you adore about me, remember?" Nell continued her glare. "Right. Being serious now. Nell, I wasn't telling you what to do. I was trying to get you to think about all the ramifications of your decisions."

"Are you serious? You don't think I've thought this through? Eric, please. Don't treat me like a child," Nell said, the annoyance in her voice even more apparent.

Eric set his tablet on the bedside table. "I don't like you going out in the field, ok? So if it's only an option at this point and not a mandatory part of your job then I am going to voice my opinion. I'd like to keep my girlfriend alive and safe. Look at what has happened the few times we have been allowed out. I mean I was almost frelted!"

Nell got out of bed and threw her hands up in the air. "Eric, that's not the point. I've been up in ops with you for a few years now and it's been nice and safe. But that's not why I wanted to become a special agent. My specialty is intelligence, but I don't want to be stuck behind a screen forever. I want to be out there, talking to people, seeing things firsthand. I've had some field training, I've had a few occasions to be out of the office, and honestly I like it. I don't necessarily want to do what Kensi and the team do – with all the undercover stuff and shoot-outs and all that – but there are other options for my job."

"If you're out in the field more, I can't be with you all the time, and I can't always have eyes and ears on you that way. I have no way of protecting you," Eric answered shyly, looking down at his hands.

Nell smiled. "I love that you want to look out for me, but we both know that our jobs have no guarantees. We also know that I am not meant to work in ops forever. Even Hetty doesn't expect me to be upstairs for the rest of my career."

Eric looked at her curiously. "What does that mean? Nell, are you looking for a new job? Do you want to transfer away from LA?"

"No, that's not what I meant. Hetty's been giving me more field training, and some other leadership training, to keep all my options open. I've also been doing more physical training with Sam and Kensi, to keep me in shape."

"So all those times you said you were at the gym, you were actually training with them? And when you disappear during the day, you've been training with Hetty? Why didn't you just tell me this before?" Eric asked her.

"I wasn't sure how you would react, but it's something that I really want to pursue." Nell paused and sat back down on the bed. "Eric, can we please not fight about this? I was really hoping my boyfriend would be more supportive."

Eric looked at her. "I want to be. I really do want to be supportive of this, Nell. It's hard to be, though. I mean, I want you to be happy, but I've been doing this job long enough to have seen a lot of bad stuff go down. I've unfortunately seen more than one agent go down before my eyes on the screen, and I couldn't do anything but dial 911. That is such a helpless feeling, and I don't ever want to have that feeling about you. I don't know how I could go on," Eric admitted, reaching for Nell's hands.

Nell scooted over closer to Eric. She wrapped her arms around him and held him close. "I promise I will be careful. I promise I will do everything I can to come home to you every time, Eric. I love you."

"I love you too," he responded. They slid down into bed with arms still wrapped around each other, neither person wanting to let go.

* * *

Kensi was right; she missed Deeks. She hadn't seen him since that morning she took him to the airport almost four weeks ago. As promised, he had called a few times, although he didn't have much privacy at "Agent Bootcamp", as he called it, to talk about anything more serious than daily chitchat. They mostly kept in touch through text messages that Deeks would send between courses or right before he collapsed into bed at night.

Kensi found herself hanging out at the beach more often since Deeks left for training; his favorite beach, to be exact. It made her feel closer to him; she could imagine him out on his board and smell the salty sea air that was synonymous with the shaggy-haired surfer. She had her comfort food at home, but this was her comfort place.

"Kensi? Kensi Blye?" a male voice asked behind her as she leaned against the wall separating the sand and the concrete sidewalk. She turned around at the surprise of hearing her real name in public from someone other than her teammates. It was standard operating procedure to use an alias in public to protect herself and her career. As Kensi turned her head, she found herself looking directly into her past.

"It is you! I thought it might be," Jack said happily. Jack , as in her former fiancé and the man who left her on Christmas morning all those years ago.

"J-J-Jack?" Kensi barely stuttered out, eyes wide. She wasn't sure whether to hug him or slug him; she ended up standing still exactly where she was.

"Yeah, it's me. I saw you the other day when I was walking down here, but I wasn't completely sure if it was you. I thought I would take a chance and come back in case you were here again. You're a hard woman to locate," he chuckled.

"I would be easier to find if you had never left in the first place," she said bitterly, silently berating herself for not keeping her emotions in check.

"I deserve that. I have been trying to find you though. I tried to find your mom, but she must have changed her name or something. I even googled you, but no luck. It's almost like you don't exist online, or you're in some government witness protection program. You're not, are you?"

She smiled slightly. That was one perk of her job - her real identity ceasing to exist in online searches and public databases.

"No, I'm not," she replied. "Jack, why are you here? What do you want with me?" Kensi asked him curiously.

Jack sighed and put his hands in his pockets. "I want to apologize to you. Tell you I'm sorry for everything. You deserve so much more than that, but it's a start. I know I hurt you a lot, and I want a chance to show you that I am not that same guy anymore. I got help, I've grown up and matured."

"Good for you. I'm glad to hear it."

"I know you probably thought you'd never see me again, but I really want to make amends. Can we get together sometime, maybe for dinner or drinks, and just talk? It would mean a lot to me, Kensi."

"Sure," she agreed slowly. "I guess a drink would be okay." They made plans for the next night after work.

She met Jack at a local hang out. He was sitting at the bar already when she walked in. Kensi noticed his well-defined muscles under the form-fitting shirt he wore with his dark jeans. _"Hmm, still has his Marine physique,"_ she thought to herself.

Jack looked up with a warm smile as he heard her boots clack on the floor. "Glad you could make it. I was nervous you wouldn't show up."

"I'm here. I said I would come, and I keep my word," she said, sitting down next to him. He ordered her a drink and then started right in on the speech he had prepared.

"I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am for everything. I owe you an explanation," Jack began. "I know I hurt you, and a drink and a speech won't erase all the pain I caused, but it's a start at least. I hope you'll listen to what I have to say."

Kensi nodded for him to continue. Jack took a deep breath and set his beer bottle down before speaking again. "I was stupid, ok? So many things didn't make sense at that point in my life. The sandbox over there messed me up pretty good, but I thought I was strong enough to come home and get on with our life. I thought I could still be the man you loved and wanted, but the more I saw how normal your life was, and all our friends and family, and how out-of-place I felt every minute, I knew I wouldn't last. Too many memories, too many nightmares that took me away from the reality I wanted to have with you." He paused to take a drink.

"You know, I tried to help you. I knew you had a lot to deal with when you came home and I was willing to go through it all with you. Then you told me that being with me felt like hitting the ground, and I wasn't sure what to think. Those words hit my heart like a ton of bricks, and I started to doubt myself. You left, and I convinced myself that I wasn't good enough, that I didn't love you enough or in the right way. I felt like I had let you down and everything was my fault," Kensi told him, willing herself to not tear up as the memories surfaced.

"Kensi, look at me," Jack said. He reached across and put his hand on top of hers. "Nothing was your fault. None of it. I hope you know that. I was sick. I didn't think about anyone except myself back then. I thought I was doing it for you – leaving to protect you – but I know differently now. I thought staying would hurt you worse than anything else, so I left to prevent causing you any more pain. Obviously I was wrong. God, Kens, if I could take it all back I would. I never, ever meant to hurt you like that. I never meant to make you doubt yourself. I am so, so sorry."

Kensi looked him in the eye the entire time he spoke. She prided herself on being able to read people well – it was a skill she excelled at and it came in particularly handy during interrogations. A familiar feeling invaded her senses while she listened to Jack speak – a feeling she hadn't had since before he had deployed many years ago. He was telling her the truth, and he was being sincere. This wasn't an act or a joke. Jack was truly sorry for everything in the past.

"Do you… do you think you can ever forgive me? I know I have no right to ask, but I need to anyway. I need this."

She pulled her hand back from his and just looked at him for a moment. So much time had gone by, and yet she still had a soft spot for Jack. A few quiet moments went by. Kensi was torn; so many emotions and thoughts were running through her head and heart. She took a drink and closed her eyes as the cool liquid went down her throat. Jack sat silently next to her, not saying a word. He waited on her.

Finally Kensi set her drink down and turned to Jack. "I forgive you, Jack. I can tell that you have gotten the help you needed and have turned your life around. I won't pretend that it's all ok – the hell I went through – but I survived it. I grew stronger because of it, and I have a great life now. So I can forgive you, Jack."

"Thank you," he simply answered. Kensi finished her drink and got up to leave. "Hey Kensi, it was really good to see you again. I mean it. I'm glad you're happy." He held out his hand. She offered him a smile and shook his hand.

"It was good to see you, too, Jack. It's nice to finally have closure on that chapter."

"Um, this might be out of line or a little inappropriate, but I was wondering if you'd like to come over this weekend…" Seeing the shocked look on her face, he quickly continued. "I'm having a cookout, with a couple of friends. I didn't mean just you and me, sorry. I would love to have you come meet my friends, see for yourself that I'm doing ok now. Plus, if I remember correctly, you were never one to turn down a good hamburger," Jack smiled.

"I don't know if that's such a good idea, Jack. You said what you needed to say. You have my forgiveness. I think going our separate ways again is a better idea," Kensi told him.

"Come on. I don't expect us to be best friends or anything. It's just one cookout. You can bring a friend – or your boyfriend – if you want to. Please come."

* * *

_Will she or won't she? Stick around for the next chapter to find out, ha ha! As always, I appreciate all reviews and messages. Let me know what you think, please._


	13. Chapter 13

Friday morning, Kensi found herself sitting on her couch, head in hands.

"No. No, no, no, no, no," she whimpered softly. "This can't be real; this isn't actually happening, is it?" She sighed and continued staring at the floor. After a few moments, she noticed her watch on her left wrist. "Shit, and now I'm going to be late for work. Great, just great." Kensi wiped the tears that had stained her cheeks, grabbed her bag and keys, and headed out the door.

* * *

Saturday afternoon, Kensi looked at the scrap of paper where Jack had written down his address. She had spent the last hour debating whether or not to go. _"It's just a cookout with some friends. It's not a big deal,"_ she thought. Ultimately her curiosity about how Jack's life had turned out, and the fact that she needed a distraction from the news she received yesterday, won and she drove over to his apartment.

"Hey, you made it!" Jack greeted her at the door. "Come on in!" Turning to the guys in front of the TV, he introduced her. "Guys, this is Kensi. Kensi, that's Brad, Dave, Mike and Jay. We all work together."

She smiled politely as they all took a longer-than-necessary gaze in her direction. "Hi. So, who's playing tonight?" she asked, indicating the game on TV.

The men all turned their attention back to the screen. "The Bruins and the Ducks," someone shouted as they all came to their feet yelling to someone named Hundley.

"Make yourself at home. There are drinks in the fridge, and I'm cooking the burgers right now. Speaking of which, I better go check on them," Jack said as he walked out onto the patio. Kensi grabbed a bottle of water and followed him out.

"Nice place. So what do you do now? You said you work with those guys – where do you work?" Kensi asked.

"We work for a private security firm. We basically get hired for large-scale events where there are celebrities or dignitaries or important people like that. Pretty cool gig actually. I've gotten to meet quite a few A-listers," Jack replied, looking proud of himself. "What do you do these days? You used to talk about forensics back in the day. Did you get that scientist job you always wanted?"

As much as she wanted to, all her training wouldn't allow her to completely trust Jack. "No, I gave up on the science thing. I didn't look good in a white lab coat," she joked. "I'm actually a personal trainer." She knew Jack would never believe her being an art curator or historian, her usual cover story.

"That's cool. You were always in great shape, and by the look of it, still are. So what gym do you work at? Maybe I'll stop by sometime and get help with my workout." He winked at Kensi with a big smile.

"No. I, uh, don't work at a gym. I have private clients, many of whom prefer to remain anonymous. I go to their homes and help them with their fitness goals," she lied.

The burgers got done, and Kensi helped Jack carry them into the kitchen. Everyone dug in to the table full of football food, laughing and joking and having a great time. Kensi let herself relax and enjoy the time. It was almost like hanging out with her team, with all the guys picking on each other and bantering back and forth.

When they were done eating, Kensi offered to help Jack clean up the food and dishes. The other guys were already glued to the screen for the second half of the game.

"This was fun. I'm glad you came over. Almost like old times, right? Laughing, joking, just hanging out together," Jack said. "We had a great thing, didn't we? I was such an idiot to have ever left you," Jack admitted. Kensi tensed up a bit, feeling uncomfortable with the turn in the conversation.

"I'm glad you figured that out. Now we both agree," she tried to brush it off.

Jack went in the other room to gather some more dishes, while Kensi stayed in the kitchen wrapping up the leftover food. As she moved around the small kitchen, she overheard the guys talking.

"She's pretty hot Jack!"

"Yeah, how come you never mentioned what a smoking girlfriend you have?"

"I bet she gives you an incredible workout, if you know what I mean, ha ha!"

"Maybe I'm trying to keep her for myself and away from you dorks," Jack replied to his friends.

Kensi's mood went from uncomfortable to pissed off. She stood in the middle of the kitchen with her arms crossed in front of her. Jack walked in with a few plates, which he set down on as soon as he saw her face.

"You told them I'm your girlfriend? Seriously Jack? What is wrong with you?" Kensi hissed at him.

"I didn't. I mean, not in those exact words. Just let me…" Jack began explaining.

"Shut up! Either way, you let them think we were together. Is that what this invitation was all about? Trying to win me over, get me back in your life and in your bed?" she shouted at him.

Jack took a small step towards her, holding out his arms as if to embrace her. "Of course not. I would never do that to you. My apology was sincere. Although, to be honest, I wouldn't mind starting things up with you again, K-Bear."

Kensi batted his hands away. "Don't! Don't call me that ever again. I can't believe I came over here thinking you just wanted to catch up and be friends. I should have known there was an ulterior motive. Don't try to find me again – stay in the past where you belong!" Kensi stormed out and slammed the door behind her.

Sitting in her car, she tried to sort through everything raging through her. For so many years, she thought that was the moment she was waiting for, the one she had imagined so often – where Jack returned and wanted her back, wanted their life back. It had finally happened, and she couldn't get out of there fast enough. Kensi realized that the Jack chapter in her life was finally complete. There was nothing she wanted or needed from him anymore. The weight of that realization, along with everything else going on in her life, caused her to start sobbing. Instead of making her feel relieved and free, she felt more chaotic than before.

After calming down a bit, she picked up her phone. She called Nell and Jen and asked them to meet her at her mom's house. She also asked them to bring plenty of ice cream. With a final look back at Jack's apartment, she shook her head and pulled out into traffic.

* * *

Kensi's mom met her at the door and wrapped her arms around her. From the phone call she received an hour earlier, she knew something was going on.

"Hey sweetheart. Come on in. The girls are here already. No matter what's going on, we're here for you," Julia assured Kensi. Entering the living room, Kensi saw Nell and Jen sitting on the couch. On the coffee table in front of them were four bowls, spoons, five containers of ice cream – each a different flavor – and a myriad of toppings. Kensi sniffled and half-heartedly laughed.

"You guys really went all out, didn't you?"

Nell walked over to greet her friend. "By the way you sounded on the phone, we decided it was a five flavor night instead of the usual three or four." She hugged Kensi then stepped back. Jen reached out and grabbed Kensi's hands.

"Hey there partner. I don't know what's going on, but I will eat ice cream all night with you if that's what is needed." She smiled gently, unsure if she should hug her partner as well. They had been getting closer at work, and had even gone out for drinks a few times, but Kensi was still a bit of a mystery to Jen.

Kensi shuffled her feet and looked down. She felt like everyone was waiting for her to say something, but she wasn't sure where to begin. "So, I um… I mean first he and I… no, I guess we…," Kensi broke down crying again. Julia wrapped her arm around Kensi's shoulders and guided her to the couch where she crumpled down on the cushion still sobbing.

"The only thing you need to say right now is which flavor you want to start with," Julia said.

Kensi slowed her sobs enough to stutter out "S-s-s-strawberry."

Nell and Julia dished up ice cream sundaes for each woman. They ate silently, giving Kensi a chance to calm down and collect her thoughts.

After a long time, Kensi set her bowl and spoon down. "I… I went to go see him."

"Who? Deeks? I didn't even know you had left the city," Nell responded first.

Kensi shook her head. "No. Jack."

There was silence.

"Wait, who's Jack? Is he another agent?" Jen was confused.

"No. He's Kensi's ex-fiancé. Bad ending," Nell tried to whisper to her.

Kensi heard Nell. "Ha. Bad ending is an understatement. Try two bad endings," she said as she buried her face in her hands.

"I didn't know you two were still in touch. How did this happen? Did he do something to you Kensi?" Julia's maternal protectiveness was coming out.

"No mom. We haven't been in touch. He um, he found me at the beach the other day." Kensi went on to tell them about her and Jack's meeting on the beach, their conversation over drinks, and finally about the cookout that evening. "I really thought I could go there and just hang out like friends. How could I be so stupid?" She started sobbing again.

"What do we do now?" Jen whispered. "More ice cream?"

Nell shook her head and whispered back. "Not yet, too soon. You have to pace Kensi and her sundaes."

"Kensi, sweetheart, we all know Jack is a jerk. You told him off and you left. It's over and none of us will ever let him near you again. It's going to be ok," Julia tried to console her daughter.

"That's not all," Kensi sniffed, shaking her head. "There's, um, more than just Jack." They all waited for her to say more. Finally after a long silence, Julia spoke again.

"Whatever it is, whatever happened, you know you can trust us. You can talk to us."

"I know. It's just, um, so new and I never saw this coming. I still can't believe it. How could I have let this happen?" Kensi wondered out loud.

"Let what happen?" Jen asked her partner. Kensi looked up at everyone. Maybe saying it out loud would help; keeping it inside, even for only thirty-six hours, was taking its toll on her.

"I, uh, just found yesterday, so no one knows yet. No one. And I don't want anyone to know yet either, ok?" Kensi looked up at her friends and her mom. There was a mix of urgency and pleading in her eyes. The three women all nodded their heads affirmatively.

"Wow, ok this is harder than I thought," Kensi mumbled before taking a deep breath. She picked at a thread on the throw pillow next to her before speaking again. "Um, so the thing is, I um, I just found out that I'm… I'm pregnant."

Three pairs of wide eyes and open mouths met Kensi when she looked up. No one was sure what to say at first.

"It's not Jack's, is it?" Julia quietly asked.

"No! Absolutely not. We only just saw each other a few days ago and we didn't DO anything mom," Kensi replied emphatically.

"Sooooo… Deeks?" Nell posed the question they were all thinking.

Kensi slowly nodded her head up and down.

"What does he think about this?" Jen asked.

"I haven't exactly told him," Kensi admitted.

"You haven't told him he's going to be a father yet?" Julia asked a bit surprised.

Kensi shook her head and started to cry again. Nell scooped some chocolate chip ice cream into a bowl, and Jen topped it with whipped cream and a cherry.

"I c-can't tell him, not yet. He's gone," Kensi replied as she accepted the bowl from Jen.

"He's just at training. He can receive phone calls. You know that Kensi," Nell reminded her.

"I just can't. I don't even know what to think about it myself. There's no way I can say anything to Deeks right now."

"Are you happy about this baby?" Julia gently asked.

"I honestly don't know, mom. I'm still processing the reality of it. Everything is so… weird… right now in my life. I don't know what to think about any of it."

"Any of it? Are you just talking about the pregnancy, or more than that?" Jen questioned Kensi.

"All of it," Kensi answered in an exhausted tone. "This is so unexpected. Deeks and I… we only… um, there was only one time. I'm not ready for this. Not at all. I'm a freaking federal agent – I know nothing about babies and kids. I love what I do and I'm not sure I want to stop doing it yet."

"Are you saying you might…" Julia looked worried.

"No! No, of course not. I couldn't do that. I will have this baby, but that's about all I know," Kensi told her mom. "But I have no idea about the rest of it. How am I going to do this alone? How am I ever going to be able to do my job again? Oh my god, Hetty! And, and Callen! What am I going to tell them? How am I going to tell them? I'm going to get fired and be an unemployed single m-m-m-mom," Kensi broke down bawling again.

Nell rubbed Kensi back, trying to relax her. "Sweetie, you are not going to get fired. And Hetty probably already knows, because she's Hetty. Most importantly, though, is that you are not alone. We are all here for you, and you know Deeks will be, too – once you tell him."

Kensi shook her head. "I'm not sure about anything with Deeks."

"Are you kidding? He will be so excited! We've all heard him talking about mutant ninja assassins at least a hundred times a day – and I haven't even been around the guy that much," Jen added.

Kensi shook her head. "Deeks has made progress, but he's not totally the same man he was before… before he was tortured."

She gobbled down the last of her most recent sundae and then told the girls about what had been happening between her and Deeks. She started with the kiss during the Siderov case and continued up through their goodbyes at the airport. Important things had been said between Kensi and Deeks, but he was still not completely back to his old self when he left. He still had searching and healing to do, and so did she. Kensi admitted that she had no idea if they were actually in a relationship or not, and his reaction to anything, much less about a baby, was very unpredictable.

"Maybe talking to Deeks would help," Nell offered. "He always seems to know the right things to say to you and how to help you through things. He will be there for you, Kensi. You know he will."

"No. I can't do that to him," Kensi objected. "He's doing this training for himself, to become an agent. He really wants this. I can't give him news like this and have him distracted the rest of his time there. He has to stay focused – you guys know how important those courses are."

"Do you love him, Kensi?" her mom asked her. "Do you really love him?"

Kensi nodded. "Yeah, I do mom."

"Then you have nothing to worry about. He loves you, too. Just talk to him."

The four women spent a few more hours eating ice cream and discussing Kensi's fears and doubts. They cried together, they laughed a little, and eventually they all found some peace in the form of sleep there at Julia's home. Before anyone's eyelids had closed, Nell, Jen and Julia had convinced Kensi to tell Deeks about the baby before he came home from training. He deserved to know – which Kensi agreed with – but she needed to figure out how to tell him.

* * *

_Will Kensi be brace enough to actually tell Deeks? How do you think he will react if/when she does tell him? Guess you will have to stay tuned, hee hee! Thanks for all the love!_


	14. Chapter 14

_As always, I so appreciate all of you readers! Thank you for all the positive reviews to the last chapter. This one is a little shorter, but it's all Kensi and Deeks. I hope you like it!_

* * *

_Find anything to watch yet?_

_No. Wait how do you know what I'm doing?_ Kensi texted Deeks back, curious.

_It's Friday night and I'm not there. Hence channel surfing._

She could almost see his smug smirk across the miles.

He sent a second message before she could reply. _Still missing my awesomeness?_

_That assumes you were awesome to begin with :-) _Kensi quickly typed out, smiling to herself.

_So you do miss me!_

_Maybe…_

_Anything new and exciting there?_

Kensi tensed up reading that question. She still hadn't figured out how to tell him her latest news. Make that _their_ latest news. _Nope, _she texted back_. _

_K. have to go on 5 mile run in the morning, so turning in early._

_Can we Skype later?_

_Should have time and privacy Sunday. Really missing me?_

_If that's what you need to tell yourself._

_Something wrong?_

_Nope. Just want to talk face to face._

_K. Night Kens._

_Night Deeks._

She had until Sunday afternoon to figure how she was going to tell Deeks he was going to be the father of her baby.

* * *

This was definitely outside of her comfort zone, but she figured she might as well get used to it sooner than later. She walked up and down the aisles of Toys"R"Us, looking for a few "props" to help her out during her Skype date with Deeks tomorrow afternoon. Everywhere she looked, there were kids running, touching, sneezing, coughing, drooling, laughing, yelling, shouting, screaming, bumping and pushing. A tiny part of her wanted to pull her badge out and yell "Federal Agent!" just to make everyone freeze so she could maneuver without small persons in her way.

As she rounded the corner to the next aisle, two boys – probably brothers by their looks – came running out, yelling at each other.

"I'm gonna tell mom! You're such a doody-head!"

"Am not! You are, you big dork face!"

The mother stopped the boys in their tracks and scolded them for behaving that way in public. She also returned the toys that had been in her hands to the shelves and told the boys they would be going home empty-handed that day. Kensi watched how this mother stayed so calm and in control with the whirlwind of energy and tantrums going on about her. Her first instinct would have been to cuff the boys and line them up against the wall while reminding them of their Miranda rights.

"How do you do it?" Kensi timidly asked the mother.

"Do what?"

"Stay so calm with your kids, and you have two of them! I have no idea what I'm getting into," Kensi admitted, placing a hand on her still-flat abdomen.

The mother laughed. "Give them as much love as you can, every day; remember YOU are the mom and they are the KIDS; and stay in control of your emotions no matter what. You'll do great, and congratulations!" She turned and ushered her sons out of the store.

Kensi stood there, taking in the woman's words. This parenting thing was going to be a very interesting journey – hopefully a journey she would have a partner for. She was still nervous about Deeks' reaction to the pregnancy, but she knew she had to tell him now rather than later. Kensi finished her shopping, stopped for some take-out, and headed home.

* * *

_Beep-Boop-Beep. Beep-Boop-Beep._

Her computer let her know she had an incoming video call. Kensi settled into the couch cushions and clicked "answer" on her screen. Deeks' face came into view.

"Hey Fern!"

"Hi Deeks." There was an awkward pause as both tried to think of what to say next. Even though there had been a few phone calls and several text messages, they hadn't actually seen each other since that morning at the airport.

"So, how's training going? How was your run yesterday?" Kensi asked.

"Training is going ok. Kind of bored to tell you the truth," Deeks replied. "The run just about killed me; I haven't run that far since I was cleared by the docs."

Kensi smiled politely but couldn't find anything to say. She sat there quietly, fidgeting in her seat on the couch.

Deeks spoke up next. "So to what do I owe the honor of your beautiful face on my screen? This is the first time we've done the video thing. Not that I'm complaining, cause I'm not. I am enjoying the view for sure, just that it was a surprise to get your request the other night. By surprise, I mean a pleasant one…" Deeks rambled on.

"Deeks, stop talking," Kensi said shaking her head. She had to get on with the conversation or she would lose her courage. "I actually have a reason for wanting to see you and not just talk on the phone."

"Kensi's wanting a little private time? Is that it? Because I'm willing to oblige if that's the case. I'm in my own private room, door locked, curtains shut." Deeks stared at Kensi through the screen, his blue eyes filling her with all sorts of thoughts.

"Deeks…" she replied, half amused and half annoyed. "Can you focus for a minute? I have something important I need to share with you."

"Ok. I am completely focused," Deeks answered, staring straight ahead at her.

"I'm going to show you a couple of items and I want to see if you can figure it out – kind of like a puzzle," she said.

She held up a series of items: first a picture of her and Deeks together, then a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle figure holding a toy gun, and then a baby bottle. He looked confused at first, so she showed him each item again in order.

"Put them all together and what do you get?" she asked him.

He thought about it. "You and me, a mutant ninja turtle with a gun, and a bottle. If this is your idea of private time, then we need to tal… Wait! I think I get it!" Deeks then got quiet but with a look of recognition on his face.

Kensi was nervous. She hadn't said anything out loud, and yet the look on Deeks' face told her that he knew. Now she had to face his reaction, something she had built up anxiety over for a few weeks now.

"Us… mutant ninja… assassin? A baby mutant ninja assassin? Us?" His thoughts came out in broken phrases as the reality of what Kensi was telling him set in. "H-how did that happen? I mean, I know but – it was only one time," Deeks finally said.

"Didn't you have health class in school? It only takes once, Deeks," Kensi replied.

"Wow. We're having a baby, Fern. Just, wow," Deeks answered, still a bit in shock. He ran his fingers through his hair.

"Yeah."

"How long have you known? Is everything ok? Are you ok?" he asked.

"About two weeks. I've been to the doctor already and everything is fine. I, um, even got to hear the heartbeat," she quietly responded wanting to reassure him but also feeling bad that it had taken her so long to tell him.

Deeks nodded. "Good. That's good. You're – you're both good then."

"Look, Deeks, I can understand if you don't want to do this. It was unexpected and more than you bargained for… more than either of us expected. It was just that one night that we-," Kensi quickly said.

Deeks interrupted her. "We both said no regrets. I can't make any promises right now Kens, except that I am not going to walk away from you and our child."

Kensi let out a sigh. "Are you sure? I mean, if you don't want a baby right now, I can – I can raise it myself. I just thought you should know about it, is all." She was trying to stay strong and not let her emotions leak out.

"Kens, how well do you know me? Yes, I want kids and a family, and you are the only woman I've ever wanted that with. It's just, well, the timing kinda sucks right now. And before you start thinking it – it's no one's fault. It happened. But I'm just learning how to be me again, Kens. I'm learning how to really move on from past incidents, and how to be the man you need. Now I have to figure out how to be a father, too. I haven't exactly had a great role model to work from," Deeks meekly confessed.

"I'm scared too, Deeks. To be honest, I'm still internally freaking out. This isn't what I wanted, not right now. I always thought I would have kids later, after I had been an agent for many years. I'm trained to be an agent and I love doing it. I'm not trained to change diapers and make up bottles and handle fragile, wiggly, slobbery babies. I am completely out of my element here, and that scares me. I- I don't know how to do this." She looked down at her hands again, not wanting to make eye contact with Deeks after her admission.

"Kensi, princess, look at me," he requested. Once her deep browns met his bright blues, he continued. "Thank you for telling me about our baby. I know it wasn't in either of our timelines to have a child right now, but Hetty always tells us that things happen for a reason. Apparently it's our job now to figure out that reason, and we will. Together. I'm scared, you're scared, but I think together we can be less afraid."

She nodded in agreement.

"And you don't have to be so strong all the time, Kens. It's ok to need someone, to need help. I know I'm not there in person right now, but I will do whatever I can from here. I'm sure once you tell the others, you will have a huge support system there, too."

Kensi nodded again. "My mom has already promised to do whatever I need her to."

Deeks smiled. "I can just imagine your mom is over the moon excited about a grand-ninja-assassin!"

"Hey Deeks? Um, so this… us… we're going to be ok?" Kensi asked hesitantly.

"Yeah, we're ok. We just have to take it one day at a time, together. The next chapter of our story is being written as we speak."

* * *

_So she's told Deeks, and her mom, Nell and Jen know. Now the hard part - letting Hetty know! And what does Granger want with Kensi? Stay tuned..._


	15. Chapter 15

_You guys bless me with all your reviews, follows and favorites! I know I say it a lot, but it is so encouraging and uplifting to know there are people around the world interested in what I write. I hope you continue to enjoy the story!_

* * *

"So here's a question for you, Sam," Callen said as he lowered his newspaper. "Who is quieter: a SEAL or a ninja?"

Sam chuckled. "That's not a question, G. SEAL, hands down."

"Are you sure? I mean, ninja's are pretty quiet," Callen answered back.

"No way. A Navy SEAL will win any contest, any time, against any one. SEALS can slip in and out undetected from any environment: sea, air or land. We are trained to specifically be quiet, especially at night," Sam defended his special ops brotherhood.

Callen wasn't convinced. "I think the ninja wins this one, Sam – they are the original definition of sneaky."

"Ninjas can have sneaky. SEALs are stealthy, like a predator on its prey. They never know what's coming at 'em til we're in their face," Sam continued. "You ever see a ninja sneak up on someone in the middle of the ocean with no boat, airplane or jet ski?"

"Sam, ninjas have been around a lot longer than SEALs, so maybe SEALs learned their tricks from the ninjas. That would make the ninjas quieter because they came first."

"G, we're not arguing the chicken and the egg here. SEALs are obviously superior to ninjas. Ninjas just sneak, maybe throw a little star or disc thingy and disappear again. We can slide in, shoot you dead, blow up the house and get back out without anyone seeing us," Sam said emphatically.

"Exactly my point. SEALs can get in and out, but shooting and explosions are not quiet. Ninjas are the original stealth mode operators, including their weapons. Look at how quiet Hetty is – she can sneak up on any one of us, anytime, anywhere. And you can never be sure what kind of weapon she might be wielding… Wait, she's right behind me, isn't she?" Callen suddenly became self-conscious.

"Indeed I am, Mr. Callen, but you only said that because you assumed I would show up at the very time you were speaking about me. Not because you could hear me behind you," Hetty said matter-of-factly. Callen and Sam exchanged a look.

Hetty continued. "I would have to agree with Mr. Callen that ninjas are indeed quieter than SEALs. That's not to say that SEALs do not have their place; I believe they are far more proficient in maritime environments and with firearms than a ninja warrior. However, Mr. Hanna, the art of stealth by which a ninja is trained is a skill you may want to brush up on. I believe you will find it especially useful when your children are teenagers."

Sam chuckled and grinned at his manager. "What do you know about raising teenagers, Hetty? I thought you didn't have any children."

Hetty's answer could be heard plainly as she walked back to her desk. "I work with the lot of you every day." Hetty grabbed her purse and file folder. "I'm off to an appointment for the rest of the morning. Be safe, don't spend all the money, and please be nice." The men watched as she walked out the door.

"Where does she go all the time?" Callen asked.

"I don't know, and I'm pretty sure I don't want to know," Sam answered as he picked up a file from the stack on his desk.

"Probably secret ninja stuff," Callen decided, returning his gaze to the newspaper.

Kensi walked in a short time later, and plopped her bag on her desk. She looked around the mission a few times before speaking. "Anyone seen Hetty this morning?"

"She just left. Said she had an appointment the rest of the morning," Sam answered.

"Ninja training," Callen added. Kensi looked at him a little confused as Sam shook his head. Jen entered the bullpen, wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt.

"Where have you been? I thought we were going to work out together this morning partner. I've been waiting for you." She looked at Kensi and gestured toward her clothing. "C'mon, you can't work out in jeans. Let's go before it gets any later!" She grabbed Kensi's hand and dragged her down the hall.

About an hour later, both women were back at their desks freshly showered and changed. Kensi kept looking over towards Hetty's desk nervously.

"Kensi, are you ok? You look worried about something," Callen noted.

"I'm fine. I just need to, uh, need to talk to Hetty about something," Kensi responded. Just then a shrill whistle pierced the air. They all looked up and saw Nell standing at the railing, waving at them.

"Come on up guys! New case on deck," she shouted down.

"Eric let you do whistle duty?" Sam questioned as he headed up the stairs.

"Um, sure. Well, not exactly let me as much as I beat him to it," Nell said smiling.

Callen dramatically whispered to his partner. "Nope, he's not whipped at all."

Nell took her place next to Eric at the front of the room and they began briefing the agents.

"A Navy lieutenant was found dead early this morning at Naval Base Ventura County, specifically Port Hueneme," Eric said as a picture appeared on the screen. "Lt. Yencha's body was found in his office by a petty officer who was arriving for work. One shot to the head. No one in the office saw or heard anything, and we haven't received the security footage yet."

"Why were we called for this? Shouldn't NCIS in San Diego be handling it?" Callen asked.

Nell swiped her finger across her tablet. "San Diego's field office called us for their assistance," she answered. "They have three other cases from Naval Bases San Diego and China Lake very similar to this latest one. They're thinking we might have a serial killer on our hands. Also, all the victims worked with weapons systems, so there is a possibility that naval weapons technology has been compromised or stolen."

"OK, Kensi, Jenny, I want you ladies to talk to the agents from San Diego and find out about their current cases. Get all the details you can. Sam and I will head up to Port Hueneme and check out the scene," Callen directed. "Eric, Nell, see how quickly you can get your hands on that base security footage and tell me what you see. Traffic cams in the city, base gates, building security, everything – I want to know who was going in and out of that office this morning. Also find out what kinds of weapons systems each of these now four victims were working with."

"On it," Eric responded as each pair of partners headed off to their assignment.

* * *

Later that afternoon, the agents had reconvened in the bullpen, sharing the information they had learned so far on the case.

"According to San Diego, all the victims have been active duty sailors, all killed by a single shot to the head, and all had a rate directly dealing with weapons systems," Jenny reported. "All the murders have taken place on a military base. They haven't found any specific project all the men were working on in common."

Kensi continued. "So far at the three scenes they've worked, only blood from the victim has been found, and no other DNA evidence, fingerprints or forensics left behind. This killer is careful not to leave a trace. There is also no footage of a killer on any security tapes - it's almost like the person knew where the blind spots were for the cameras. San Diego gave us a list of possible suspects, but it's pretty long. There are a lot of people who would have an interest in weapons and also have access to military bases. We're going to try to narrow it down the best we can, and hopefully you guys have found something to help us weed out some names."

Sam shared what they had found out during their trip to Port Hueneme. "Lt. Yencha was single with no children. Everyone we spoke with said he was well liked, and there were no disciplinary issues in his file. There was blood on the desk, chair and floor; the lab is running the samples for any matches. Other than the desk where he was killed, there were no signs of his office being searched or a struggle happening. Eric has the hard drive from the lieutenant's computer to see if it was accessed or modified in any way near the time of the murder," he concluded.

Kensi shook her head in agreement with Sam's report. "San Diego also noted that each of their scenes were undisturbed except for the actual spot of the murder. None of the locations showed signs of a struggle or frantic search, indicating…"

"Indicating that our victims knew the killer," Callen cut her off. "There wouldn't be a struggle if you knew the person and thought they were there for friendly reasons."

"And there wouldn't be the need for a search and upending things if you knew right where to look," Jenny added.

"Let's get the details from all four crime scenes laid out side-by-side and see if we can figure this puzzle out," Callen ordered. "There has to be some common thread in here somewhere."

"You three can get started on your puzzle, as you call it, but I need Ms. Blye to come with me for right now," Hetty announced, appearing from nowhere.

Kensi looked at her teammates questioningly before she nodded and followed the petite woman to her office. Hetty invited her to sit down and offered her some tea. Kensi politely took a sip. When she looked up again, she saw Assistant Director Granger standing next to Hetty.

"Hello Agent Blye." Granger greeted her.

"Hello sir." Kensi wasn't sure why she was there, but with both Hetty and Granger there together, it couldn't be good. Was it possible they found out her news already? "Um, can I ask why I'm here? Did I do something wrong?"

"Do you think you did something wrong, dear?" Hetty asked her.

"No."

"Then just relax and don't worry," Hetty answered.

Granger took a step forward. "Agent Blye, have you given any thought as to what you would like to do after your time here is up?"

"After? When my time is up? I, um, haven't really thought about it because I thought I would be here a long time." Kensi started to internally panic at Granger's question. "Wait, are you firing me? Hetty – is he firing me?"

"Ms. Blye, I have no plans for your dismissal or departure. And I can assure you, neither does Assistant Director Granger. Isn't that correct, Owen?"

"That's correct. What I meant was, have you given any thought to your career path? Being the junior agent on an élite team is not a lifetime position. There are more options that could be open to you in federal law enforcement."

"I'm not sure I'm following. Are you talking about transferring to another office or agency? Because honestly I am happy here, in case I've given the impression that I'm not. I love my job," Kensi argued.

"Agent Blye, I know we got off on the wrong foot when I first came to Los Angeles. Since that time, I have observed you frequently, both in and out of the field, and I am impressed by what I see. You are a top-notch agent with a very promising future ahead of you."

"Thank you." Kensi relaxed a bit.

Granger continued. "Have you ever considered having your own team of agents? I think you would be an excellent candidate for a team leader position."

"My own team - like Callen? Is he retiring or leaving? I don't want to take his job."

"There are always openings around the globe, dear. Once you complete the necessary training, you could have your pick of offices and bases on almost any continent," Hetty explained. "As far as I know, Mr. Callen isn't going anywhere."

Granger nodded in agreement. "So what do you think, Agent Blye?"

"Wow, um, that's a lot to think about. Do I have to give you an answer right now?" Kensi inquired.

"No, of course not. Take your time and think about it. There is no deadline for this, so let me know when you have made up your mind." Granger and Hetty assured her she could come to them with any questions she had, and then dismissed her back to her team and the current case.

As Kensi packed up her bag to head home that evening, she had a lot on her mind – the current case with a potential serial killer; the pregnancy (which she hadn't had the opportunity to tell Hetty about yet); the new team leader job opportunity, her future with Deeks. The one person she wanted to talk about it all with was currently unavailable due to some field training on the other side of the country. She sighed and patted her flat belly. "Guess it's just you, me and a medium pepperoni tonight."


	16. Chapter 16

Kensi rushed to her desk and set her things down. Then before anyone could slow her down, she made her way across the mission floor.

"Hetty, I really need to talk to you. Do you have a minute?" she asked.

"Of course. I always have time for my team. Have a seat," Hetty answered as she gestured towards the chair next to Kensi. "You're here rather early today. What can I do for you Ms. Blye?"

Kensi sat down and began playing with her fingers in her lap. "I'm not really sure the best way to say this, because it just happened and it was unexpected, but I'm… I'm, um…" Kensi stammered nervously.

"Expecting? Yes, dear, I know. Congratulations," Hetty answered matter-of-factly.

"Wait, you know? How do you know? Did someone tell you? I know I should have told you yesterday right away, but then the case came up and you were gone and…"

"Relax Kensi. No one told me anything, well not directly. Sometimes observations are more powerful than words." Hetty paused to pour some tea. "You have been cutting way back on your coffee consumption, you have been more particular about what you eat, and you may want to close your desk drawer completely if you are going to keep prenatal vitamins in there."

Kensi silently cursed herself for being so careless. "So, yeah. I'm pregnant. It was completely unplanned, but I am going to be the best agent and parent I can be. I am still committed to NCIS, Hetty."

Hetty nodded at the young woman in front of her. "I understand. Have you told your team leader the news yet?"

"Not yet. I wanted to tell you first." The truth was that Kensi was even more terrified to tell Callen than she was to tell Hetty.

"I see. What about the baby's father?" Hetty asked.

"Um, he knows. I told him already."

"And how is Mr. Deeks handling the news of impending fatherhood?"

Kensi's jaw dropped. "How- how did you know it was Deeks?"

Hetty smiled and leaned forward closer to Kensi. "My dear, there are many things that I know. How I know them is of no consequence."

"Right. Deeks – he's ok with it I guess. He said he would be there for me and the baby." Kensi replied.

"I have no doubts that he will live up to his word on that. Is there anything else I can help you with?"

Kensi nodded slowly. "I know this is going to change my work responsibilities. How long can I stay in the field before I get chained to a desk?"

Hetty chuckled a bit at Kensi's dramatic inquiry. "No one is getting chained to anything, as you say. We will see how the case load goes, but I think it's safe to say you will only be going out on fact-finding missions from now on, and never alone."

"What about when Deeks comes back? Can we still be partners, or did we screw that up?" Kensi asked hesitantly.

"Considering how far along you are, and the time when Mr. Deeks is expected back to OSP as an agent, I don't think it will be an issue. By the time he returns to us, you will be more than halfway through your pregnancy and will certainly be staying in this mission out of the field. Mr. Deeks can take over your partnership with Ms. Lowry, and the three of you can work together here." Hetty responded, as if she had everything planned out already.

"What about Jenny now, in the field I mean? Who will she go out with instead of me? I hate to leave her hanging, or worse, the third wheel with Sam and Callen."

"Oh, I already have someone in mind. You let me worry about that." Hetty got up from her desk to walk around by Kensi, who stood up to leave. "Don't worry about Assistant Director Granger and his offer either. Parenthood is not a disqualification for promotions." She smiled up at the tall, slender agent in front of her.

"Congratulations again, Kensi. I have every faith that you will succeed in this new venture."

* * *

There were so many things going on with her family of agents these days. Some things were returning to normal, some things were finding a new normal, and some things could never be normal again. In the middle of it all, the villains and terrorists kept up their tireless job of aggravating law enforcement. Hetty sighed and enjoyed her tea during what was supposedly her lunch break. A loud ringing broke her out of her thoughts. She reached over and picked up the receiver of her desk telephone.

"Yes, this is Henrietta Lange. With whom am I speaking?"

"That is correct. I do have an employee by that name."

"He did what? I see. I will take care of it. Please let me speak with him."

"Hello. Can you explain to me exactly what happened?"

"Are you sure? Yes, that was the right answer."

"Who said that? Ah, yes, I remember her."

"You can rest assured I will follow up on that right away."

"You are a cheeky one, aren't you?"

"Yes, alright, I will let you get back. You are greatly missed. Oh and Mr. Deeks? Try to be on your best behavior from here on out, would you?" Hetty chuckled as she hung up the phone. She noticed a few faces from the bullpen glancing her way.

"Was that Deeks on the phone?" Kensi asked Hetty as she walked into the bullpen area.

"Yes, dear. It seems Mr. Deeks was trying to instruct the instructor about some undercover techniques during one of his courses. The instructor did not take kindly to being told she was wrong in front of her pupils," Hetty explained.

"Deeks isn't even half-way completed with his training and he's getting in trouble already? Sam, you owe me twenty bucks," Callen said to his partner.

"You were laughing, so it can't be that bad. What did he do? Tell the class that going under as a homeless bum is always the right answer?" Kensi joked.

"Mr. Deeks tried to share some of his years of experience in relation to a simulated scenario for the course. He started to argue his point and dropped my name during the conversation. Apparently that mention caused quite a stir, and hence the phone call I received. Mr. Deeks is doing well in his training and will not be penalized for being correct," Hetty explained with a mischievous grin on her face.

"Deeks was right?"

"My people are always right, Mr. Hanna."

* * *

Eric sprinted down the stairs in record time, almost colliding with Callen, who was starting the ascent up to ops.

"Sorry Callen, I didn't see you there," Eric said quickly as he tried to move aside.

"Actually I was coming to see you. Did we get anything back from those blood samples found at Port Hueneme yet?"

Eric started fidgeting nervously with the file folder in his hands. "Uh yeah, but I need to talk to Hetty first. I can get them to you later."

"Is that the results?" Callen asked, pointing to the file folder. "I can take them now and look them over myself."

Eric's grip tightened on the folder. "Um, no. No, I can't give them to you yet. I would, normally, but I really have to run them past Hetty first this time."

"Eric, what's going on? Are you trying to hide something about the case from me? We have an active investigation going on and I need those results. You've never had to run results past Hetty before." Callen was getting impatient.

"Special circumstances this time. Sorry Callen. Just doing my job." Eric stepped past Callen and continued to Hetty's desk, leaving Callen a bit bewildered and confused.

"It's a busy day around here. What can I do for you, Mr. Beale?" Hetty inquired of the young man in front of her desk.

"Well, um, we got the results back from the lab on the blood samples taken from Port Hueneme." Eric paused, unsure if he should continue yet or not. "There is something you need to see."

"What did you find out?"

"There were 3 different contributors. One is our victim, Lt. Yencha, and then two other unknown male samples. This whole time we've been assuming that there is only one killer, but there may be two, or someone else was in the room and injured during the murder," Eric reported, getting excited.

"I see. Do we have any leads on who those two other samples are from? Did you get any matches on them?" Hetty asked.

" Yes and no. One of the samples is a complete unknown yet. We are still searching for a match in all the available databases. The second one… we ran it through all the databases, like normal, and um, one name came up as a partial match – to one of our own." Eric responded nervously, looking around the mission.

"Our own? About whom are you speaking, Mr. Beale?"

"The sample came back as a familial match – most likely a parent-child match – to Callen," Eric said in a hushed tone.

Hetty set her tea cup down and leaned forward in her chair. "You're telling me, Mr. Beale, that there were two men in the room besides Lt. Yencha when he was murdered, and that one of them could be Mr. Callen's father?"

"Yes to the first part, Hetty, and possibly to the second part, at least according to the DNA results from the blood."

"Is that all?" Hetty asked.

"Should I tell Callen? He wants the results as soon as possible, but I told him I needed to run them past you first. What should I tell him if he asks again?"

Hetty held her hand out. "Leave the report here with me. I will speak with Mr. Callen about this. Thank you Mr. Beale."

Eric eagerly handed over the file folder. "Here you go, Hetty." He turned on his heels and practically ran back up to the safety of his ops center.

Hetty picked up the file folder and looked over the paper within. "Oh, Bugger!"

* * *

While Hetty and Eric were speaking in her office, Callen and his team went over what they had found out about their case. All of the victims were working on weapons systems for the Navy, but none of them were working on the same systems. Some were for aerial defense, some were missile systems and some were large guns. Some were used by sailors on board a ship and some were for the Marines. A few of the systems had just been released for live use, but most of them were still in the development, test and evaluation phases.

"There are only a few bases that do weapons testing and evaluation. The only other ones on the west coast that haven't been targeted yet are NAS Fallon and WSMR," Nell reported to the team.

"What's a WSMR?" Jenny asked.

"It stands for White Sands Missile Range, in New Mexico. A joint services base for long-range weapons testing, among other things," Kensi explained. "The Navy has had a detachment there since World War II."

"And Fallon? I thought that was just an air base," Jenny questioned.

"NAS Fallon is also home to the Navy Fighter Weapons School," Kensi told her partner.

"They weren't kidding when they said you know everything there is to know about weapons, were they?" Jenny said light-heartedly to her partner. Kensi nodded proudly.

"We need to have both bases tighten up their security and be alerted to possible threats. I'll have Hetty call the base commanders," Callen said. "Let's look at the list of suspects again and the bases we've identified, and see if we can come up with a shorter list of who might have access to each base and interest in a variety of weapons. Nell, anything from the security tapes yet?"

Nell shook her head. "Nothing very useful. There were no cameras inside the lieutenant's office, but there was one in the hall. It showed several people walking past the area where his office is, but no one that stood out as suspicious or out of place. We are still working with facial recognition to identify all the people in the hallway, but so far no good leads. Sorry."

"You and Eric keep on it, let us know if anyone seems even slightly out of place or unusual. I'll go see if I can get those results from Eric yet on the blood found at our scene."

Callen started to walk out of the bullpen, but stopped at the sound of his boss's voice.

"Mr. Callen, I need to see you right away. It's about this case…"

* * *

_The next chapter might a little delayed, so I figured I would get this one out now. Thank you for reading and reviewing and sharing your thoughts with me. And a big SHOUT OUT to NCIS: Los Angeles and their 100th episode airing tonight! WOO HOO!_


	17. Chapter 17

"Crazy month, huh?" Eric said as he popped another French fry in his mouth.

"Hmm?" The sound of Eric's voice brought Nell back from her own thoughts.

"All the news we've gotten lately. First Kensi is pregnant with Deeks' baby…"

"Which really isn't a big surprise," Nell interrupted him.

"Wait, you knew sooner? Why didn't you tell me?"

Nell shrugged her shoulders and picked up her drink. "Girl talk. It's sacred."

"Right," Eric replied, not wanting to even think about all the things those women discussed when they were together. "And how about the thing with Callen and his dad? That is totally random."

Hetty had finally shared the results of the blood samples with Callen, who hadn't taken the revelation easy. He had been told he would be officially off the case because of the possibility of a conflict of interest with a family member. Callen tried to argue all his points to stay on the case, which Hetty gracefully denied.

"That was very strange, his dad's DNA showing up at one of our crime scenes. Have you noticed that Callen is having a hard time staying away from this case?" Nell said, somewhat distracted.

"Yeah, he tried bribing me with a bag of Oreos the other day for information. I had to say no because Hetty was on her way up. I'm pretty sure Callen is out there trying to find the guy himself." Eric helped himself to a few more fries as he looked across the table at his girlfriend. She was staring out the window.

"Nell, are you ok?"

She sighed and turned her face back to the table. "Yeah. Just waiting for you to continue."

"Continue?"

"On to the other news item of the month. The one regarding me," Nell said.

Eric nodded slowly. "I, um, wasn't going to bring that one up."

"Why not? You might as well. It's not like we can forget about it, and I can't hide it from you. I also know you're not happy about it, but I don't want to fight with you at work about it. I figured that's why you wanted to go out for lunch today," Nell responded hastily.

He knew he had to choose his words carefully or sleep on the couch that night.

"I don't want to fight with you either. We both know how the other one feels, so we just have to find a way to deal with it. I choose to not bring it up unless I have to," Eric told his beautiful partner.

"Really? That's your solution – to just ignore it and hope it goes away? Eric, two things: one, this is a good thing, and two, it's only temporary," Nell said before taking a bite of her turkey and cheddar wrap.

"You know that I don't like this," Eric replied. Hetty had informed Nell that she would be Jenny's partner in the field for the time being, due to Kensi's pregnancy. Kensi was only allowed in the field for very limited interviewing, and she could be at the boat shed for interrogations.

"Eric, come on. I've already explained to you that I don't really have a choice. It's not like I can tell Hetty no." Nell was getting annoyed by the same old argument. "Plus, I'm kind of excited to get out and learn some more about being a field agent on actual cases. Hetty wouldn't send me out if she didn't think I was ready."

Eric frowned. He was in between that rock and hard place of being both co-worker and boyfriend. He wanted to be supportive of her career goals, and it was an honor to be asked by Hetty to go out with her élite team. She had personally hand-picked each person on that team, including Jenny and now Nell. However, Eric also wanted to protect Nell from everything he knew could go wrong out there.

Nell spoke again, laying down her food. "I get to wear a gun, and Sam and Callen will almost always be with us. Jenny will always be with me as my partner, and she is a fully trained agent. I'm going to be fine, Eric. Very safe. Why can't you be excited for me?"

"Excited? That the woman I am in love with is going to be facing some of the worst scum on the earth, face to face, and usually with dangerous weapons?"

"Is there another kind of weapon other than dangerous?" Nell asked with a smile.

Eric shook his head. "Nell, I'm serious. I want to be supportive of this, I really do, but I also know what can happen and that scares me. Aren't you even the slightest bit scared or nervous?"

"You know how we stay in ops when the team goes out? How we hear all their requests and monitor everything going on the area to help them out? And how they can't do their job without us doing ours in ops?" Nell asked him.

"Yeah…." Eric replied, not sure where she was going with this line of questions.

"When I am out with Jenny and Sam and Callen, I know that you will be the one in Ops guiding me, watching out for me, hearing my requests and needs. I don't need to be afraid; I know I can do my job because I know you will be there for me doing yours," Nell concluded, reaching across the table and grabbing Eric's hand in hers.

"Of course I will be watching out for you. I always do. But there is one thing I am still afraid of," Eric said hesitantly.

Nell looked at him curiously. "What's that?"

"Getting back late from lunch and having to face Hetty. Let's go!"

* * *

Several weeks went by with not much more to go on concerning their serial killer case. There were no new bodies and no new evidence about the previous ones. NAS Fallon and WSMR were still under high alert, but had nothing suspicious to report so far. The team had worked a couple smaller cases that finished up quickly, but this case still bugged them - especially Callen.

Eric leaned over the railing and whistled. "Hey, Callen, I need you up in Ops. You have a video call coming in from Paris."

"Paris?" Jenny asked. "Since when do we have a case in France?"

"Not that Paris," Kensi answered her partner, shaking her head. "Paris Summerskill, an NCIS agent on the Red Team we worked with a while back."

"Yeah, a certain agent Mr. G. Callen has a thing for," Sam added with a smirk.

"There is no thing with Paris. We're professional associates," Callen replied as he walked up the stairs trying to ignore his co-workers.

"Right," the team answered almost in unison as they joined him upstairs.

Callen looked up at the large screen where the Red Team agent appeared. "What's up Paris?" Kensi could have sworn there was a hint of a smile on his face.

Paris informed Callen and the rest of the team that they were in New Mexico on a case. It appeared their case was related to the serial killer case they were working on in LA and San Diego. A chief petty officer had been found dead in the missile assembly facility at WSMR. He was killed with one gunshot to the head, the same as the other victims, and no signs of a struggle. The chief was in charge of the various weapons projects the Navy detachment there worked on. His computer was being scanned and analyzed at the time, and Paris said they would share all details of their case with OSP as they learned more.

At Hetty's request, Nell called NAS Fallon. They were the only west-coast base on their shortlist that did not have a dead body yet. She learned in her conversations with several people that one civilian employee had been missing for the last three days. The base couldn't reach him on any of the contact numbers they had on file, he hadn't requested any leave time, and no one had heard from him. The OSP team told the commander at Fallon that they would look into the disappearance and see what they could find out. They were all secretly hoping they would find him – alive – on a last-minute vacation or something. One dead body a day was enough.

The team got busy, each with a different direction to look in: Fallon security footage, the man's financial records, phone records, emails, internet history, his home and neighborhood, and several other facets of his life to be dug through and examined. Kensi especially was grateful for this newest development in the case. While it is never a happy job to look for a missing and/or dead person, it gave Kensi something she could do without leaving the office and putting herself in danger. It also helped the time pass faster until Deeks would be home from his agent training.

* * *

_Several weeks later..._

Deeks drummed the end of his pencil on the desk in front of him. He picked up his phone with the other hand, stared at the screen, then set it down again. He was supposed to be studying for the written exam tomorrow but couldn't concentrate.

After another minute of pencil drumming, he threw it down and stood up. Nervously he paced back and forth between the window and the door of his room. During the fourth trip, he grabbed the phone off the desk, dialed a number and waited. Someone picked up on the other end.

"Hello? Hi, yeah it's me… I know it's been a long time. I'm sorry."

"Look, I'm out of town right now, but I'll be home in a couple of weeks. Could we – could I come over when I get back?"

"No, I don't want to fight or argue… No, I'm not in trouble. I just – look, I need to talk. There have been a lot of changes in my life recently, and I really need someone to talk to. I was hoping maybe it could be you."

"Really? That, uh… that sounds nice actually. I would like that." Deeks sat on the edge of the bed, feeling some relief over the course of the conversation.

"Maybe. I can't make any promises, but I can say a definite maybe. Ok?"

"Great. I look forward to seeing you again, too. Yeah, I know. Me too. Bye."

Deeks set the phone down. There was a lot to talk about, but he felt better. It was the right thing to do. Two more weeks to go, a few more exams to take, and he would be on a plane back to LA as Probationary Special Agent Deeks.

Just as he was about to go back to studying at his desk, his phone beeped. He had a new text message.

_Hurry up and come home. I'm out of ice cream. – K_

_Too lazy to go get some yourself? – D_

_Lazy? I am working my ass off making your child. – K_

_Right. Can your craving hold off two weeks? I can stock your freezer then. – D_

_Might be a few more cravings you need to satisfy by then...__- K_

_Knew you couldn't live without me – D_

_And of course you're always right LOL! – K_

_Of course – D_

_Getting sleepy. No ice cream so nap instead – K_

_Ok. Night Kens. Night baby. – D_

He set the phone down and headed to his desk, this time with a smile. Soon…

* * *

_Sorry for the long delay in updating. What can I say - real life keeps getting in the way of my writing time. Also, writing casework is not a strong area for me, so I am only including the essential info to move the story along. Sorry if it seems a bit disjointed. Hope you enjoy this segment, and yes to all who have been wondering - Deeks will be back very soon! Thanks for the support!_


	18. Chapter 18

_Hey there readers! I made you wait so long for the last chapter, so here is a new one already to make up for the previous delay. This chapter kind of wrote itself - the words just flew off my fingertips onto the screen. I hope you like it!_

* * *

The last two weeks before Deeks' return from training brought about the conclusion of the serial killer case. The OSP team, the Red Team, and the team from San Diego finally narrowed things down and came up with their prime suspect. It was the same man who had gone missing from NAS Fallon. Mr. Edward Coleman, the explosive safety officer from Fallon, had used his job and familiarity with weapons systems to gain access and trust from the other bases. When they wouldn't share the information he wanted, he killed them and tried to copy the files to a flash drive.

After apprehending him at a tiny motel in northern New Mexico, he was brought to LA where Callen and Sam grilled him thoroughly. DNA samples taken from Mr. Coleman confirmed that he was the man at each of the crime scenes, other than the victims. He was then turned over to the justice system for his trial and sentencing. Mr. Coleman was found guilty of four counts of murder and treason. He had sold some of the weapons information he had collected to foreign interests. Apparently he had gotten too frustrated and angry with his own government and felt he needed to do something to guarantee he would still receive income from somewhere. Too many federal employee furloughs and government shutdowns made him lose faith in the job and country he had worked for during the last 18 years.

The only other unknown sample in the case, which was found solely at Port Hueneme, was the one that presumably belonged to Callen's biological father. The team hadn't found any more on that lead, but Callen vowed to figure it out – officially or otherwise – much to Hetty's dismay.

* * *

"Man, I love LA!" Deeks exclaimed as he walked into the bullpen Monday morning. "The sun, the sea, the women…" he listed off, stopping in front of Kensi's desk.

"Deeks! You're back!" She jumped out of her seat and gave Deeks a quick hug. Then she dropped her arms and stepped back. An air of awkward, what's-the-expected-way-to-greet-each-other-ness, filled the space between them. "Why didn't you call me and let me know when you got in?"

"I got in pretty late last night, and I didn't want to wake you up. I know you've been really tired lately, and what kind of dad would I be if I robbed you and our child of needed sleep?" He grinned, excited to try out the "dad" title in front of everyone.

Callen shook his head. "I still can't believe you two did that," he said, pointing to Kensi's slightly rounded abdomen.

"Apparently you guys are good at both undercover ops and under-the-cover ops," Sam chimed in. "Just remember what G and I can do to a man, Deeks. You've seen us work."

Deeks' earlier happy-go-lucky mood suddenly deflated. He looked nervously from Kensi to Callen and Sam. "Uh, Kens, is there something you should have warned me about before I came in today?"

Kensi put her hands on her hips and shook her head. "Ignore them Deeks. They're just trying to harass you. They're excited about the baby. The day I told them, they both got big, goofy grins and gave me big hugs. The debate about favorite uncle has already begun, and they haven't stopped trying to smother me in your absence."

"You say smother, we say care," Callen argued.

"We're just trying to take care of all of you," Sam agreed. "And I'm the favorite."

"Who are we taking care of?" a female voice asked.

"Ah ha! You're the one responsible for putting pink items on my desk!" Deeks said, pointing at Jenny as she joined the team in the bullpen.

"Nope," Jenny replied with a smile. "On my desk. I believe that one – " she pointed to an empty desk near the end of Callen's, "is yours for now. Welcome back, Special Agent Deeks!"

Sam suddenly got a big smile on his face, the kind that shows off his deep dimples, and his eyes sparkled. "That's right. You're a special agent now. A probie special agent," he said as he looked over at Callen. The team leader picked up his partner's thought process right away.

"We haven't had a probie for a while, have we? It's nice to have one again. Let's see, I'll have a large coffee, black. I believe Kensi is drinking decaf these days, Sam will take his usual green tea, and Jenny prefers cappuccino. Oh, and of course whatever you want for yourself. Can you be back in 20 minutes?" He smiled at the former detective.

"Seriously? I just got in. I'm tired, it's my first day back, I haven't even checked in with Hetty yet…" Deeks started rambling off excuses.

"Don't worry about Hetty. We'll cover for you," Kensi reassured him.

Deeks stuck his pointer finger out and wiggled it back and forth among the team members. "I get it. Some kind of probie initiation, right? Cute guys. Fine, I'll get your drinks, but then we're done. I'm a special agent now, not your lackey."

"The special-ist of them all, Deeks," Callen dead-panned.

Deeks jotted down the orders quickly so he wouldn't forget and took off out the door.

Kensi sat back down at her desk. "It's so cute that he thinks coffee is the only thing he has to do."

Jenny nodded her head in agreement. "No offense to your baby daddy, Kensi, but he can be pretty clueless at times, can't he? I hated being a probie. My old team was pretty ruthless."

Sam and Callen chuckled to themselves. Whoever had said Mondays were the worst days must never have had a probie agent.

* * *

Deeks came back a little while later and passed out the hot beverages to his team. He then sat down at his new desk and started settling in. Nell came downstairs with a stack of manila file folders and held them out to Callen.

"Hetty wanted me to give you these. They need to be entered into the system by date and then the paper files locked up in the archive room," she explained.

"Uh uh. Put them on probie's desk," Callen responded shaking his head. "That sounds like a perfect first day back kind of job."

Nell shrugged her shoulders and stepped over to Deeks' desk.

"Hey Deeks. Welcome back," Nell said as set the tall pile down. "Have fun with those, probie."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Deeks said. "Since when do I have to do all the data entry stuff? I have been trained, I passed everything – with flying colors I might add – so I'm an agent just like you guys now. No more jokes. I am a full-fledged member of this team."

"We've all been there. Even I had to take my turn as probie," Nell remarked as she walked out. "There's really no getting out of it."

"Is he whining? Cause it sounds like whining to me," Callen said to no one in particular.

Jenny looked up from her desk and nodded. "Yep. I have a three-year-old nephew who sounds just like that."

Sam leaned back in his chair and stroked his chin with his index finger and thumb. "A probie's gotta do what a probie's gotta do. But do it quietly, please."

"Oh come on. All of these? Can't we share? Kens? Kensalina? You're my partner, or part of my three-way with Jen… wait that came out wrong. Our threesome, I mean our three-way partnership cause you're… you know… with child and all. We're a team. Aren't we supposed to help each other out?" Deeks rambled on.

"No way Deeks. The partner card isn't going to help you this time. Neither is the father-of-my-child card or the jet-lagged-new-agent card. We were all probies at one time. Now it's your turn, surfer boy," Kensi remarked with a smirk. "Excuse me, I need a doughnut to go with my coffee." She stood up and walked to the break area.

Deeks sadly shook his head and opened the first file folder.

* * *

"Five o'clock. Quitting time!" Deeks shouted out as he moved a file folder from the left to the right side of his desk.

"You're not done yet, probie. Those files have your name all over them," Callen remarked as he stood up to grab his own things.

"Um, I don't have to do these all today, do I? That's just… well, it's not right," Deeks argued.

Kensi stood up and placed her bag over her shoulder. "C'mon, Callen, go easy on him. It's his first day back, and he'll still be a probie tomorrow."

"Thank you, partner. I think," Deeks said with a confused look on his face.

"Have a good evening Deeks. It's good to have you back," Sam said as he walked out. "See you tomorrow."

Callen and Sam walked out together. Kensi casually walked over to Deeks.

"So, you wanna grab some dinner together? There's this new place that opened about two months ago, and I've waited to try it until you were back," she said.

Deeks looked nervously at her. "I, uh, I'd love to, really. But I kind of have plans already for dinner. Rain check?"

Kensi frowned and immediately felt defeated. Of course it was silly of her to assume he would want to spend his first night back with her. They weren't officially "together", were they? Just because they were having a baby together didn't mean they were exclusive, right?

He saw the look of disappointment in her eyes, and knew he had to say more. "I don't have a date. It's not like that. It's, um, it's family business. Something I need to take care of," Deeks started to explain. "I promise I will tell you about it, maybe even tomorrow, but right now I can't."

"Family? I didn't realize you had any family here in LA still," Kensi mumbled. Those damn hormones were really making it hard to mask her emotions.

"Yeah, a little. We're not super close but we're still blood."

"Ok, well, I hope you have a good dinner. See you in the morning?" she asked hopeful.

"Yeah, definitely. I will pick you up at 9 so we can go to your appointment together. Thank you for waiting to go until I came back," Deeks said quietly. He knew she was still disappointed to not hang out with him tonight, but he needed to do this. It was one more step in the right direction for healing.

"No problem. You have every right to be there, and I want you there with me, too," Kensi replied softly. "I'll see you tomorrow."

* * *

Deeks drove up to the small, nondescript house. It looked a little more run down than the last time he was there. After parking the car in the driveway, he looked at his reflection in the rearview mirror. He ran his fingers through his hair, blinked his eyes, and let out a breath he had been holding. "Here we go," he said to himself.

_Rap-rap-rappity-rap._ Deeks knocked on the front door and waited for the occupant to answer. Slowly the door opened and woman in her late fifties with dirty blond hair and blue eyes smiled at him. "Marty? You're really here. Come in, please." She stepped aside to allow him entrance.

"Hey. Sorry it's been such a long time, mom." He wasn't sure if he should hug her or shake her hand or what. It had been ten years since the last time they had seen each other. She didn't make any immediate move towards him, either, so Deeks just walked further into the house.

"I'm just glad you're here after all this time," she responded.

They exchanged a little small talk before they had dinner together. Elaine Deeks (formerly Brandel) made her son what used to be his favorite meal: roasted chicken, leafy green salad, a baked potato, and chocolate cake for dessert.

"I wasn't sure what to make. I didn't know if you still liked this food, or if you joined one of the latest food trends of the week. I hope it's ok," she said meekly.

"It's great. I love it, really. Thank you. It's been quite a while since I've had a home-cooked meal," he replied between mouthfuls of food. "You're still an amazing cook."

Elaine nodded and smiled. After helping her with the dishes, they sat down in the living room.

"So, you mentioned on the phone that a lot of things had changed in your life. New job? Married? Do I get to know what is going on with my son these days?"

Deeks nodded. He was nervous to tell her everything but knew he needed to take this step.

"Yes, no, and sure." He paused to breathe. "I do have a new job. I was out-of-town for my training when I called you. I used to be a lawyer, and then a detective with LAPD. Now I'm a federal agent. I can't say too much about the job because of what we do, but I'm happy."

His mom nodded politely. "Is it more dangerous than being a cop?"

"Not really. Same risks, different bad guys is all." He didn't want his mom to worry too much, but he didn't want to lie to her, either. Their relationship was strained enough as it was. "I've kept up with my surfing, even taught a friend of mine. She had never been on a board before."

He filled her in on a few more things in his life, like Monty, his trip to Jordan and camel rides, and shows he had seen in Vegas. He conveniently left out all mention of the capture and torture portion of his life. Finally he couldn't avoid the real reason he had wanted to talk to his mom.

"So, the biggest change in my life is kind of in progress right now. I, um… I'm going to be a father," he told Elaine, not quite looking her in the eyes.

"You're having a baby? Who's the mother? Oh my gosh, I'm going to be a grandmother?" she asked all at once.

Deeks nodded. "The mother is my partner at work, Kensi. We kind of have this thing; well we've had a thing for a while and one night actually acted on it. It's complicated and I don't even know how to describe our relationship, but yeah. We're having a baby, in about 4 months."

"Congratulations Marty. Do you know what you're having yet, a boy or a girl?"

"Not yet. Kensi has an appointment tomorrow, and hopefully we will find out. She waited for me to get back from training so I could be there with her."

"Do you love her – this Kensi? Or was it a one-night stand?" his mom asked him.

"No, it wasn't like that. I do love her, mom. I love her more than I ever thought I could love another person," Deeks responded. He sat back into the couch. "It's complicated, but she is amazing. I'm incredibly lucky that she is carrying my child."

"But…." Elaine said looking at her son. She still knew him, even after all those years.

"But I am freaking out inside mom. I have no idea what it means to be a father. I have no idea what to do, and I am scared of… of… of turning into him," Deeks said slowly. He looked up at his mom's face. "I don't want to be the next generation of that violence." His eyes were glistening.

Elaine scooted over closer to Deeks and wrapped her arms around him. "Oh, Marty. You are not him. You never have been, and you never will be. You are a good man." She hugged her son tightly and kissed the top of his head.

"I'm afraid having a kid could trigger something, like a switch that I was born with. You said that Gordon wasn't always like that. Then the drinking and beatings started after I was born."

"No, don't think like that. You are not to blame for your father. It was not your fault at all. Do you understand that Marty? You are not to blame," Elaine told him adamantly.

Deeks just nodded. Tears started flowing down his cheeks. He sat in his mom's embrace for a long time before being ready to speak again.

"Mom, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I've ignored you for so long. I'm sorry I blamed you for so long," Deeks confessed. He went on to tell his mother than he used to think that she didn't protect him well enough, and it was her fault that he had a crappy childhood. Then he grew up and his anger turned to guilt – guilt that he hadn't done more to help her and protect her. It was too hard to come back home and visit her, the painful memories too hard to relive.

Elaine and Deeks spent two hours crying, talking and trying to heal from past wounds. Deeks had been nervous when he arrived that night, but the tears washed that away. He was beginning to feel comfortable around his mother for the first time since he was a child.

"Mom, thank you for tonight. You have helped me more than you know," Deeks told her as it was getting late.

"Marty, no matter what, I am always here for you. And you've helped me tonight, too," Elaine confirmed, smiling at her son.

"Do you think we could, um, get together more often? I think I'd like that," Deeks said, standing up to leave.

"I would like that. And maybe someday, when you are ready, I would like to meet this Kensi who has stolen your heart."

Deeks nodded. "Yeah, I will definitely bring her by one of these days. We have a lot of things to talk about between the two of us as well, but yeah. I want you two to meet."

"And I will have a grandchild to meet, soon, too. Right?" Elaine asked.

"Yep, you can bet on that. I want my son or daughter to know you. And I want to get to know you again, too." Deeks replied.

Elaine reached out and held her son's hands in her own. "You are going to be a wonderful father to your child. You have nothing to worry about, Marty. Remember, you are a great man and I am very proud of you." She smiled gently at the man before her.

"I love you, mom."

"I love you too, Marty." She reached up and hugged him.

Deeks kissed his mom's cheek and promised to call her soon. She watched him drive off, and smiled as she got ready for bed, the first time she could remember feeling that calm and content in a long time.


	19. Chapter 19

_Sorry for the delay again in posting a new chapter. This time it was due to a new story I wrote for the NCIS LA Magazine challenge, about Deeks and Halloween. If you haven't checked it out yet, please do. It's called "Pretending". And now on with this story..._

* * *

"Morning Fern," he greeted Kensi as she opened the door. "Ready for today?"

She stepped out, closed the door and made sure it was locked. "If there is a bag of pastries in the car waiting for me, I'll be ready." She walked past him and down the walk to the car.

Deeks stood there watching Kensi walk the few feet to the vehicle and couldn't make himself move. How had he missed it yesterday? Maybe she was sitting down more or maybe he was too busy with those stupid files.

"Deeks? Is something wrong?" Kensi asked him. She started looking down at her clothing, as if there was a stain or something she hadn't seen.

"Huh?"

"You're staring at me. Did I spill something?"

He started slowly walking towards her. "You – you're beautiful," he simply said. Kensi blushed slightly. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you yesterday, but you are. You've always been, but even more so now. I mean, wow." Deeks was right in front of Kensi now, who was still speechless. She wasn't used to compliments. Deeks held his hand in front of Kensi's belly. "May I?"

She smiled and nodded. "Yeah, go ahead."

Deeks placed his hand very gently on her rounded belly. "Wow, so this, this is really real. You're pregnant. We're having a baby together."

"That's what I've been trying to tell you for the last five months," Kensi replied.

"Yeah, I know. I mean, in my head I've known and accepted and even gotten excited about it. But this is the first time I get to see with my own eyes, the changes in you, the physical-ness of all your phone calls and texts and emails about it. I missed the first few months of actually being here with you, and now here you are glowing and our baby is growing and wow – I'm turning into a rhyming idiot on a sidewalk. Not the way I imagined this in my head," Deeks finished.

Kensi laughed. Leave it to Deeks to be completely sweet and charming and utterly goofy at the same time. Kensi placed her hand over his. "It's ok. I understand. What matters is that you are here now and we can experience the rest of it together. Should we get going?"

"Right. We should go. Hopefully I'll be seeing you in few minutes, little one." Deeks helped Kensi into the car and they drove off toward the clinic.

* * *

"So how was your dinner date last night?" Kensi asked on the ride back to OSP.

"It was good. Yeah, good sums it up nicely," Deeks answered.

"Do I get to know who it was with? Or don't I want to know?" she asked, a hint of jealousy in her voice.

"Relax Sugar Bear. I know what you're thinking, and no. I am not seeing anyone else. I told you I love you, and I mean it. There is no one else for me."

"So who did you have dinner with?" Kensi really wanted to know.

Deeks sighed. "My mom." At the look of genuine shock on Kensi's face, he continued. "I want to tell you all about it, but later. I don't want anything to take away from this moment as I get ready to tell everyone that I'm going to have a son." Kensi looked at him. "I mean, we are having a son."

She watched him as he drove. His face beamed with pride. It was quite adorable, actually. Even though her curiosity about Deeks' mom was strong, she didn't want to take anything away from the joy and happiness he was experiencing. He needed that; they both needed that.

* * *

"Hetty, how much do you know?"

"About what, Mr. Callen?" Hetty set aside the papers she had been reading.

Callen placed his hands on the front of her desk and leaned forward. "About my father. This whole thing is bugging me. His DNA hasn't shown up at any crime scene except the one, and it's apparently not in any database we have access to. For some reason, I get the feeling you know more than you are saying."

"I haven't really said anything at all," Hetty replied coolly.

"Exactly."

Hetty looked at him, nodded her head slightly, but did not say anything.

Callen continued. "Do you know who my father is? I remember you telling me about my mother – that you knew her – but what about the other side of my family? I need answers, Hetty," Callen said, his voice a mixture of desperation and a lost little boy.

"Your mother told me his name, all those years ago. I tried to keep track of his movements, but he seemed to have disappeared with the years. I do not know a man by that name anymore, and I do not know why his DNA showed up at your crime scene. I know you want answers Mr. Callen, but they are not mine to give," Hetty replied.

"I'm going to keep looking for him. There has to be more to this than just one random blood sample at my crime scene." Callen was frustrated and impatient.

"I believe it is your good friend Mr. Gibbs who does not believe in coincidence. The answers are out there. Sometimes what you are searching for has been in front of you all along."

Callen frowned at her cryptic musings and walked off.

Hetty wrinkled her brow. "Oh dear. This has gone on long enough," she said to herself quietly. Glancing over to the bullpen to make sure no one could overhear her, she picked up her phone. After someone on the other end picked up, she simply informed them, "It's time. We need to meet."

* * *

A short time later, Kensi and Deeks walked into the bullpen. Before either of them could say a word, Jenny jumped up to greet them.

"Soooo? What's it going to be – a girl or a boy?" she eagerly asked, her palms pressed against each other in front of her chest. She resembled a cheerleader ready for the first cheer.

Hetty casually strolled over to join the team, her hands clasped behind her as if nothing else had happened that morning. "Yes, please share with us all, if you don't mind. Are we to expect a miniature Ms. Blye or a pint-sized Mr. Deeks?"

Deeks looked at Kensi, his eyes silently asking if he could be the one to share the news. He had a smile a mile wide permanently on his face. She smiled at his enthusiasm and nodded.

"Go ahead Deeks. You can have the honors," she told him.

He cleared his throat dramatically. "This little ninja assassin," he started, placing his hand on Kensi's belly, "is a boy. I'm going to have a son!" Deeks couldn't have been more excited if he tried. He glanced at Kensi, and then added, "I mean, _we_ are having a boy. Just a few more months and there will be a Marty Jr. running around."

Kensi grimaced. "Um, we are still working on names. That is not the final choice. But yes, a healthy baby boy!" Deeks winked at her. A chorus of congratulations for the partners echoed through the mission, everyone happy for Kensi and Deeks. Nell and Eric joined in the well wishes from the railings up above.

"Congratulations to both of you. A little boy will be a wonderful addition to our family here," Hetty said with a smile. Then she clapped her hands together once. "While we are waiting for the newest team member to make his appearance, though, we have work to do. I suggest you all get back to it." With that she made her way back to her office space.

The rest of the team members settled into their tasks for the day. Callen logged on to his computer and typed something into a search engine. Jenny wandered off to the gun range for some practice. Kensi gathered some files and papers into her bag. She opened her desk drawer, grabbed two pens, a pencil, and a Kit Kat, and added those to her bag as well.

"Where are you headed? Didn't we just get here?" Deeks asked with a confused look on his face.

"I have to meet Granger at the boat shed in twenty minutes," Kensi replied. Then she looked up. "Shoot, that's right. I haven't had a chance to tell you about that yet since you got back. We've been so busy with everything else and it slipped my mind." Deeks looked at Kensi, waiting for her to go on. "I'm taking some team leadership courses. Granger recommended me for them, and it's something I can do while I'm pregnant. No field work. I'll fill you in later, I promise."

"Ooo… kay…" he answered slowly.

Kensi walked over to his desk. "How about dinner tonight? We can stop and grab some food on the way back to my place after work. You can tell me about your night last night, and I will tell you about Granger and these courses. Deal?" After getting an affirmative answer from Deeks, she hurried off.

After Kensi left, Deeks looked at the ultrasound picture he had gotten from the earlier appointment. He tried hard to stop smiling so he could concentrate on a couple of files on his desk. After two minutes, Sam spoke up. "You look like an idiot with that big grin."

Deeks dropped the corners of his mouth slightly. Sam continued. "But an idiot who is really excited about his first child. I remember that feeling. It's pretty awesome."

The shaggy agent nodded his head in agreement."Yeah, it is."

Sam went on. "But we can't have you all jittery and goofy – well no more than normal – around here when we have important stuff to do. How 'bout you and me go work it out of your system? Basketball or rock wall? Your choice." The two men headed for the gym.

Hetty unlocked her top right desk drawer and stared at the rows of driver's licenses and credit cards. She chose a set, placed them in her wallet, and stood up. She had her own meeting to attend.

* * *

"Mmm, I can't wait to dig in! Hurry up with the door," Deeks exclaimed as Kensi fumbled with her keys. "It's been too long since I've had burgers from Moe's. They didn't have anything close to these in Georgia."

They got in and sat down on her couch. Deeks dropped the food bags on the coffee table before taking off his shoes. Kensi was torn as to whether to grab her burger or the TV remote first. She decided on the burger. The partners inhaled their food quickly, neither wanting to slow down to talk. Once the burger was gone, Kensi moved on to her fries.

"So," she said between fries. "Your mom, huh?" She hadn't forgotten about Deeks' bombshell and that he would fill her in tonight.

He swallowed the last of his burger and took a drink. "Yep, I have one." He grinned at Kensi.

"Funny. And here I was thinking you were hatched."

"Hey! Even things that hatch have a mo—never mind." He looked at her impressed. She almost had him.

"So yes, my mom is here in LA and I had dinner with her last night," Deeks said, sitting back into the couch.

"How come I've never heard you talk about her before?" Kensi asked. She had heard snippets about his father, but not much of anything about his mom.

"Last night was the first time I had seen her in ten years," he started to explain. "A lot of things happened in the past, and it wasn't easy for either of us." Deeks paused to let Kensi settle back into the couch on the other end. "I called her before I left Georgia, to see if we could talk. I wanted to at least try to reach out to her, considering everything that has happened."

Kensi listened attentively, like a child hearing a fairytale for the first time. "Did it – did it go well? Were you guys able to work anything out?" she inquired.

Deeks opened up and told her all about his visit with his mom. He told her about his fears, about why he needed to see his mom, and how the night ended on a good note. Then he asked about her training with Granger. She shared the offer Granger had made to her a few months ago, and how he had confidence in her as a future team leader. Kensi mentioned that she was not looking for a new position or a transfer right now, but it didn't hurt to take the training. It helped her pass the time while she couldn't be out in the field.

"So, now that we've filled each other in, how about a movie?" Kensi asked. Deeks agreed as he got up to clear away their trash. Kensi surfed the channels until she settled on the movie Armageddon.

Deeks sat down on one end of the couch, and Kensi laid down with her head on his lap. They watched the movie in comfortable silence for quite a while. About half-way through the movie, Kensi twisted her head to look up at Deeks instead of the TV.

"Hey Deeks? What is this? I mean us – what are we, what are we doing now that you're back?" she asked him.

His first instinct was to point out the obvious, that they were watching a movie. But then the more mature part of his brain kicked in and he knew that Kensi genuinely wanted to talk about their relationship. At his momentary silence, she continued talking.

"Are we dating? Are we together-together? Um, based on our horrible past communication skills, I don't want to assume anything. I know we've been apart for five months, and I wasn't sure if anything that was said before… might have changed," Kensi timidly mentioned.

Deeks shook his head and played with her hair. "No, nothing has changed as far as my feelings for you. I love you, Kensi. Yes, I would like to think that we are together as a couple and dating." There was a short pause while he looked up at the movie that was still playing. "I uh, I guess that means I should actually take you out on a real date." He asked her out for their first date that weekend and she accepted with a smile. They went back to watching the movie, Kensi seemingly satisfied with their conversation.

However, fifteen minutes later she looked back up at Deeks.

"Are we together then, because we really want to be, or because we feel we should be for the baby?" Kensi asked.

"I can't speak for you, Sugar Bear, but there is one thing I am absolutely sure of without a doubt. I want to be with you because I love you. I told you that before there was a baby. I told you what you mean to me before we knew there was a baby, and none of that has changed."

She slowly nodded. "Me, too. I meant everything I said to you that night before you left. It's about me wanting to be with you, regardless of anything else going on in our lives."

Deeks leaned over and kissed her forehead.

They finished the movie, and Kensi stood up from the couch. Deeks stood up, too, and said something about needing to go home. She asked him to stay. After all, he had promised to help her with some of her cravings when he got back from training. She held out her hands to him, and with a grin as big as he had worn earlier in the day, he let her lead him into the bedroom.


	20. Chapter 20

_Thank you for the continuing enthusiasm and support of this story! It has already turned out longer than I originally intended, in large part because of the readers' excitement and all the reviews, and we're not done yet! Chapter warning: FLUFFY! FLUFFY! FLUFFY! Until the very end..._

* * *

Her eyes opened wide as they walked into the restaurant. It was just… sparkling. Not in an over-the-top Liberace way, but in a perfectly beautiful, romantic way that Kensi had only secretly imagined. She didn't show that side to anyone, and hadn't really shown or said anything about her romantic, girly side to even Deeks. Yet somehow he knew the perfect place to bring her for their first date.

"Something wrong?" Deeks whispered in her ear as they waited to be seated by the hostess. She was staring into the large, open dining room.

"No," she quickly said, as if under a spell. "It's just so… amazing. Beautiful really."

Deeks smiled and laced his fingers with hers. "The only thing of beauty that I see is right next to me."

She seriously thought about rolling her eyes at his cliché comment, but refrained. Kensi knew that he had put a lot of thought into their date tonight, and she didn't want to ruin it for anything. He was being sweet without a side of sarcasm and humor.

He had been the perfect gentleman so far. Right on time, he had arrived at her house, and rang the doorbell instead of just walking in like he normally did. When Kensi answered the door, he temporarily lost his breath. She wore a fitted burgundy dress that went down just to her knees. It had a bit of a sheen to the fabric, and hugged every one of her curves perfectly – including her pregnant abdomen. She had completed the outfit with a pair of black heels and a black clutch purse. Her hair hung down in loose curls and waves that framed her face. Lucky for Deeks, his brain finally remembered the act of breathing or he would have fainted right there on her doorstep. He hadn't seen her that dressed up and, well, heavenly looking in a long time.

Deeks wasn't the only one who had had a pleasant shock at the door. Kensi smiled as she took in her partner and boyfriend. He wore a navy blue suit, white shirt and a brighter blue tie that matched his eyes. It was a real suit, not jeans with a sport coat, and a collared shirt in place of his usual t-shirts. She also noted by the style and brand that it was his own clothing, not one that Hetty kept in wardrobe. He also had on a pair of polished dress shoes, something Kensi couldn't remember seeing him wear in a very, very long time.

Deeks held out his arm and escorted Kensi to his car. On her seat was a single red rose that he presented to her with a sweet kiss on the cheek. Her cynical side thought it was such a cheesy move, but the normally dormant, girly side of her was extremely touched by the gesture. It had been a long time since any man had given her a rose for any reason.

They were seated at their table, a small round one in the corner of the dining room near a window. Despite it being a large open room with seating for one hundred and fifty, it had a quite intimate and private feeling. Once again, Deeks acted the part of the gentleman, holding out Kensi's chair for her as she sat down. He couldn't stop staring at her, wanting to commit the way she looked tonight into his memory forever.

After their drinks and dinner had been ordered, they relaxed.

"Deeks, this place really is wonderful. I can't believe you brought us to somewhere this fancy for our first date."

He smiled. Well, actually he hadn't stopped smiling since he had picked her up earlier. "I figured I had to make this spectacular. We've already lived together and been married..."

"That was undercover for a case," Kensi interjected.

"… we had our first real kiss on a cliff," he continued, unphased by the interruption, "and we made a baby. Our first date needs to be extremely memorable to measure up," he joked.

Kensi laughed. He was right. They had had several milestones in their relationship already, even before they officially recognized it as a relationship. She reached her hand across the table and held his hand in hers. "It's already memorable, Deeks. Thank you."

Their food arrived and they began eating. Deeks dug into his meal right away, as he had skipped lunch. His explanation was that he was saving himself for the "good stuff" that night. After consuming about one-third of his meal without stopping, he looked over at his date. In a very un-Kensi-like way, she was picking at her meal and taking small bites slowly.

"Something wrong with your chicken marsala? We can send it back if you don't like it," he told her.

Kensi shook her head. "No, it's delicious."

"Then what's wrong? The baby bothering your appetite?"

She shook her head again. "If anything the baby has made my appetite bigger." At the frown on his face, she continued. "I'm trying to be… polite, ok? In fancy restaurants like this, I know you wouldn't like it if I ate like my normal self. So I'm being mature and grown-up and trying not to embarrass you with my eating habits. I'm trying to be lady-like."

Deeks couldn't help but chuckle a little. "Sugar Bear, I'm not worried about you embarrassing me. You could never… well, there was that one time, with the thing and the guy…" Deeks started rambling and talking with his hands.

"I'm starving here. Is there a point?" Kensi asked.

"Nope, no point other than I want you to enjoy yourself tonight. Eat, drink, be merry!"

"Thank you. I'm not sure that I can match your pace tonight, though," she joked. He looked down at his now half-empty plate and shrugged.

They finished their meals and ordered dessert. While they were waiting for the final course, Kensi asked Deeks something that had been on her mind for a while.

"Deeks, can you share your secret with me? I mean, you seem so excited about the baby – which I am too – but you are so calm about everything. How do you do it?" she inquired.

He looked at her for a moment before responding. "I'm mostly calm, my dear Kensalina, because I know I have the best possible partner to do this parenting thing with. There is no one else in the world I would take on this adventure with, and knowing that we have each other's backs helps a lot."

"I hope I can prove you right," Kensi replied sincerely. She shared with Deeks her worries about balancing her career and raising a child. She didn't want to give up being a federal agent, but she wasn't sure how she could always be there for their son given the odd hours they worked.

Deeks understood. He had some of the same worries; that was one of the reasons he went to see his mom. He was still new to being a federal agent, and being able to do his best at work and at home weighed on his mind. He loved what he did career-wise, but he wanted to be able to provide more than just a paycheck for his son. Suddenly Deeks sat up a little straighter in his chair, and he wore an expression like he had just come up with the best idea ever.

"Tell me more about your dad," he said to Kensi.

"My dad? Why?"

"Because from the little bits that you have already shared with me, he sounds like he was a great father. He obviously did an amazing job of raising you. I know he's important to you, and I would love to know more about him so I can try to do even half as good a job with our son as he did with you," Deeks explained.

She wasn't sure if he fully realized it, but he had just given her the perfect answer. She tried hard not to get all weepy, but those hormones weren't making it easy. Deeks saw the liquid pooling in the corners of her eyes despite her smile. He stood up, crossed over to Kensi, and held out his hand.

"A dance, my lady?"

In her hunger and then their conversations, Kensi hadn't noticed the live band at the opposite end of the dining room. There was a small section for dancing, and a few couples had already started to sway to the soft music. Kensi nodded and placed her hand in his.

"I'd like that. And I will tell you about my dad, but maybe another night?" she asked him.

He nodded and led her out on to the dance floor amidst the other couples. Kensi couldn't name the songs that played if she tried, but it didn't matter. She was having an incredible night with Deeks. The feeling of being held close in his arms while they made their way around the floor had her forgetting about everything else. His hand held hers, his other hand gently rested on the small of her back, his breath whispered across her skin as she leaned her face close to his… _This must be what heaven feels like_, she thought to herself.

Deeks watched Kensi's face as he slowly twirled and whirled her on the floor. With each beat of the music she seemed to relax more. He noticed how the soft glowing lights reflected in her eyes, how her hair swayed in time to the music, and how her body molded into his as they danced. She was the perfect combination of delicate beauty and determined strength. _Just like sunshine and gunpowder_, he thought. He couldn't help but feel like the luckiest man on the earth, and perhaps in the entire universe.

After their evening at the restaurant had ended, Deeks drove Kensi home. He parked in her driveway, and then walked around the car to open her door for her. Still being a perfect gentleman, he offered her his arm and escorted her up to her front door.

"So, I hope you had a good time," Deeks said, suddenly feeling nervous and awkward.

Kensi stopped looking for her keys and met his eyes with her own. "Deeks, it was more than good. This night has been the best date I have ever been on. Incredible, amazing, magical. Thank you for everything."

"You're welcome. I just wanted to make sure everything was perfect, because, well, you're perfect," he admitted.

She smiled and shook her head slightly. "I'm only perfect when you're by my side."

They stood there on the porch for a few moments, neither one sure what to say or do. Kensi started playing with her keys.

"Um, so I'm not really sure what the protocol is for ending a first date after we've already done everything that we've done. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to go in for a kiss, or ask to come in," Deeks said, trying to keep the mood from getting too weird.

Kensi chuckled. "Well, I don't usually sleep with a guy on a first date, but a kiss would be great."

"Yeah, I'm not sure that's really a valid concern anymore, princess," he joked, pointing at her belly.

"Good point. Well then, you might as well come in. We can take care of the kiss inside," she responded as she unlocked the front door. "And possibly more, if you're feeling lucky."

"Definitely. Very lucky." Deeks followed her in. Once the door was shut and locked for the night, he grabbed her in his arms and held her tight. She didn't waste any time or try to play coy. With one hand on his neck and one on his shoulder, Kensi pulled Deeks in for a long passionate kiss. It wasn't rushed; rather they took their time tasting each other and enjoying the electric sensations each caused the other to experience.

"You must have really had a great time tonight," he murmured breathlessly against her lips.

"Mmm hmm," she whispered back. She dropped her hands from his body and took a step back towards the rest of the house. "Ready for more? I'll race you to the bedroom."

No words were said as he brushed past her and down the hall.

"And remember, a true gentleman will allow his lady to have the right side of the bed," Kensi called out.

* * *

"I'm sorry I had to cancel meeting the other day. Business came up. I'm sure you understand."

Hetty nodded her head once and picked up her glass, swirling the liquid inside. She slowly took a sip and let it glide over her tongue. "This is very good. High quality."

"Of course it is. Only the best for you, Henrietta," he responded in his thick accent.

"Hmm." She set her glass back down on the table and sat quietly, collecting her thoughts before speaking again.

"I know it's late, but we really need to talk. I know you were there, and so does my team – my entire team. He knows the blood sample taken is a paternal match to himself, and is on a mission to find you. I can only stall him for so long," Hetty explained.

The man across the table from her set his glass down and shook his head. "It was stupid mistake. I get scratch when we argue. Then I left. I didn't kill him."

"I know. That particular case is closed. The one Mr. Callen is investigating, however, is not."

"If you people have all the fancy tests and things for DNA, how come he has not shown up at my home yet? I thought he was your best man on the job."

Hetty looked him straight in the eyes. "It seems your DNA is not recorded in any database."

There was only the smallest hint of a smile on his lips as he lifted his glass once again. "That is most interesting."

"He needs to know. He needs you to tell him, not me. I have kept this charade up long enough, and it is not even my secret. The truth will come out, and I believe it would be better for everyone involved for the truth to come from the source," Hetty informed him. She stood up. "Thank you for the spirits. I must be going."

"Always a pleasure, Henrietta," he said politely. Then his face changed expressions. "Except now. Now is maybe less of pleasure and more of complication." He finished his drink and muttered to himself in his native language.

* * *

_Dun-dun-dun! Who is Hetty's mystery man? Hope you liked Deeks and Kensi's first date. Would love to hear your thoughts in the form of a review or private message. They fuel my creative spirit!_


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